Please Help....Best Friend Problems

[candykisses013]

ok. My best friend is really rude. She speaks her mind and tells people to shut up and hurts peoples feelings openly, but when someone that she doesnt like hurts someones feelings she tells them that it is mean. I am not very open and if i have something on my mind i wont tell her becuase i am afraid she is going to pop back with something that i may have done to her that was mean or rude. The reason why i am writing is becuase if i dont do something for her she gets pissed, and tells me how she always does shit for me. Like this one time i couldnt get a ride to her house to bring her shirt back and so she starts calling my mom stupid and saying that she hates her just because i she wouldnt give me a ride. And today... we were going to the mall, and we couldnt go till like 3:30 in the afternoon becuase my dad was taking a nap.... i have 1 bro and 2 sisters, there is only 5 seats in the car just enough for half my my sibling me and my dad. Mymom works on weekends. There was no way that we could take her becuase there wasnt plainly not enough room in the car. So i call her and tell her we might not be able to go and she gets pissed saying "Why should i have to wait half the day to go the f**king mall, i could be doing better things". So i told her i had to go ask my dad one last time, and we hung up. I was so pissed a sat there for like 5 minutes thinking that i should have said something back. Then i call her back saying that if we go to the mall my brothers and sisters would have to come along with my dad becuase he didnt want to have to come back in a couple ofhours....so she makes rude remarks about my family under her breath.....so she says omg your hole family and she startes going like uggghhhh......

 

what should i do i am really pissed off and i am tired of her doing this to me.

 

Alee

[Mar]

I think a lot of people try to justify being so openly rude by being "honest." That's a very ignorant and self-centered way of looking at it. There's a difference between "constructive criticism" and "destructive criticism", and your friend obviously hasn't learned the difference. Not to mention the fact that she's using guilt as a way of getting what she wants, i.e. "I do things for you, and now you won't do them for me." Oh, and let's not forget the double standard she's displaying by being critical of others acting as she does, yet that's unacceptable to her when it's someone else! To disrespect your family because she can't have her way? Er.....

 

Friendship is NOT about keeping "score" of good deeds by friends, and often the balance ISN'T equal, depending on what's going on in someone's life. True friendship is about being supportive and understanding of someone's needs and being there to offer a hand or a shoulder to cry on when needed, regardless of how many times that is. Down the road, the debt is usually repaid in kind.

 

Your friend has a LOT to learn about abusing her friends and most likely driving them away if she continues this awful behavior. She needs a reality check as to what the definition of friendship is, and is taking your offer of it, and everyone else's, WAY too casually. If she continues the way she has with this abuse (because that's truly what it is) she'll end up driving everyone away with her disgusting behavior. I, for one, would NEVER tolerate my supposed "best friend" treating me anything CLOSE to that!

 

I would take a break from her and explain to her that you don't need her brand of "friendship", and that she needs to do some serious thinking on the words "respect", "consideration", "understanding" and "love", above all else, since she's lacking these most basic qualities of what being a friend is. If she doesn't like it or throws some past thing in your face, brush it off; she's merely being spiteful, which is nothing new apparently! And be mature about it. Don't raise your voice, regardless of how she acts; just let her know that her behavior is unacceptable to you and that, until she can make some changes in her attitude, you feel you're better off without her in your life. I would also add that she owes you several apologies in regards to how she's disrespected you and your family, but I think that might be a bit much to ask for in this instance! Good luck, I hope she can turn herself around!

 

Mar

[candykisses013]

thanks for all the advice...it really helped but i dont think that i will be able to confront her on it...i think it might be to much of a risk and she has alot of friends that she could bitch about me to.maybe i will in the future if we get in a fight and it wont be so hard to say becuase we are already fighting....i will save all that you said for future reference....

 

Thank you so much it really made me think of all the bad shit she has done....