What do I tell him?

[PushingDaisies]

I want to tell him I dont want to talk to him until I am healed or unless he is considering trying again but I dont know how to go about it.

 

If you saw my latest thread, I had a bit of a setback in my healing process last sunday...I made the mistake of leaning on him for support at a low time in my life and we ended up having sex.

 

Since then I have been berating myself over and over for it, I really regret it, and despite the great advice of so many people (Kuiks, Clabs, Lost to name a few) I cant stop beating myself over the head with it.

 

It was he who instigated it. That night I got a lot of 'I miss this,' 'I miss the closeness,' 'I miss just talking,' 'I only wanted a break,' 'I want a relationship but not the stress we had at the end,' 'Its not that Im not in the same place as you ... '

 

And I gave out a lot of 'Ive changed' allusions ... 'I wish I learned from my mistakes before,' 'I hated the person I became,' 'I never want to lose myself like that again.'

 

Today, 4 days after that night, I get a text from him asking how I am. FOUR DAYS! Sigh. Anyway, I havent replied. I feel that for my sanity I need to stop talking to him. What I want to say to him is that I appreciate him being there on sunday but I dont feel we can be friends...talking is stopping me healing ... I dont want to hear from him unless he wants to get back together...I was weak on sunday but he lost the privaledge of sleeping with me when he broke up with me...Im not going to be his FWB...I am not going to wait around for him to decide he wants me in his life or not, I need to move on and at the moment that is without him.

 

So what I really need advice on, is,

 

-How to say it? Do I ask him for a face to face meeting? Do I send text? Do I write him a letter? Do I talk to him over MSN? Do I send him a facebook message? (These are private by the way).

 

-What do I say? I mean, I know what I want to include, but how do I go about saying it?

 

- Was what he said to me that night genuine or just suger coating to get me into bed? Bearing in mind he didnt try to force me. I know nobody is a mindreader but what are your opinions on this?

 

- And should I ask him whether what he said was genuine or not?

 

- Is it okay to contact him at all or should I just stop accepting his texts/calls etc?

 

Thankyou for reading this, sorry its long and rambling lol.

[Hollyj]

Two weeks back I was in the same situation.

 

First, I had the conversation by phone, not as impersonal as by letter or text. I then told him that he meant a lot to me as a friend and otherwise. Next, I told him I was unable to keep up the friendship and we needed to go NC-emotions and attraction were still too strong-because it was just too difficult-says he's working towards a relationship but has other issues preventing him (employment), whatever. I wished him the best and that was it.

 

I will tell you it was the smartest decision I have made in a long time. I miss him, but I feel so much better about myself, I feel I've gotten myslf back!!!! When you have the upper-hand you're able to see things soooooooooo much clearer. Good luck!