Found out my ex had a one night stand and now has a bf.

[cobro]

I hope for this to be my last post on my struggles in getting over my ex. A little background, we dated over 2 years on and off, she dumped me three times and basically messed up my head. We have been broken up for less than 2 months and I'm still having a hard time moving on, but I know I must keep strong. Then this week, I found out that she had a one night stand with a good guy friend of hers, the same guy who I insisted always liked her when we dated. She always would claim they were just friends and no feelings were there. So I guess it was just sex. I'm sure they were drunk. This must have taken place soon after we broke up, maybe less than a month. This news really hurt, more so than the initial breakup. She was my first love and first everything, and I see sex as being special. For her to just sleep with a "friend" so soon after dumping me, and not more than 2 months after having sex with me, really stings. I then hear that she met another new guy the beginning of this month, and now they are bf/gf, less than 3 weeks after they met. She always used to preach about being friends first, and taking things slow. How could she fall so quickly? I think she's lonely and is trying to get over her one nighter. I would assume she's done getting over me, but I don't know. I feel like I have been stabbed in the back over and over by her. This is the last time. I don't understand how someone can say they love you and then dump you for a final time and then go sleep around, and then rush into a relationship with someone else, all in less than 2 months! I hear she is happy with him and he's a great guy, but heck I was too. I treated her like a princess and loved her with all my heart, but she didn't see any value in me after 2 1/2 years. I am going with the no contact rule and it's been about 2 weeks since I talked to her. She still knows what's going on in my life and knows I'm still hurting. Do you think if I continue no contact she will start to wonder whats going on with me? Another thing is that she enjoys the start of a new relationship, its exciting to her. But she gets tired, like she did with me and broke up with me multiple times. She did the same with her ex, got tired of him after 4 months. So who's to say she won't get tired of this new guy after the newness wears off and she's left wondering what I'm up to. I DON'T WANT HER BACK, but I would like the satisfaction of knowing she thinks she messed up, one last time so I can turn her down (instead of getting back with her for the 4th time) I have a feeling nobody can replace me and I will always be special to her, no one can do what I did for her or even put up with her...but I don't know there might be another poor person out there. This new guy definitely does not know what he is getting into, I feel sorry for him. So my main point is, does her doing all of these crazy things in less than 2 months we've been broken up scream "rebound!"? Is this new guy going to last, knowing what I've told you so far about her and how she can never be happy? And lastly, do you think she will be knocking once this new guy becomes no challege and boring to her, and she thinks I will take her back? She's soo fickle and moody! I think she might have some sort of mental disease. I'm sure this has happened to others before, please let me know what you think.. After I get my answers I am going to do my best to forget her, because I don't know her anymore she is not the same girl I knew and loved. Please help me, please.

[Mar]

Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot we can do but listen and support you. Everyone heals after a breakup at different speeds, so she may not be on the rebound. Her one nighter, yes, I'd say was just that, an act of sex. As for this other guy, I don't know....no one really will.

 

Yes, you treated her well, and yes you gave her everything....but something had to be missing for her to break up with you, and you'll most likely never find out why, or what that thing was. It's not a reflection of anything you did wrong, just something she wasn't satisfied with or thought she could do "better" at with someone else. She may well learn this isn't the case after a bit. Most people find that the grass is definitely BROWN on the other side of that fence!

 

Best thing for you to do is stop obsessing on HER feelings and concentrate on yours. It's doing you no good to think about these questions constantly and try to do a mental comparison to someone you've never met, it'll only frustrate you more and more!

 

Try to let her go.....if you gave her everything you had, and she chose to leave it, then it's through no fault of yours and she should be kicking herself. If not now, in this new relationship, then down the road. I honestly don't know. But I DO know that your life is YOURS, and you shouldn't let her dictate it from afar as she's doing now. Closure in this situation is important, but we rarely get it satisfactorily, not wanting the relationship to end at all. In lieu of that, concentrate on YOU, not her. You'll meet someone wonderful who will appreciate all those fine qualities she threw away!

 

Mar

[kuhl282000]

Hey Brother Cobra

 

Sounds like you just got snakebit !!!! Sorry for your mental state of mind, truth is I'm going through the same thing, so I understand. You gotta start working on your head brother and forget about this. Sounds like a pattern the break up make up thing. Remember she wasen't a virgin before you met her. Yeah it hurts and it stings, and you can obsess this backwards and forward. The thing that will happen is you will drive yourself nuts. As far as the "News Loop scoop on her" and how you find out the scoop on all this heart breaking stuff. You need to get out of her loop, and like stay out.You will only get bad news. Will she come back, who knows....? It is time to move on, I know at least that much. Mine went back with her ex who she has a long history of breaking up and making up. then she started the same crap with me. Did you know I know that everynight I know she is in the arms of another guy. And not me. And she was the one that always said sweet nothings to me. Do you know how much that tears me up inside.We were going to hook up bro, for life !!!!.....we did not hook up, it all turned out to be a bunch of poppy cock.....I slept with her over 175 times(she told me that), so as far as who ever she is with now....we'll they have some catching up to do. I miss her alot, and can only remember the good times we used to have. That is all I have left, because she is gone. Will she ever come back....it does not matter, I have to get on with my life. So stop biting yourself Cobra, and let the healing begin. Good luck my fellow snake bitten buddy. It almost killed me, but I would not let it. I had to suck the poison out and let it start to heal. Otherwise just check into a padded room for the holidays. You don't know what you have lost until you lost it. Then you either find it or you replace it. Sounds like you and I have been replaced. And it is time to accept that, as hard as it my be. Accept or Deny...your choice. After not seeing her for over a month now, well would you not say the writing is on the wall. And especially after we were together almost everyday. It is over Bro !!!!!!!

