Mom doesnt like me cause im not attractive enough

[forgotten1]

Basically my gf who loves me dearly and I her told me today that a big part of her moms issues with me is that we are not on the same level attraction wise. She basically told me that she knows if I looked like one of her sisters boyfriends because one in particular is similar in demeanor and personality both kind of laid back chill guys, we got along well at an Easter gathering. But she said she knew if I looked like him then her mom would accept me.

 

 

The whole thing really hurt and I just had to get off the phone with her, I tried not to make a big deal of it. I think I might have said something like I should show her the picture of the girls I’ve dated over the last two years. I know, not smart but I was hurt and talking out of stupidity but fact of the matter is I have dated some knock outs even by LA standards and they were perfectly fine with me and showing me off to friends and in one case family. I know I am overweight but I’ve been working to remedy that and have dropped 40 pounds with about another 40 to go but those words are just causing so much pain I want to just go hit the gym until I puke or pass out. not to appease her mom because I am just so hurt over this.

 

please I need some words of advice to guide me in a right direction.

[Aviatormy]

Basically my gf who loves me dearly and I her told me today that a big part of her moms issues with me is that we are not on the same level attraction wise.

 

WOW! what a stupid self centered statement made by mom. Shame on her!

 

She basically told me that she knows if i looked like one of her sisters boyfriends because one in particular is similar in demeanor and personality both kind of laid back chill guys, we got along well at an easter gathering. But she said she knew if i looked like him then her mom would accept me.

 

What does her mom care anyways? Is her father some kind of playgirl model or what? Geez!.

 

Anywho. I would not pay much attention to what her mother said about you. The key is, how does your GF treat you? If your GF doesn't seem to mind or care about your looks then you shouldn't either. I don't mean that you should not take care of yourself but if you are your GF are both happy about each others physical appearance then thats all that should matter.

 

 

The whole thing really hurt and i just had to get off the phone with her, i tried not to make a big deal of it. I think i might have said something like i should show her the picture of the girls ive dated over the last two years.

 

Who did you make this statement towards? Whether it be your GF or her mom, that was not a wise choice.

 

 

I know, not smart but i was hurt and talking out of stupidity but fact of the matter is i have dated some knock outs even by LA standards and they were perfectly fine with me and showing me off to friends and in one case family.

 

I am glad you recognize that it was a bad thing to say and I agree that people say stupid things when they are hurt or upset.

 

 

I know im overweight but ive been working to remedy that and have dropped 40 pounds with about another 40 to go but those words are just causing so much pain i want to just go hit the gym until i puke or pass out. not to appease her mom because im just so hurt over this.

 

This is a positive statement as far as you recognizing that you could afford to lose some weight. I am also glad to hear that you are wanting to do this for yourself and not to make her mother happy. If you try to lose some weight for anyone elses purpose other than your own... you will fail miserably.

 

My advice to you is to try and concult a personal trainer. Get on a good diet and hit the gym. Take pictures of your body bi-weekly so you can visually see your progress.

 

I have a diet that I wrote out a couple years ago that helped me drop from 227lbs @ 30% body fat to 175lbs @ 12%. I still work out daily and I couldn't be happier.

 

Let me know if you want me to PM this diet to you. You will see HUGE results within 2 weeks if you stick to it.

 

Good luck!

[forgotten1]

honestly i do think on some level she may feel this way to as she has never outright disagreed and i feel if she didnt feel this way she would have corrected her mom and not allowed it to be a follow up issue. I feel in her mind the argument goes "mom i know but i love him and thats all that matters" but for me thats not good enough and i have had people love me for everything i am not just bits and parts so i guess its really bothers me that her moms influences have maybe effected her.

[flgirl777]

yes obviously you are dealing with a superficial mom. she isnt being fair to you by just writing you off like that like you arent good enough. i once had a boyfriend whos mom absolutely hated me for the most ignorant reasons. you just have to learn to rise about it because you are better than that. if she has a problem with you its her problem - dont stoop to her level and worry about it. just be confident and prove to her that you are every bit as capable as the other guys to be ur girlfriends man

[ladyblue07]

I agree that you need to decide if your gf loves you for who you are, or actually agrees with her mom. Everyone has different tastes in looks, and there is someone out there who will consider you attractive the way you are right now.

