well, i am back

[astaro]

well, i ended up getting back together with the girl i originally came to these forums for, spent another year with her. i got back together with her because i believed things would be different.... i was wrong.

 

doing my best to take care of myself right now, trying to get some exercise, studying and working a lot which leaves me absolutely no time for any kind of social life. i came out of this relationships broken, it was very bad for me. it emphasized my insecurities and left me completely empty of self confidence.

 

started seeing a therapist which brought up some interesting points about me, my history has led me to place where every move i make is calculated, i am so afraid of being hurt that i make sure situations i am in are always under some form of control (dosnt sound like much fun does it...?)

 

thankfully this time around she isn't anywhere near me, have been NC for a month and a half now (since the brake up). spend my days feeling awfully alone, insecure and generally depressed i suppose. i realize now that if i want to be in a good relationships in the future i need to find my own internal happiness. i just don't know where to start looking, don't really know what i enjoy or what i want to do.

 

some of the main reasons to leave for me where her complete lack of ability to take care of herself, her confidence comes from how she looks, she has a tendency to forget to eat, she has been "looking" for an apartment for two years now. she rejected me sexually so many times i found myself acting like a sex crazed teenager.

 

i have a serious problem with over analyzing things, run things through my head over and over again from every posible angle and cant seem to stop myself even though i am fully aware of the fact that i achieve little and cause myself a great deal of pain in the process.

 

i have spent so much time in my life trying to please the people around me that i have lost track of how to please myself...

 

on one hand i think it will make me feel better to talk about it, on the other hand i worry that i am just dwelling on the subject even more

[pumpkinmoon]

I think that you should keep focusing on the things you have in your life right now, especially your studies. At least now you know that you gave it another shot and it didn't work out instead of wondering what could have been if you got back together.

 

Use this time now to really see where you have gone wrong in the relationship and work on these issues for the next time around. Seems like you have started already which is a good thing.

 

I would also say though that even though you are so busy with everything going on in your life try to make at least a little time to socialise. Organise a day or night out with friends, even if it is once a month or once every 2 weeks. It will give you a break and help you to relax every now and then.

 

I don't really talk to my friends about how I am feeling, I lie and tell them I am fine not really sure why but it makes me feel better to keep my feelings away from them, so when I do see them I can be normal for a while. The only person I talk to about it is my mother, and I come here to post and talk to people on these boards.

 

I really hope you start to feel better soon. It will definitely get better for you, it just takes time. All you can do right now is do the best you can and you will come out the other side eventually.

[Loris]

I made the same mistake as you when getting back together with my ex. It wasn't what I perceived it to be, not for the want of trying, but it was totally one-sided. At least you gave it a shot and it has reinforced what you already knew and you're much wiser because of it.

 

I also over-analyse things, although it only makes things worse and raises more questions. This is a normal symptom and will be supressed over time. You're doing all the right things for your healing - NC for 1.5 months is a great achievement and I can't wait to get there. I'm desperate to move away from the area that she lives in and you've already done that, so well done again. You have all the right ingredients for a successful life and when you meet your next lady, you'll have the right attributes to ensure you're both happy and that your emotional well-being is wrapped in cotton wool with it.

 

Is your zodiac sign Libra by any chance?!

[astaro]

I don't really talk to my friends about how I am feeling, I lie and tell them I am fine not really sure why but it makes me feel better to keep my feelings away from them, so when I do see them I can be normal for a while. The only person I talk to about it is my mother, and I come here to post and talk to people on these boards.

 

i talk to my friends at first, problem for me is after a while i just feel like a broken record, feel like i am boring people complaining about the same things over and over again..... both your and my habits are very bad in that respect.

 

 

I also over-analyse things, although it only makes things worse and raises more questions. This is a normal symptom and will be supressed over time. You're doing all the right things for your healing - NC for 1.5 months is a great achievement and I can't wait to get there. I'm desperate to move away from the area that she lives in and you've already done that, so well done again. You have all the right ingredients for a successful life and when you meet your next lady, you'll have the right attributes to ensure you're both happy and that your emotional well-being is wrapped in cotton wool with it.

 

Is your zodiac sign Libra by any chance?!

 

 

 

the over analyzing part isnt because of the brake up, its something i have always done regardless of my current situation.

my zodiac sign is Aquarius.

[audrey28]

i am also one of those who had repeated breakups with the same ex. at this point, i am coping relatively better....partly because i have "gotten used to it", and partly because i am still feeling numb. i think the important thing for us on-and-off relationships to remember is that the relationship ended because it was a bad relationship. it is important for us to remember that we tried very hard, gave it our best shot, and sometimes even changed strategies or attitudes dealing with the same situation.....but then, the situation remains the same. it is important for us to know that we didn't mean to hurt the other person and the other person didn't mean to hurt us...we were simply incompatible. while it hurts to think that this person will no longer be part of our lives, we should find comfort in knowing that we are doing this so that we (both ourselves and our exes) could be happy. we shared months or years with them and we should be thankful for all that it was. they have given us something good but there is no point in holding on to that "good" if we feel we are no longer ourselves. again, no one really is to blame. they too are hurting.

 

if you need to talk about how you feel, talk about how you feel. the forum is here and we are all going through the same hurt and pain and rejection and anger and negativity. we are going through those emotions and until we exhaust them, they will stay as long as they need until we acknowledge them.

[astaro]

i have been racking my head for the past couple of hours (while doing bloody manual labor) trying to figure out what i am feeling exactly. i tried to make a pro's and con's list but i cant really come up with any pro's other then her staying faithful to me (kinda sad that thats a pro rather then the norm these days). con's on the other hand... she grinds her teeth when she sleeps, i asked her to see a doctor or figure out something to do that can stop it because it was preventing me from sleeping (if you don't know what it sounds like try grinding your lower and upper jaws together for a while till you get an awful sound to come out). then she would get mad at me because i was having a very hard time waking up in the morning. i got a big pay check a while ago and wanted to treat her to a fancy dinner, all she had to do was pick a place... never happened. i begged her to do something about our horribly boring sex life, i am a pretty imaginative person and have a lot of experience, but at some point you just run out of idea's, i asked her to excite me, to drive me wild.... her idea of initiation was wiggling her back side next to me in bed so i would get the hint, i always got it, but it was just a huge turn off by then.

 

problem is it dosnt change how i feel, i don't even know why i feel bad, just know that i do, probably has something to do with deeply rooted abandonment issues (if your interested ).

 

i can be a very hard person to get an impression off of, i have a very healthy sense of logic which is what most people see, problem is my feelings don't always play along, i have been so busy for so many years now wrapping up my feelings behind logic that i am not quite sure how to access my feelings anymore.