Ready to end it....

[Hopeful99]

I a so stupid - I don't deserve to live. I cannot get over my ex - it will be 6 mos in a couple of days. She wants nothing to do with me - even as a friend. I cannot believe after what we had and how I treated her according to her she thinks so little of me she cant even be my friend. Based on my recent threads I must be fabricating things in my head bc she obviously had no desire to interact with me on a personal level - I feel so humiliated and stupid now - I am going insane........I thought there were some signs maybe she wanted to talk so I sent her a note asking if she would want to do something fun or go to a golf tournament this weekend just as friends....she replied "No Thank You....I don't want anyone else including you to get the wrong idea".

 

I have broken up before but never had anyone be so disgusted with me that she could not even be friends. She always told me I was great to her but obviously she thinks I am scum. We had both always said we would be friends regardless and she even told me after the break up that she could not imagine me not in her life somehow.....all a lie....I am nevr going to be able to talk with her again and it is shattering me.

 

I cant deal with this anymore - I am through.. I am about ready to lose it and end thing. I have nothing left in my life to live for except broken hearts and loneliness - it is not worth it to live like that for the next 30 years.

 

She hates me - I will make her happy and remove myself from this earth

[Clabs]

Hey Hopeful

 

I am so sorry you feel so down about your situation. Listen - nobody is worth taking your life for - and you do have lots to live for. Please stop thinking that way - think of all the pain you would leave behind if you did carry something like this through.

 

You sound very very depressed and it looks like you maybe need something to kick start you out of this black hole you are in. I really think it would be a good idea if you saw your doctor - he might recommend some anti depresants to help you along - what do you think, mate?

 

It is not the end of the world that she won't talk to you or be your friend. Really - you are better off to not be her friend because she wouldn't be a very good friend, I can promise you that.

 

We are all here if you need to talk some more -you know that. There are lots of people in this world that really care about you. She may not be on the scene but so what. You can do this mate - you can get through this - but please stop that talk of ending things - ok?

 

Mark

[arwen]

Things might be easier if you decided not to contact her anymore. She obviously wants a life without you. That says something about her, and possibly about the past with you. But it does not mean you are a worthless or terrible person. It only means that the relationship with her is over. As hard as that is, you need to decide yourself that you want to move on. It seems to me that you are still holding on to what was, and since she keeps rejecting you, you are staying in a situation of pain.

 

I know it's very hard to imagine even the possibility of being happy without her, but you will be in time. Allow yourself to be someone regardless of what she thinks, or better, don't include her in your life. I think this will give you back the power over your life.

[browneyedgirl36]

Hopeful99

 

I responded to your other thread, but I'll repeat a couple of things here.

 

First, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. As awful as it is, it's totally NORMAL to feel this way, but if you're feeling like you don't want to be here in anymore, it's time to take some steps to improve things for yourself (more on that in a bit.)

 

As I mentioned in my other response to you, your ex does not dislike you. It is hard -- nearly impossible -- for exes to be friends, particularly if one or both parties still has feelings (whether negative or positive). In your case, you clearly still have feelings for her, and while you think you can be friends with her, it's a pretty safe bet that you can't, at least not at this point. Generally, friendship -- true friendship -- is not possible until both people have moved on -- not necessarily to new relationships, but where they are past any romantic feelings or desire to reconcile.

 

This is why so many on here advocate No Contact (NC), at least initially. Often, when a break-up occurs, one person still wants to be "friends," but it's really hard to make that work without someone getting hurt. Often, it's the "dumpee" who wants the friendship, usually because he or she wants some way to hold onto the other person, even if the relationship is over. Many people post things on here to the effect of, "I would rather have him in my life in some way than not at all," but when it comes down to it, having that person as a "friend" is usually MUCH more difficult than not having them in your life at all, because you have to deal with unrequited feelings, wanting more than what the other person wants, hearing about other people the ex is dating -- or worse, SEEING them with other people, etc. And, often, when the dumper agrees to the friendship, it's not traditional friendship -- it's more of an acquaintanceship -- and the dumpee feels sad because as time goes on, the "friendship" dwindles down to nothing. And, often a "frienship" with the ex keeps the dumpee from moving on -- it's easy to get caught up in waiting, looking for signals that the ex wants to reconcile, etc., all the while not getting on with your own life.

