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Would This Generally Work Better?


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My ex and I have been broken up for about a month and a half now. When she first broke up with me, I was crushed and feeling worthless, after about two weeks, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and took some advice from ENA and tried to stay as far away from her as possible, I wanted to go NC so I was making plans with friends and just basically staying out of the house a lot.


I knew that NC would help me, but at the same time, I really wanted my ex back (still do.) I thought to myself "I started NC right after I had a bunch of HUGE fights with her... is she really going to miss that?" So I took into consideration the reasons she gave for the break up, which I agree with, she told me that I was often moody and just generally didn't seem like I wanted to be around her. I knew this for a long time and during our relationship I asked her many times if we could just take ome time apart to get our heads on straight, but she always broke down, thinking I was breaking up with her.


I used the time I had away from her to work on myself, I got a bunch of stuff out of my way, school work, house work etc. I felt like I had actually done something instead of just sitting around and doing nothing (Which is what I usually did when I was with my ex.) I no longer felt the need to be upset all the time, I actually felt happy and I noticed that the things that used to send me off the edge didn't anymore, like my mom constantly nagging me to do the same thing over and over.


With the thought of "She's not going to miss all the arguments" still in my head, I decided to answer her messages on msn and start hanging out with her again. Right off the bat, she would poke me and touch me needlessly while we were walking. Our first time out in about a week and a half, we went out for coffee and talked a bit, when it came time for us to go our separate ways, she shook my hand... I laughed about it but I was slightly offended by it.


As the days went on, things started happening, like one of my friends asking her out on a "Friends only" confidence building date. I talked her into going on the date, and while we were discussing what should happen on the date, she was again poking me and at one point even asked me "Why don't you ask me out?" One night when we were out with this friend, she was wiking at me, cocking her eyebrows etc, while we were walking, she grabbed my arm and put it around her, like every night, there came the time when we had to go our separate ways, so I hugged her on her doorstep and she barely hugged me back.


A week later (This past Sunday) we made plans with a few friends to go to the movies in the evening. Slowly, our friends either cancelled, or had other things come up preventing them from coming out with us, so we just made plans of our own to go for a walk, she insisted on styling my hair before we left (Because I just had it cut.) While we were walking, she kept saying that I look happy and confident, we decided that we were both hungry so we went to a resaurant and ate, we talked a lot and had a lot of laughs. After we ate we went to the movies to see if anything was playing but found nothing but one of our friends who was shocked to see that I cut my hair off, we went out for coffee and continued to talk, this was seriously one of the best days for talking, usually we hit lots of awkward silences, but they were pretty minimal on this day.


After we finished with our coffee date, she insisted that we go to my house to watch a movie, since I have TMN on Demand. We watched 1408 together, at one point in the movie she leaned into me and put her head on my chest so I put my arm around her, we remainded like this for about ten minutes before she heard my sister coming down the stairs and sat up. My sister sat in the connecting dining rom to do her homework, and while she was there, my ex leaned into me again, this time with her back against my side. When the movie finished, I walked her home, when we got to her doorstep, she kept making excuses to stay out, she wasn't trying to keep me out of her house or anything, I never go i nwhen I walk her home. We walked to the drug store to get some candy to snack on and we sat at a table on a patio outside of a restaurant which was closed because it was close to 1:00 AM. I walked her home and I hugged her, this time she really hugged me back and held it for a bit longer than usual.


Last night, she came over to watch wrestling with me (We're both nerds) and I made my bed into a crappy makeshift couch and asked her if she wanted to come sit with me, so she did. During one of the commecials, she started to gently punch my arm so I started punching back, she eventually withdrew and rolled over my arm and into me, so this time I didn't even have to put my arm around her, it was just there, she put her head on my chest and watched the TV for a bit before re-positioning herself. When I walked her home we hugged for a bit before she went in.


Like I said earlier, I didn't want to go NC while she had the image of us fighting in her head, so I simply wanted to hang out with her a bit, just so I could give her something good to think about when the thought of me crosses her mind. Frankly, I think it's working too well, is this a result of my previous NC attempt or what? I think this has gone beyond just head games, because she should know by now that her headgames don't work with me. I'm not overthinking this, I'm just trying to decide what I should do next, Summer Break is coming up which means I won't be forced to see her every day at school which would make NC that much easier. With all this happening, should I go NC when the break starts? I know for sure that she'll be calling and messaging me on msn every single day, from day one because she's already doing that. I just don't know whether or not this is a result of my previous attempts at NC.

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Pretty much everything you wrote here leaves me wondering why you two broke up! Ha-ha.


If you had some issues that you need to work out (moodiness, laziness in the relationship) then taking some time to do that is the right thing. However, I get the impression from this post that you both have strong feelings for one another. Don’t think breaking up with NC will fix that – you’ll have better success with those problems if you focus on fixing them together.


Tell her you think that the relationship deserves another chance.

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