Ex Boyfriend in the picture...

[Pysal131]

This isnt the right category, but I couldnt find one that matched. I'm in a jam. I've been dating a girl for 6 months now, and I recently found out that shes been talking to her ex boyfriend a lot. Not enough to really provoke worry or jealousy, but ... I dont know that I'm OK with them talking so much, even if it is just as friends. I dont want any old feelings coming back. I trust her with everything I have, but I dont know him, and thereforeeee I dont trust him not to try and pull something. I'm not "overprotective" but I dont want to lose something because she was decieved, because I know we are better together then they ever were. What do I do to express my worries and keep them apart? My brother says I should just threaten him and kick his @$$, but I know that's not the answer. Any help is appreciated, thanks.

[Ugottabejokin]

Damn...this seems to be a common trend..

 

I talk to my buddies and even my own experience, and chicks just can't make the severance no matter how bad it went before. Here's the kicker..if you make some kind of stand..or ultimatium..she is gonna rush right to ex-dude and talk to him about it. Nothing YOU can do about it but tell her it bothers you (no need to explain...that just sounds needy). If she says "you can't keep me from my friends.." B.S. line, well Bud...time to start pulling away...BIG trouble around the turnpike.

 

If she (and this a very small chance of happening) says..." I'll stop talking to him in private..if he's gonna be a friend, he's gonna be OUR friend. I'll only talk to or see him when you and me are together" ...then you have a KEEPER.

 

Good luck...and you will know the right move...make it when it's time..

[bubbamackdaddy69]

That's a tricky situation.. I was in that situation a month ago but it was the opposite. I was the ex-boyfriend and my ex and I were talking alot and going for coffee and stuff. We broke up 4 months ago and she started dating this new guy 2 weeks after our 3 year relationship.

Anyways the new guy gave her an ultimatum..and it was to stop talking to me and seeing me..Well she told me thisabout a month ago and needless to say we haven't seen or spoken to each other since.

I would suggest talking to her and seeing how she feels about you being in the middle. How long ago did they break up??

Coming from the ex-boyfriend stand point and I won't lie but I was about 50/50 thinking about trying to get back with her, so maybe that is what he is trying to do as well... How long did they go out for? If they went out for a long time then that may be a factor as they both still might have feelings for eachother..

Good luck

[slider]

Pysal131,

 

You are right for being upset about this. Friends are one thing, but Ex's is purely another. What's the difference? Answer: THEY HAD A HISTORY TOGETHER. It doesn't take a computer scientist to know this stuff. Somewhere in the past they did have an attraction for each other and if you don't pull the plug on this one, it could be disasterous.

 

Ok, in some cases, nothing ever pans out - but do you really want to take that chance? Confront her on this. Don't seem angry, but let her know it bothers you.

[Pysal131]

What about a confrontation with him? I'm very much better at those.

[Ugottabejokin]

This has nothing to do with him. You wanna go out with him??

 

He will see this as a victory.

 

You tell the chick it bothers you...from that you will see where you stand by her actions..not her words...

 

The hardest part of this will be you accepting what you know is right.

[Pysal131]

Confrontations with girls are so much more subtle, and I dont mind if he sees it as a victory, just as long as he stays away from her. And if it came to it, how can anyone that just got creamed see it as a victory? This, along with other things, are causing so much stress for me right now, I dont think I can be as subtle or ... passive as I would need to be to talk to the girl about this. Besides, from what i hear, he's a reasonable guy, and its not like i KNOW that hes got something for her still. I would feel much more comfortable talking to him about it. She wont know my insecurity then.

[avman]

And if it came to it, how can anyone that just got creamed see it as a victory?

 

Well lets see, a confrontation with him could end up one of two ways:

 

You win the fight Your girlfriend has pity on her ex for getting beaten up, loses respect for you, and leaves you because of your anger management problem.

 

You lose the fight Your girlfriend sees her ex as triumphant, loses respect for you, and leaves you because of your anger management problem.

 

Alternate ending

Somebody calls the cops. You get arrested for assault and battery. Nobody wins the fight. Your girlfriend loses respect for you and leaves you because of your anger management problem.

 

Are we seeing a common theme in these stories yet?

 

As the previous posters have mentioned, your problem is with her and not him. Sorry if its easier to go beat somebody up, but thats not what relationships are all about.

[Ugottabejokin]

I see bad days ahead for our buddy Pysal131......

[Pysal131]

I didnt say id beat him up straight off, thats a last resort. Maybe he's been in a similar situation and would understand, and sorta back off? I'll admit it, I like fights, but I dont pick them for no reason. I always talk first. And most of the time, its a lot of talking. Back to my question, is talking to him first about it wrong? Assuming there is no fight.