 

I'm sorry this is so hard on you, but please remember that NO ONE in this world is worth ending your life over. You are faced with something sad over which you have no control -- a breakup. What you DO have control over, however, is how you life your life from here on out. I know that I have held on to post-breakup sadness for far too long, and I keep reminding myself of these things:

 

1) While you're feeling sad and pining away for your ex, life is passing you by. Your ex is going on with her life, and if you are feeling sad about her, you are NOT going on with yours.

 

2) Only YOU can change how you feel and where you are in your life right now. Changes require definitive decisions, commitment to making changes, and the will to follow through in making those changes happen. These things are hard to muster when you're feeling down, but you have to just keep reminding yourself that it's about YOU, about making YOUR life better. At this point, she doesn't (and shouldn't) factor into that at all. You have to focus on yourself.

 

3) A big reason why people tend to hang on to things like break-ups for so long is that the have allowed that feeling of pain to become the center of their lives. Life is about so much more than just romantic relationships, and it's essential that we ALL have other things -- work, friends, family, school, exercise, hobbies, travel, sports, whatever -- to have balance in our lives so that when a romantic relationship ends, we don't feel as if our life is over or has no purpose. It's important that you do as much as you can to cultivate your other relationships and interests. Maybe you're already doing some of this, but if you are six months past a breakup and you're feeling like life isn't worth living, then maybe it's time to focus on other things in your life that can bring you peace, a sense of accomplishment, and maybe even happiness.

 

I know how you feel. I've been there. I've felt exactly the way you do, though my situation is sort of the reverse -- my ex seems to be trying to be friends with ME, and since he's the dumper, and he has someone else, it's really hard for me, and I didn't respond the last time he called me, not because I don't care, but because being his "friend" is too hard for me at this point.

 

I hope you feel better soon. Keep posting, and hang in there. Go out today and do something just for YOU. I'm about to go do that right now.

[PushingDaisies]

She doesnt sound worth this pain hopeful. She is thinking only of herself. She has clearly lied to you if she said she wanted to be friends. Do you really want a friend who would lie to you?

 

Perhaps you want to stay friends in the hope that it may make things easier. Or perhaps you want it in the hope that it may lead to her going back out with you. Or perhaps you want it in the hope that it will make this feeling that she sees you as 'disgusted.'

 

Has she actually told you that she sees you as scum or are you jumping to that conclusion because she said she didnt want to be friends? It sounds to me like she just doesnt want to get you thinking things may go somewhere. Perhaps she thinks that because you have pressed things in the past. So, back off, leave her be for a bit and perhaps in the future when you are over her she will be friends with you. But I think atm you need to back off and start to heal yourself.

 

Nothing is worth killing yourself over. You will get over this and find someone else. Have you perhaps thought that she doesnt want to be friends because she is protecting herself? Perhaps she wants some distance? Perhaps she has never been lucky enough to remain friends with her ex. Whatever the reason behind it, she needs some space and distance now, and I think you need it too. Give it a go, perhaps its because you have been in contact with her that you havent healed much yet.

 

I cant stay friends with my ex atm. That is a personal choice, so that I can get some distance and heal. But I wouldnt want him to think that because I dont want him in my life he is a worse person! You have a lot of friends who do want you in their lives. Live for them. Show this girl that you are not going to let her ruin your life!

[browneyedgirl36]

Hey Mark --

 

I knew that you would respond to this post, and, as always, you've given great advice. In fact, you and I had some of the same ideas, but you said them so much more concisely than I did (I'm a bit long-winded).

 

Listen to Mark, Hopeful99, and the other wise folks who I'm sure will respond to your post. They know what they're talking about!