Would it be rude to start NC?

[Degan]

Women are very illogical, no offense ENA women. I have been going through more grief then happiness lately. I don't even know why I still talk to her at times the conversations never go anywhere. She is beautiful to me I don't even care that she is in a wheel chair with Spina Bifida. I used to be in love with her and have been over 2 times already to Minnesota to stay with her. I have known her for 5 years since we were both in HS. We talked almost every night on the phone for hours. She liked me on and off for the first 3 years. the last 2 years it has been pretty much only sided. I have cut off communication 2 times which didnt stick after she practically came back begging both times.

 

When communication was cut I felt like a new man like could take on the world. Light and free like a feather until she started talking to me then I felt the guilt I would be a bad guy if I stopped talking and ignored her. At times nothing I talk about is good enough. It isn't wise to move into another house when it will likely cause problems even if it is only for the summer. Every time start liking others I fall back on her when it doesn't turn out to be anything of that nature. She used to reject me all the time and never took it to heart. Should I be taking constant rejection differently?

 

I have been thinking lately that I shouldnt go at all and cut communications quickly before I fall back into the cycle again and head with some friends to the bar. Would I be jerk for leaving her without a roommate this summer if I am in NC to heal and move on?

[annie24]

hold on, i am confused. what's going on here? are you supposed to live with her this summer? do you two live together? i would not move in with her, no. and what is the nature of your relationship? friends? look, if you like her, and she isn't reciprocating, yes, walk away, move forward. she can find another roommate on craigslist or something. you have to take care of yourself.

[Degan]

hold on, i am confused. what's going on here? are you supposed to live with her this summer? do you two live together? i would not move in with her, no. and what is the nature of your relationship? friends? look, if you like her, and she isn't reciprocating, yes, walk away, move forward. she can find another roommate on craigslist or something. you have to take care of yourself.

 

I live in Washington state, she lives in Minnesota. I have pretty much been head over heels for the past 5 years. it never went anywhere relationship wise. it has been more then friendly on occasion due to distance it never went anywhere. She literally begged for me to be the roommate since they couldn't find anyone else. Would it be rude if I knew she couldn't.

[annie24]

I live in Washington state, she lives in Minnesota. I have pretty much been head over heels for the past 5 years. it never went anywhere relationship wise. it has been more then friendly on occasion due to distance it never went anywhere. She literally begged for me to be the roommate since they couldn't find anyone else. Would it be rude if I knew she couldn't.

 

so you were going to move halfway around the country so she can find a roommate? no offense, but don't you think that YOU are being the illogical one here? did you have no other reason for moving to minnesota other than that? i'd tell her she should get a smaller apartment then. i think it would be foolish of you to chase after this girl after she has repeatedly turned you down.

[Cognitive_Canine]

She's the one rejecting you, how are you the jerk here?

 

Do what's good for you. You aren't responsible for other's happiness. Especially those who keep bringing you down.

[Degan]

She's the one rejecting you, how are you the jerk here?

 

Do what's good for you. You aren't responsible for other's happiness. Especially those who keep bringing you down.

 

I already said I would come over there a couple months ago when she asked and now I am not so sure.

[annie24]

I already said I would come over there a couple months ago when she asked and now I am not so sure.

 

but why did you agree to this? that's what i don't get. is your sole reason for moving there just to help her out financially? do you have a job lined up in mn or any other reason for going there?

[annie24]

from what i gather, you are being a doormat. sorry if that's harsh, but it's the way i see it. you've been into this girl for a long time, but she hasn't returned those feelings, and you seem to know this. yet you are really putting yourself on the line for someone who wants no more than friendship. however, you don't seem to be over her at all. i don't think she is giving mixed signals, it sounds like you aren't listening to the ones that are loud and clear. why would you go and move in with a girl who's rejected your advances so many times? unless you have some other important reason to move to MN, that makes no sense at all. i would tell her to find a new roommate, go NC, and focus on healing yourself and start doing things for yourself.

[Degan]

I am very much a romantic and I don't give up very easily. my only real reason is to live with her and see if there is any chance even though in conversations its me trying more then her. I am not the best at giving up.

 

Annie: nothing wrong with being truthful even if it is harsh.

[annie24]

I am very much a romantic and I don't give up very easily. my only real reason is to live with her and see if there is any chance even though in conversations its me trying more then her. I am not the best at giving up.

 

Annie: nothing wrong with being truthful even if it is harsh.

 

ok, i think persistence is a great quality, but there's a difference between being persistent and beating a dead horse. if you want to be persistent about finding a cure for cancer or helping low income children learn how to read, that is great. but with this woman, you are just wasting your time. she's clearly not interested in you, it's not worked out, so time for you to move on!!!! there are a million other women who i'm sure would love to have a romantic bf like you. just look online, you'll see that there are thousands of women in your area, in your age range, looking for a nice boyfriend like you. so stop wasting your time on this MN girl and focus on your own life.

[m12988]

I am very much a romantic and I don't give up very easily. my only real reason is to live with her and see if there is any chance even though in conversations its me trying more then her. I am not the best at giving up.

 

Annie: nothing wrong with being truthful even if it is harsh.

 

Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Without that, there really isn't much you can do. If the communication is pretty much gone when you two are on the phone, trust me, it'll be no different in person. Friends and couples do NOT talk more/less whenever they are living together than when living apart, I know that, I talk the same amount to my fiance as I did when he lived 1600 miles away from me. The relationship will not change. It's been 5 years you invested into this relationship, 5 years is a long time.

 

In response to your last question, NO you would not be a jerk. You have done your part and if she can't reciprocate, that's her problem. You came to enotalone to ask this question, and my heart tells me you would be happier going on with your life and not being tied down to someone who clearly doesn't know what she wants in her love life as of yet. It's your life and you should move on.

 

It kinda sounds to me as if she cares nothing much about your relationship, but only needs a roomate for financial reasons/company. She's comfortable with you and is pretty much just desperate for a roomate, not you in particular. Thats what I think, anyway.

[Degan]

In response to your last question, NO you would not be a jerk. You have done your part and if she can't reciprocate, that's her problem. You came to enotalone to ask this question, and my heart tells me you would be happier going on with your life and not being tied down to someone who clearly doesn't know what she wants in her love life as of yet. It's your life and you should move on.

 

It kinda sounds to me as if she cares nothing much about your relationship, but only needs a roomate for financial reasons/company. She's comfortable with you and is pretty much just desperate for a roomate, not you in particular. Thats what I think, anyway.

 

There is alot of support for healing and NC which I am figuring out how to put some closure on the situation. Rather then saying "bye" I will need to say something more.

 

That last paragraph sounds about right especially since I was her last option to be a roommate for the summer and shouldn't expect to much to happen with her.

[Degan]

Anyone please reassure me that starting NC is for the best. Please I am trying to reassure her that I don't want not talk anymore. I am falling back I can sense it someone tell me what to do.

 

She says she had feelings for me and didn't tell me cause that is her personality. Which i know is true I have tried to talk into asking guys she likes out before and never did. I find it convenient that of all times she says it now.

 

She says she has been stressed a lot due to being sick and an upcoming surgery again after her accident. That she obviously isn't annoyed with me enough to stop talking to me.

 

she is very unhappy and trying to guilt me and I know that is typical. just wondering if I should deal with her instead of just ignoring her since she really does seem hurt.