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never know (poem) feedback plz


EmptySoul
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Anger's running through his veins as he walks out the door.

Her words still make him want to die: "There's nothing left worth fighting for."

And yet she's still standing there, shivering in the snow.

He just wants to hold her now, but he has to let her go.

A tear slides down his face for her as he speeds through the dark.

Once again it all ends with his broken heart.

He's racing against their memories when his truck slides off the road.

She's always going to love him, but now he'll never know.

 

*cherish those you love*

 

EmptySoul

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Very cool. And if he drove off deliberately, she'll morn for two weeks and then get on with her life. I hope u don't think about similar things. . . but your peom is well written and stikes a nerve with me. I have felt the same way too before.

 

 

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i wasn't really think about him driving off deliberatly, but that's good too. it just depends on how the reader looks at it. i don't really think about similar things, just a music video and a tv show really got to me and made me think about what it would be like to lose someone.

EmptySoul

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hey emptysoul.

i thought it was really good, when first reading it i thought that it flowed really well but consisted mainly as a small piece of writing. however, by your end line it really did tie it together as a piece of poetry.

 

i thought you used some powerful words and on a whole it gave off multiple emotions and scenarios.

 

great work.

kel

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