 

Kuhl

[cobro]

Thanks kuhl and mar. I do need to just forget about her and her life. I need to concentrate on making myself happy, not relying on someone else to, like she is doing. I've come to the conclusion with the help of lots of people over the last few days, that I am NEVER going to be able to move forward unless I block her out of my life, completely forget about her. I'm sure there are going to be days that I think about her, but I must remind myself that she is not someone I want to be with, she has self-destructed into someone I don't know. I don't know her anymore and don't want to know her. I tried what many men have tried, but you can't turn a ho into a housewife. I just want to be my old self again, happy being just me and by myself, know what I mean? I think if I'm happy with myself, people will notice me more and be attracted to me...plus I'm not an ugly guy, lol. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who is always down and depressed about thier ex! From this day on I am going to keep my head up and when those gut wrenching thoughts about her come to mind, I will block them out. I will think about the 2 1/2 years I have not been happy, all because of her. I will think about my future for once and how she made me jepordize it. I will think about all the bad things she did to me, the crying and painful insults and manipulative lies, and what kind of person she really is inside. I will think about how there are other females out there who DO know the difference between love and lust/infatuation, I will pray to meet one who knows what love is. I will pray for her and the new guy, because he does not know what he is getting into. Most of all I will pray that I will continue to get through this by letting go of her and accepting that its over and she does not exist. I won't talk about her all the time to people, and how I'm feeling. Thank you so much for all the advice you have given me, I will post back in a few weeks or months to let you know how I am progressing. Thank you.

[kuhl282000]

Hey Brother Cobra

 

That is the spirit. You have to do all of those things to make it happen. It is all in your head brother. I remember talking to my friends about my ex, and after awhile they started to think I was nuts, even considering wanting to be with such trailer trash. But still a side of me wanted her. Like you she really messed with my head. I still think of her everyday, but I now catch myself and say "STOP" ...... I understand the "HO" thing, I had to do that 2. One think I had to do was get on my hands and knees and "forgive her" that was really hard to do for me. But you know what it was sort of a clensing feeling. Give it a shot, and yes we can do alot better. They lost some pretty good dudes. Something funny just happened to me the other day. Out of the blue an old girlfriend contacted me like after 5 years. She got my new cell number from one of my friends she ran into. She told me she did not know how much she missed me until I was gone. Five years have passed, so you never really know what the future holds my friend. Have hope and faith. But most of all lets you and me makes lots of money in 2004. 2003 really sucked for relationships. Lets make this our year. Stay in touch my mending brother.

 

Happy Holidays

Kuhl

[Michael2]

Hey guys,

 

Just thought I would drop a quick note, considering I am currently in a similiar situation. Girlfriend broke up with me , as a result of problems our relationships had experienced. Two weeks after she broke up with me, she decided to have sex with one of her coworkers. It was drunk , stupid sex, which I know meant nothing. SHe came clean , and attempted to win me back. THat was back in September. I tried over, and over again to forget what she had done to me. THe games, the resentment, the pain of knowing she allowed someone to be initimate with her. But, unfortunately I never could comes to grasps with what happened. AS a result, we have broken up for good.

 

Just like both of you, I still love her, and she will always hold a special place in my heart, and I bet you both can say the same. But on the same token, that doesnt necessarily mean that we should be together.

 

Sometimes relationships are learning lessons, and many times they are painful ones at that. AS a result of this pain, we have learned a great deal , and as a result we will be able to love anther and find someone that will treat us the way we are meant to be.

 

I was the one who pleaded with her to take me back , and this was AFTER she had sex with another guy. I was the one that traveled 4 hours to see, I was the one willing to move up there to be with her, even after she had sex with him.

 

What have I learned, so far not enough. Love is great when it is shared, but when it is one sided it can kill. It can utterly consume our lives, turning our time into sadness, and praying, that the one that doesnt want us will one day come back to us. Love at times blinds you from the truth. Friends and familyhave told me ( God only knows how many times) how it is, and how I should deal with the situation. They said move on, take it for what it is.

 

I told myself , "NO, I can get over this, she made a mistake and this and that, we love eachother, we are meant to be, the list goes on". I made up excuses for her, which was all out of love. THat is the problem here, we arent thinking rationally.

 

We need to be strong again, we can't rely on others unfortunately.

 

Ponder this and always remember , our girlfriends (ex in this case) arent true blood.