Argh! Too slow again!

[GettingBetter]

Well, I did it again! Every time I have a girl interested in me, I move so slow that they just lose interest. I think that they just assume I'm not interested in them, which wasn't the case at all this time, and usually isn't anyway.

 

I'm trying to take it as good as possible, but it hurts. I can take rejection until the end of time, but when I like and girl, and she likes me, and I'm the one to drop the ball because I'm so oblivious and slow to react, it just kills me.

 

I'm beginning to recognize my mistakes now, which is the first step to changing. I realized the moment I missed the perfect opportunity to kiss her, somewhere around date four, after which everything fell apart.

 

But, I'm confused. My girl friends always advise guys to "Take things slowly." I've always taken that as great news since I naturally do, but it doesn't seem to be working and so now I'm considering changing myself. But I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.

 

First of all, with this exception, I'm very happy with myself. Everything in life is going just great, except for my relationships. Second, I look at some of the couples I know who were friends--just friends--for months before they started going out, and that's the kind of relationship I'd rather be in. And last, I'm not 100% convinced that me taking things to slowly is the issue, although it's either that or I'm just not an interesting person, because I seem to be doing fine attracting women, but nothing ever develops beyond that, except for friendships occasionally.

 

So, what do you think about my concerns? How slow is too slow? Should I change myself to be more assertive? And how realistic are these friend-to-relationship transformations that some of my friends have encountered?

 

Oh, and having missed this opportunity to kiss her about a week ago, is it too late to fix things?

[arcadefire]

It's never too late to fix things. Ask her out and this time kiss her (if you think she needs to know how you are feeling by now!).

 

As for being friends before a relationship, I've seen it work either way. Don't pressure yourself to be friends first. It can come without friendship as well.

[greywolf]

Try being more aggressive next time. See what happens.

[vermilion]

I can tell you that I don't lose interest if a guy moves "too slow" - I assume he's lost interest in me. So I back off and try not to sound too eager when he calls/texts. Is it the best thing to do? Probably not. But I'm not a big fan of rejection so I do it anyway.

 

I think a lot of girls do the same. I mean, even though some say, "Girls can go for it now! Be aggressive! Ask out guys! You kiss HIM!" But at the same time we receive messages like, "NEVER ask out a guy! NEVER seem to like him that much!"

 

And for me, the second view is the way I go. Any time I've shown interest in a guy, he totally loses interest in me.

 

For guys, sure you should play it cool, but at the same time, you have to just go for it at some point- because the girl probably won't.