he's not as sweet when apart

[Smiliegirl]

Boyfriend and I long-distance at the moment. I've just recently started to notice a theme in our communication - I tend to text/email him to tell him about my day and ask about his, ending with kisses and other sweet things, he then replies with statements answering my questions and not asking me anything. He never finishes with kisses or 'miss yous'. Come to think about it, this has always been the case (been together for five years, apart occasionally). I've noticed it before but not really taken issue as we are rarely apart and when together he's very physically loving, cuddling, holding my hand and so on. However when we're apart, it feels a little bit like he's talking to a friend rather than his girlfriend. And now it's getting to me a bit.

 

How do I bring this up in a way that isn't about blaming him? It's not like I expect him to go all lovey-dovey all of a sudden, but the occasional 'X' would be nice.

[leo_s84]

Be careful how you bring this up cause he might think you're getting to clingy. That he doesn't answer your texts the same way you do doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He probably is more of a one-on-one guy

[sedated]

Some people have different ways of expressing affection. For you it seems to be through words, but it looks as if your boyfriend's way of showing love is through physical contact.

 

I had this problem with my previous girlfriend (she was more into words and I was more into cuddling etc), just that I was in your position of having my needs unfulfilled.

 

What I would suggest doing is putting it to him that you really like it when he says (insert your choice of lovey dovey sentiments here) but refrain from telling him what to do. Also understand that your way of expressing affection might be foreign and possibly difficult for him to grasp or pick up. So it wouldn't be a bad idea to help him along by trying to meet up with him on special holidays if you can for the physical contact he needs.. I'm not entirely sure if that's realistically possible for you however.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He could be an out of sight, out of mind person, or it could just be that he feels uncomfortable or stupid writing down those kinds of romantic things... some people do.

 

Long distance is very hard unless you have a specific time frame that you will be apart and know you will get back together soon. It is also easy to be tempted by others due to the lack of sex and companionship.

 

But you should try to avoid turning the time apart into long sessions of 'you don't love me' and constant complaining and being upset, or his only memory/experience of you will be negative, which will only push him towards other people.

 

So sometime when you are relaxed, ask him why he never uses emoticons or little romantic i love yous and see what he says. then tell him how you like them a lot and wish he'd send you a few.

[JeckyllNHyde]

sometimes distance physically makes people also feel emotionaly distant.

maybe you should hold off on being the first to say love you, miss you, etc?

lots of times when my partner is always saying it first i feel like i say it back because they did first. if i say it first (e.g. i miss you) i know i really mean it at that moment.

[Smiliegirl]

Thanks everyone! I feel quite reassured now, maybe it's just the way a lot of guys communicate. We've been together for five years and live together most of the time (apart about a month every year), so if he struggles to be romantic in words it's not really a huge issue. Because he is lovely when we do see each other which is most of the time.

I don't tend to complain or be upset when apart, so I doubt he thinks I am annoying/distrusting. I trust him completely and have no reason whatsoever to think he's out trying to find other girls. It's probably just a difference in how we express affection when apart.