Confused about No contact

[claudia]

well its been four months since my break up and my ex seems like he does not even miss me one bit . well i just have a short question about this no contact thing : would it be contact if u and your ex was online together but not talking to one another? like in msn messenger . I'm the weakest when it comes to sticking completely to the no contact thing but i keep slipping i need serious help. sry if this sound like a silly question but i was just confused .

[BOBMUNZ]

I think you need to talk to him, just seeing that he is on msn isnt really contact. you may feel better after talking to him. i know that if my ex decided to talk to me that would be great (as long as it wasnt a bad breakup) i cant stand ppl not liking me or talking to me over something like an old relationship (now if he hurt you then screw him). i guess what im trying to say is take the first step and talk to him, you may be surprised and have him as a friend. post anymore questions if you like

hope im of help

[akatoro]

hey there.

I never initiate contact with my ex over icq.

So I don't think that you're doing something wrong, really.

 

IMHO "no contact" refers to not initiating contact/dialogue with them or hanging at the same place as them.

 

Ja ne.

[claudia]

the problem is sometimes i can't bear him not talking to me so i would be polite and say hello to him but he would only say hello and we hardly would talk . I'm usually saying some small stuff to him and to that he would reply that he is busy or he just does not answer me at all . i know i should cut him loose but its so damn painful and hard i just want this to be over with . when he broke up with me he said the infamous " LETS BE FRIENDS " line now he treats me like enemy number 1 and i did not do anything to him i was just alittle bit clingy . he is really cold to me . I'm still hurting through i just don't understand it .

[The Morrigan]

I imagine it's hurtful when you message him and he is cold to you - hmm? I know, seems easy and it's not, but... don't message. If he really wants to get in touch with you, he knows where to find you, but right now, every time you contact him and get rebuffed it's going to open any wounds you've managed to heal, because there's always that hope this time he'll be responsive and nice. If it means changing messenger programs for talking to your other friends, or deleting his name off your list so you can't see him online - do it. His screenname in front of you tempting you to message isn't doing you any good right now. You have to put your feelings first - and getting into the position you're hurting by seeing him, and then hurt again when he doesn't respond to you isn't going to help you heal. Honey, it's not your job to make him deal with his "let's be friends" line in a mature fashion, that's HIS job. He was the one who suggested it - so let him prove he's going to be a friend, and not someone who's only going to hurt you by ignoring your attempts at friendship.

[crinklecat]

In the midst of my roller coaster (which still goes on) vfunkera posted this. I think it is exactly what anyone having difficulty with no contact should because it is straight to the point. link removed

[vfunkera]

 

 

hey claudia,

 

IMHO "no contact" refers to not initiating contact/dialogue with them or hanging at the same place as them.

 

i know exactly how you feel, me and you are almost identical in what we have gone through with our exes. She used the same line, i was clingy to her, and we never argued and was always polite.

 

I had to make a point on msn. I did no contact for the first 4 months after i broke up with my ex. I went on msn and icq everyday and she was always on. I would see her every wednesday and saturday (university and bars). While being on msn i would never start talking to her, and while bumping into her every wednesday and saturday night i would not even say 'hello'. Im sure you can relate to this situation.

 

Is it 'no contact'? Blah! Your wasting your time TRUST ME! They may not be able to talk to you, but they at least know where you are, and in my case, she could see every move i was making! Your still in the picture and they can they know that you infront of a computer. There is no mystery or curiosity because they know where you are and what your probably doing. Take it from me, you are wasting your time like this, i did it the way you are doing for 4 months assuming it was no contact, and i was still thinking about her madly, and she never came back, it seemed like she wasnt even thinking about me! Like akatoro said, no contact means avoiding them at all costs, and that is the mistake i made and the mistake your making.

 

good luck

[Pandora]

Hey Claudia.

i'm in the same situation as you. My ex broke up with me about three weeks ago and he too say the infamous ' l hope we can still be friends' line but ended up being the one that treating me like a stanger. When i initiated contact he did not reply. To me that i still want to be friend line is just them being polite. I seriously doubt they meant it but they're just trying to be nice. It's such a cliche isn't it? I know its hard to get over him but the best way to do it is to have no contact with him at all cost. Delete his number from your cell, his email address and remove him form your msn. I know just how hard it is but trust me it is for the best. l went through the same thing and i'm still healing now but having absolutely no contact really helps you to heal faster. Meanwhile go back to doing things you enjoy and try to get your mind of him. By and by when you don't see any of him mail wise or online you'll start to miss him less and less. Trust me it works. As with all my post, l'll adive that you listen to music. lt really helps a lot. All the best... Happy holidays..