Old Feelings...

[Pinkbubbles]

I spent a year and a half of my life caught up in this guy that I honestly had fallen in love with. He was the type who knew what he felt but was unable to overcome outside factors, or this between us he percieved to be issues. There is an age difference of 6 years, currently he is 26 turning 27 and I have recently turned 21. And he is also one of my brothers best friends. These 2 things were the things that he felt he could not overcome and thereforeee we decided the best would be to just move on with our separate lives.

 

I have spent the past year doing so eventhough it was the most difficult year of my life, I have never loved anyone the way I loved him, I did it. I am currently dating a new guy that makes me happy and treats me amazing, but nothing is ever with out a glitch or two. Anyways the point is that...we'll call him Ted (my 'ex')...was the one who had the issues with our relationship and ultimately choose us to move on. My new boyfriend....we'll call him Ben...and I have been having issues lately, to the point of nearly splitting, but we so far have been able to work through it.

 

My girlfriends and I had a girls night out a couple weeks ago, after one of my near splits with Ben, during which I ran into Ted. I was the first time I had seen him without my brother since everything went south. It was really good to see him but I was not about to make a effort to chat with him. But he felt he had to. We ended up talking the whole night. About everything from his life right now, to mine and my near future and we also had it out about everything that happened between us, both good and bad. We ended up completely ditching the people we came with and went to continue our talking. It was so good to catch up with him. Like that comfort of him and I was there again.

 

Throughout our relationship talk he confessed everything to me about his friendship with my brother and our ages and subsequent different stages in our lives as the reasons that ulitmately kept us apart. He also told me that he has been struggling with the feelings that he has for me for so long that I couldnt imagine what hes had to go through. I told him about the feelings I've had for him and how hard it was to know that he never wanted me in the way that I thought he did, which he then told me that I have no idea how much he wanted me, how much he wants me.

 

I laid into him about how for years now he has said so many things that lead me one way and then acts totally different and how frustrating it was. He then proclaimed that he never had the intentions to hurt me he was just trying to do what was best for both of us, he said he didnt want to hold me back from my dreams. He also said that he believed that I was the perfect person for him, everything about me is what he wants and its so hard to see that but know that it just cant be right. Which I could only respond with 'You choose what we are, I've had to deal with all of my feelings for you and move on cause you couldnt quite figure what you wanted and I have moved one'. He just looked at me after that with pain all over his face. I then started to cry. No only was I crying cause of us fighting but I also realized how my feelings for him hadn't gone as I thought they had. Im not over him in the slightest but I still have this boyfriend that I love.

 

Ted then kissed me. I pulled away and was like you remember that I have a boyfriend right. All he said to me was...'I really wish you didnt...you have no idea how much I wish that right now'. And he just held me tight.

 

About a week after this I found out that he considering moving to New Mexico for work. I live in Canada. Thats a big move. I dont know what to do about any of this. Like I know I still love him but I dont know if any of my feelings or his a strong enough to get over everything, so solid enough to risk what I have with Ben right now. But in the more immediate, do I talk to him about moving? Is that my place? Does it seem that the wishing I didnt have a boyfriend was him looking for a reason to stay to anyone else? Do you think his words were true? Or was that just his last ditch attempt to hook up before he takes off?

 

I'm so confused.

[Jeen]

You will have to really take a long look at what you really want and what you will get in the relation you are in right now, it sounds like you have never stopped loving your ex and you are constantly comparing your boyfriend with your ex. It looks like your ex has in the past thought your relationship was doomed for the age gap, it looks like he is trying to think for you and what is best for you, what will stop him in future from doing it and the move is a long one Long-distance relationships do have a low survival rate.

 

You don't sound very happy with your current boyfriend, will it work maybe if you can see past the fact that he is not your ex and it will never be the same with him and you are able to get over your ex.

 

Maybe both of them are wrong for you at this stage, if there is not peace about your ex it will destroy what you have now, and it do look like you do prefer someone with a different type of personality "outlook in live" to what your current boyfriend is offering.