bad dreams good dreams? how do i get my mental energy to shift

[prettyhate]

i keep having dreams

of hope of nightmares i had ones this morning where everything was perfect then i woke up and burst because it was not perfect and this hurt wave just flew out of me..

i am trying to think about me and what i want i have only like 2 friends really

its so hard so many moved overseas

i dont know how to get a social network happening anymore

my surfing and concert circles are small and i will see the ex

so i am surfing at a new beach (well going to)

and barring gigs for aw hile i need some space..

i also dont know what to say when he is around as inevitably it will happen i need to be prepared

how do i start thinking about myself

i dont think that much of myself i mean yes id ont deserve it but i seem to be worse off this week than like................ than the other 2 maybe the grief is really over flowing

i used the net so much its a distraction but i think is also bad because i am so tempted to snoop

im going to try look up some groups

im so nervous....

i dont know many ppl im shy and have srious confidence issues

i used to compete with surfing and now have no confidence and lost skill so thats one goal it just sucks all my bfs have been involved heavily in it so its so hard to break away i guess

today is jus hard i guess and i thank everyone for helping me out so much

[wtm78]

its normal. it is just one of the days your emotions crash. dont worry, as soon as you reach rock bottom you can stand up on your feet again. you are doing fine.. i can tell.. just hang in there... *hugz*