Dreams of the ex

[musashi]

Okay. First things first, I am tore up from the floor up, as usual when I post. Breaking my habit, though, this time I post without rhyme (oops Seriously, I have responded many times to those who dream of their exes. I have been fortunate in that my dreams have been ex free. Not last night. Damn did it hurt to wake up this morning feeling fresh love for the one who is gone. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. All day has been a quagmire of emotions past. I have moved on rather well compared to some I see here, but today brought me to my knees.

 

I had a lunch date with a good friend of mine from years past. We had a thing until I hooked up with my ex and she politely stepped aside. I went to catch up but ended up telling her my whole story. The dream made the wounds bleed fresh that I thought were healed. I still feel pain everyday but I am making gains everyday. I actually rolled out of bed this morning holding my chest, I stumbled to check my phone, then on to the email. Nothing. Nothing there. Damn did it hurt. It was like I fell in love all over again and woke up stuck in this rut of alone. Damn. I see many more days of dread ahead, and I knew they were coming, like I know they are. Still, my heart has been pounding all day, my mind has been drifting away.

 

I checked her myspace for the first time in weeks. New picture she has but her status is single. I know her and I know she will not reach out, no matter how much it hurts her, because she does not want to hurt me. She is in a messed up place at the time. I want to reach out and touch her. I want to let her know that she is still fantastic in my mind. Which she is. The most fantastic I have ever had.

 

Sometimes I am mad at her. But, honestly, she was very honorable, noble, and caring in the BU. I read some posts here about how the BU goes and my heart cries out. And do not think for a moment that she is still pedastal worthy. I knocked her down, made a list, feel the pain of alone, hell, I can still feel the twist of the knife when she told me she found someone else. Still, she did the right thing as far as BU is concerned. Maybe not right as far as relationship, and I do think she screwed up choosing him - though he is by far not a bad pick, just not as good as me - but she could have hurt me much worse.

 

To dull the pain today, I went with my mates and we fished with hot dogs as bait - yeah, funny as hell, I know - we drank, partied, and ended up at party girls flat but I could not shake this. I laughed, I joked, I flirted, then choked. I had a good time but here I am at ENA. You reading this is what gets me through the day sometimes. The responses are what makes me say "Time heals all wounds. This pain will EVENTUALLY go away".

 

It has been almost three months. Three months of rollercoaster hell. The happy days are coming more frequent, and I am starting to see a future. But I join the bandwagon saying that dreams of the ex suck! It was my first of her and I hope it will be my last. I do not know how some of you handle dreaming of the ex like you do and waking up to it over and over again. I have a much better understanding of empathy. I thank all of you here at ENA. Truly. We are a unique breed.

[greywolf]

Hey musashi. I'm sorry to hear about that. I know it's hard. But like you said the good days are becoming more frequent, so hang in there. This will pass.

[Wolf_22]

It's ironic that I happen to stumble accross this post today because a few days ago, I had a dream that made me wake up with tears in my eyes. I'm 25 and this was the first time in my life this has ever happened.

[Mme.butterfly]

Please dont be so sad, I know that sounds terribly difficult, but, you shouldn't torture yourself so much. I, too, once loved someone so much it was as if this love had encompassed me completely and when he had gone my body was an empty void.

 

I know it seems silly and cliche to say, but try not to become saddened, dont let these dreams tear through your already battered heart. Instead please try to cherish your memories of her, feel comforted by them.

 

You know...my ex and I recently got back in touch, specifically because we both wanted to have closure. We talked about how much we loved one another, and even now we still love eachother. But, the nature of that love shifted over time and now there is room for us to move on. My only suggestion would be to try contacting her, email was how I did it (I would suggest something that doesnt allow you the opportunity to be alone with her, you might do something you'll later regret) I sincerely hope it all works out for you.

 

On a side not, are you a musashi? I'm a kobayashi, let me know if you speak Japanese

[PushingDaisies]

Ouch How well do I know that hurt? I have had two dreams about my ex since we broke up. Both had something to do with him getting a new girlfriend. And both were after times that I had run into him. You have my sympathy musashi, I really hope it starts to get easier again.

 

It does get easier again I promise. And it won't take so long to recover from this setback as you think. Keep coming to ENA, we're there for you

[Lilla]

I dream a lot about my ex.. But tonight I had definitely the most incredible dream! I dreamt that he came back to me and I was so happy again and I remember I told myself in the dream: this can't be a dream, it is obvious that I am awake.. Then we started to take a long walk with my best friend: a pink polar bear.

 

When I woke up I was so happy, in love and in harmony with myself.. Then I realized that it was just a dream…

 

First I thought this will ruin my day, but to my surprise I forgot it after 10 minutes. I guess I learnt to deal with it, time heals.

[PushingDaisies]

Good for you lilla!!!

[hamsalad]

Ha, I just posted over in the Day by Day thread about my dream I had last night. Didn't see this post until afterwards.

 

Yeah, a morning can be torn asunder after a dream about the ex. The mind and heart are truly strange bedmates, but they have to go to the same bed with you each night whether you like it or not. Like I said in my other post, this morning was a set-back and it was tough to get up, but I literally bolted from bed so I could fill my thoughts with other things instead of her.

 

It's taken much of my resolve to hold back the huge flood of anger that wants to break free and wreak havoc on my well-being. Anger at what? It won't do much good as she won't see it or understand it even if she did see it. I know she'll never contact me. Ever. She won't want to hurt me further, I know. That's right, most of us will never see our exes again, except in our minds. I just pray that time will work its magic. Opportunities lie ahead, right?

[Litgirl01]

Sorry you are in so much pain musashi! (((hugs))) I pray every night that I won't have a dream about him. They have gone away at this point. The pain hasn't.