Meeting someone over the net: How to know your life is not at risk?

[MorbidMetalHead87]

ENA.

 

You have all helped me sooo much ever since my ex fell out off love with me out off the blue, and left everything we together, held dear, behind, leaveing me alone with a heart that was battered, broken and bruised to the core. With wayyy to many qwestions, that may never be answered.

 

What did help me was the fact I made goals and started to go for them. One was even a goal I lived in denile about, (being in a band) but I decided to go for it after the breakup, now that I could without someone holding me down. And because off that there was even a time, I told myself I wanted to be single for as long as I could. Cause a bf would hold me back. But I also told myself that if they were someone I thought I could love, or did love. What could stop me?

 

alot it seems...

 

Yes, I have met someone, my parents do not know cause they can't, not atm anyways. This new love off mine lives in the states, While I live in Australia. How did we meet? We met through myspace. On the 30th off may (I think anyways) which is close to a week or two ago. We have sooo much in common it's scary. It seems we have both fallen for each other, in the short time that feels like forever.

 

I think about him all the time, at work, at home... all the time. He told me he is the same. I never ever, in my life have never wanted to meet someone this badly. He said he feels the same way. Be both know we love each other. We have even started planing on meeting each other.

 

My qwestion is though. How dangerous is this? My heart tells me he is a good person, and so dose my gut. Just there is a fear in there back off my head that the net can make anyone be whoever they want to be. A serial killer from anywhere in the world. Could make themselves into this person I love right now. I feel bad having these fears about him, guilty acctually. It's just after all the horror stories I have heard. I can't egnore it when my life could be at risk.

 

My qwestions are... What are the sighns? And how could I protect myself if he dose turn out to be bad dude? I feel so bad asking all this, for even thinking this way about him. But I guess a part off me has to. But to be honest, I userly would be more scared than I am now, if it were someone else.

 

Thanks in advance for all your advice.

 

~*MorbidMetalHead87*~

[LanceVanceDance]

To be honest I'd be more worried that:

 

1) you are in love with someone you've never met

2) you two live in completely different parts of the world

 

I don't mean to be a party pooper or anything, but I reckon these are serious concerns.

 

As for protecting yourself: meet in a public place and find out if you feel good vibes from him before getting more intimate.

[StretchGee]

Well, you understand the risk - that is a good first step to protecting yourself.

 

If you do decide to meet, as LVD said make sure it is public. In fact, make sure you are always in public and make sure you have a way to escape. If he is to pick you up, make sure you understand public transportation as a way out if your gut tells you different. In meeting a stranger you do not want to find yourself in a position where you absolutely depend on them.

 

As for meeting, I agree with LVD: you are in love with this person's internet persona. Protect yourself emotionally as the reality may be very different.

 

Best of luck and be safe...

[petite]

Personally I've never been too keen on online relationships, especially if people are in two different parts of the world, because they could be telling you anything they want and really don't know if it is true or not.

 

I find it hard to trust people in Melbourne, let alone somewhere overseas. Best of luck with your new guy, but be very careful. For all you know he could be a sex offender.

[christinesee]

First off, I'm sorry to hear that you were in an R and left with un answered questions..I have been there recently and I know how much it hurts.

 

As too how do you know your not putting your life at risk with a cyber R? Well.. I tend to think that one should be careful about giving too much personal info, because you never truly do know who is on the other end of the monitor. If the R gets to the point where it looks like an IRL meeting might take place..then

 

1) By all means meet in a public place

2)Inform a good friend or loved one as to where you will be

3)if when you meet your gut tells you that seomthing is not right, by all means leave at once.

 

Best of luck.

[annie24]

To be honest I'd be more worried that:

 

1) you are in love with someone you've never met

2) you two live in completely different parts of the world

 

I don't mean to be a party pooper or anything, but I reckon these are serious concerns.

 

As for protecting yourself: meet in a public place and find out if you feel good vibes from him before getting more intimate.

 

yes, i agree. i think that the vast majority of people online are normal, not crazy killers or serial rapists. what you do need to do is meet in person, during the daytime, at a cafe like starbuck's and meet for a coffee and see if he is normal. second date should also be in public too. be careful, don't move so fast, don't be alone with him or get in a car with him until you are sure he's not a psycho. if he travels to meet you, insist he stay at a hotel or youth hostel, don't let him stay with you. same thing if you go to see him.

 

that said - you don't really LOVE him. you don't know him. you just have known him online for a few weeks, you don't know the real him. and some people misrepresent themselves. i have certainly seen cases where a smart young woman thought she was talking to a guy her age, only to find out that he was lying about who he was and was 30 years older!

[richmonder80]

remember, a person will portray a different persona over the net vs. in real life. you never know what he is up to, has done, or who he really is. get out of the virtual life and get with the real life that is happening right now outside.

[LanceVanceDance]

A lot of people comment on the guy possibly lying or being purposely deceiving, and that seems to be the original poster's main concern as well.

 

But the other problem I see with being infatuated with someone you haven't even met is that, even if he is 100% truthful in what he says, hitting it off in the written form and hitting it off in person is very different... especially after you have built such high expectations. You should also protect yourself emotionally as StretchGee pointed out. How will you feel if you meet and don't click at all?