jerk chicken Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 So i have a friend who ive known for about 3yrs, we are not that close tho, speak on msn mostly sometimes the phone, only see each other when necessary like to borrow something, he introducted me to my bf- my bf asked if i was single then my friend told me his friend was intrerested etc etc. Hes always making sly digs and stupid comments he claims its his humor but its starting to piss me off, an example is if i say brb on msn im gnna eat "all u do is eat u need 2 stop eating" or "ur such a snob u think everyone is so below u" cnt think of much more rite now but its worse than that, wen i complain he says "u just cant take my humor u have to be more strong" Today on facebook he tagged me in a picture of mine i put on ages ago, and tagged my bf as "the victim" (bf dosnt have facebook) n wrote a comment saying "oh thanks to me these 2 are together if anyone else needs a man/girl its £50" !!!- talk is cheap cos he met his gf at some ghetto club in our area. I know it is not exactly really serious abuse but little digs all the time are starting to annoy me, plus for my bday a group of my friends including him n my bf are going out- havent been out with him 2 a club before and im embarrased incase he starts dissing me and/or my friends with theses "jokes" my friends deffo wont be impressed. Any advice????? Link to comment
Flux Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I can be quite like that, not as facetious though. Just tell him, look I know its your sense of humour but I don't find it funny. Thats what it would take for me to stop doing it to my friends. If he still doesn't get it, tell him again but say it harsher and it should stop, eventually. If not, then you need to reconsider bieng friends with him, and make him aware you will do that when he tells you Hope this helps... Link to comment
Iris-PJ Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 "all u do is eat u need 2 stop eating" or "ur such a snob u think everyone is so below u" cnt think of much more rite now but its worse than that, wen i complain he says "u just cant take my humor u have to be more strong" sounds like he is the SNOB! what a punk! I would be upset too! I say you call him out on it, tell him, you know what your are not funny, even a clever insult is an insult. but his don't seem to be any type of clever. is he like that with everyone? or does he seem to single you out? if its the latter i think maybe he is hiding something... in either case you do not like it and its time to ignore him and get some distance between the two of you and don't take him around your other good/pleasant friends... you don't want to be associated with this type of toxicity. hope this helps! all the best, -PJ p.s. keep us posted. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 The problem is you're referring to this as a sense of humor - it has nothing to do with being funny. He is acting in a rude, tactless and insensitive way and calling it "jokes." I would tell him that you have a different definition of "humor" and it doesn't include rude comments and digs at the expense of someone else. If he tells you you need to be "stronger" tell him that you are fine the way you are and in your opinion he needs to have stronger manners and tact. You also can tell him that his comments are transparent and make it obvious that he is insecure, which is fine but not when it's taken out on you. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 oh i had that sense of humour back in grade 8.. i dont know, i guess it is partly lack of self esteem.. but mostly it has to do with lack of humour i guess... i took digs at people and thought it was halarious. i didn't realize people would be offended.... i guess you could tell him but be nice about it. i highly doubt it's meant to be mean... so there's no need to be harsh. but yea, i outgrew that fast lol when my friends were like youre being such a B.....itch lol Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 The problem is you're referring to this as a sense of humor - it has nothing to do with being funny. He is acting in a rude, tactless and insensitive way and calling it "jokes." I would tell him that you have a different definition of "humor" and it doesn't include rude comments and digs at the expense of someone else. If he tells you you need to be "stronger" tell him that you are fine the way you are and in your opinion he needs to have stronger manners and tact. You also can tell him that his comments are transparent and make it obvious that he is insecure, which is fine but not when it's taken out on you. I completely agree. He's not the only one who does this either. I know of numerous people who have jibes at others and pass it off as humour. It's unacceptable. If he won't change his behaviour, then there's not much you can do about that, but you can change the company. You don't need to put up with him and feel embarrassed and offended by his behaviour. Link to comment
justkeepon Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Sweetie, the thing about talking online is that it's difficult to interpret emotions and feelings, as opposed to in person. I don't think he means any harm. But since you don't like it, tell him politely that it bothers you and you want him to stop. If he continues then you should end your friendship, since that would mean he is disrespecting you. Link to comment
amure Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 he sounds like a jerk, give him a slap in the face (make sure its in public) and tell him where to go XD Link to comment
alcide Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 think HARDER is that person really your friend. ? Open your eyes.... That how envying starts, dont wait until, if u understand what i'm saying... Link to comment
Flux Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 See I disagree with people saying he isn't your friend because he gives you jibes, I do the same with my friends but its a sign of affection. Could it just be his (twisted) way of showing affection? As for when he tells you its his humour, make it more apparent that it hurts you and he'll probably stop it. If not then stop being his friend, because he's being unreasonable. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Here he told her that it was her obligation to be "less sensitive" so he did not agree to stop. That's different than the teasing or jibing that goes on between friends. Link to comment
jerk chicken Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 thanks for the advice im glad some other ppl would take it in a similar way, even in person/phone he acts the same way, and seems to think everyone should just accept what he says. When ive told him about it before hes like "oh but ur not fat are u? so why would u be offended" or "oh u know what im saying isn't true though so stop crying" !!! I think he does it more with females than his male friends, the next time he does something I am really going to confront him because ive had enough. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 It's not about an angry confrontation. It's about saying firmly and politely: "there are certain things you say that I find tactless. we've talked about it and you think that you are behaving appropriately and that I need to change. While I respect your opinion, I choose not to hang out with you anymore because I don't enjoy being the butt of your jokes and it's not fun or comfortable for me." Link to comment
jerk chicken Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 i forgot to mention another common response when i complain is "OMG ur sooooooo sensitive u have to harden up, its not my fault ur too soft" Link to comment
chocolate-cake Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 this is really out of order but its hard to know how to deal with it because when u talk to him seriously he might just carry on the same way Link to comment
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