To call or not to call?

[thekid55]

I've made many posts on here and always seem to think about the situation late at night. It helps to write on here and seek the advice of others.

 

Basically, I was seeing this girl at college for two months before summer. Great relationship, sex, fun times, emotional support, etc. Summer came and she has had a lot of drama at home from friends, ex-bf, and others. She has confided in me when talking to her problems. I've been there for her, but I've always offered solutions rather than just be a shoulder to cry on. However, over time, I grew tired about hearing about her ex boyfriend drama problems about how he doesn't stop calling her or how he wants to get back with her when she is not interested. These problems have varied over the last 4 weeks due to her running into them through mutual friends at parties and gatherings. Our relationship wasn't growing. Instead of being her "boyfriend", I felt more like a girlfriend that she would run to for advice. I do want to help her with her problems, but I don't want them to dominate the conversation.

 

We had a huge argument on Wednesday morning. She said that I don't wanna hear about her issues and she thinks that I don't understand her and said that it would be better if we were just friends.

 

We haven't talked since Wednesday when we would talk to each other every day. We planned a trip for me to come up and visit her awhile back. Go to a baseball game, beach, etc. This was supposed to be happening Thursday. But the fight happened on Wednesday and we haven't spoken.

 

I'm debating whether I should call her in the next few days. Just to see how she is, find out about the trip etc..

 

Do you think this is a bad move? I haven't heard from her and I don't want to be jumping at something that she isn't into right now.

 

Plus, in the back of my mind, I wonder if she is waiting for me to make a move and come back? Plus, if I try to contact her, then I won't have any regrets moving forward knowing that I tried one last time.

 

What do you think I should do? Should I make the next move since I am still interested or wait for her? It has been bothering.

[Haven]

It sounds as if she's using you as an emotional crutch. She's having issues, calls you to talk about them, and you make her feel better about her life/situation/etc. If she's not giving anything to you in return (listening to your issues, expressing interest in your life, etc) then this is not a true relationship.

 

However, I also don't think you just let it end this way. If she does not contact you soon, go ahead and take the initiative. Perhaps you can reach a reconciliation of some sort? She needs to be able to deal with her emotions/issues on her own, and not rely on other people. (I guarantee you that she is now talking to someone else about her problems.) However, if the conversation veers again toward her problems, then you need to reconsider if she sees you as a boyfriend or as an emotional crutch.

[novaseeker]

I'm debating whether I should call her in the next few days. Just to see how she is, find out about the trip etc..

 

Do you think this is a bad move? I haven't heard from her and I don't want to be jumping at something that she isn't into right now.

 

Plus, in the back of my mind, I wonder if she is waiting for me to make a move and come back? Plus, if I try to contact her, then I won't have any regrets moving forward knowing that I tried one last time.

 

What do you think I should do? Should I make the next move since I am still interested or wait for her? It has been bothering.

 

No, you should not. She basically told you she wanted to break up with you, I think, on Wednesday. That was how I read the snippets you quoted, at least. The self-respecting thing to do is not to contact her. By contacting her, you look weak and clingy, and that's never attractive. You don't need to contact her -- if/when she wants to be with you, let her call you.