Nobody's looks stay the same forever. We all end up getting wrinkly and putting on weight as we get older. So you gotta find someone who is not overly obsessed with looks.

[forgotten1]

i think im just going to go nc for a few days let her realize real quick that things are not ok with this going on. Fact of the matter she says she hates it when her mom brings this stuff up and talks down on our relationship but if she continues to allow her mom to disrespect me behind my back then honestly i dont know if thats a kind of person i want to be with. I know how she feels i was put in a similar position because my grandmother doesnt like her too much, but that was one conversation me and my grandma talked it out and havent had another discussion like it. i feel she on the other hand backs down and just agrees to avoid conflict or maybe agrees because thats how she feels.

[thejigsup]

People that would make you lose weight don't really like you at all, and still won't if you lose lone hundred pounds. I like bigger men because they accept me as I am and are very honest, fun people. You can keep six pack abs, I love a teddy bear!

[Mindy1607307824]

Stupid for the mom to say that, even more stupid for your girlfriend to tell you that.

THOSE are the kind of things people never forget.

 

But seriously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If she is attracted to you, then that should be it. My boyfriend doesn't have a six pack and sometimes brings up the fact that most of my exes do... but I couldn't care less about that. After all, in 50 years I want to still be able to enjoy myself with him through conversation & love. To hell with six packs, we all lose our charms in the end.

 

Find someone who can see that.

[arcadefire]

My mom used to harp on my ex not being attractive looks wise to me as well. But I never, ever said any of that crap to my ex. What business is it for me to relay my mom's insults to him? It's not going to change his looks. I loved him for everything, looks included. But when I introduced him to my mom, she never treated him poorly either.

 

So if you think this relationship is for you and you want to stick it through, make sure that your girlfriend and her mom is comfortable with your looks. Otherwise putting up with that hurt isn't very healthy.

[forgotten1]

Thing is on an average day im pretty sure of myself I've even been called cocky on a few occasions and even though im in an exclusive relationship i still go out to the bars with my friends and get hit on. I think my girlfriend is very beautiful but by society standards shes probably not even in the top 4 as far as my ex's go. I know that sounds bad and maybe its just me lashing out but i guess better to do it here then on the phone with her but still i guess i was just hurt, not so much by what her mom said but that she didnt stand up for me. If any one of my family members had something negative to say about her i would and in one case have stood up for her and it was never brought up again. Is it to much for me to have expected the same.

[Mindy1607307824]

Of course, and you are absolutely right in being angry and everything. Maybe it's time to reconsider things? It doesn't matter if your exes were prettier or not ... comparing is bad. We're all so different...

[ghost69]

you are dating the girl, not her mom. so keep dating her.

[knightNshiningarmor]

i guess the question is you need to find out what exactly she thinks of you....also i can see how you can be hurt because allowing her mom to talk crap on you is disrespectful on your gfs part...something tells me if she loved you as much as you think she does she would have let her mom know right then and there that kind of talk wasnt going to be accepted.

[valiantv]

Do you know for a fact what she said back to her? i.e. you say she should have stood for you, but how do you know she didn't? What tone did she use when telling you... was it a "I can't believe what my mom said" tone, or was it from questioning by you that she admitted the truth? Because she might not say what she said back to the mom because you didn't ask, or because she doesn't like to brag about what she did for you.

 

And don't mind this NC rubbish - talk to her about it, find out what her opinion of what her mom said is, find out if she has any intention of telling her mom off about it... You giving her the silent treatment is only going to make things worse.

[honeybee52]

I agree with Mindy that your gf had no reason to tell you that. Instead, she should have set down some solid boundaries with her mother in no uncertain terms. I would be highly disappointed in your girlfriend if I were you. It sounds like the entire family needs sensitivity training.

[forgotten1]

i decided im just going to sex the hell out of her on her moms bed. seriously this is the plan.

whatever her mom thinks or doesnt think we have great chemistry in and out of the bedroom so i think this is the best way to forget about what her mom said. maybe leave the used condom tucked under her pillow, ok i wouldnt go that far but i think for now im going to go with ghost on this one and just forget and keep on trucking.