Very Mad - What Does This Mean?

[ScenicBoy]

I am the dumpee and have been split from my ex-gf for 3+ months after a 6 month relationship. It wasn't an angry break-up but it was ugly as her behavior in the end was very disrespectful. She stated a desire for friendship after some time passed.

 

In short...neither of us were healthy enough for a relationship. I was a bit insecure and she had not finished grieving the loss of her marriage (she left him). Her ex-husband was manipulative and crossing boundaries into her life and she chose to "ignore" it. She villainized him to me for months, but in the last 2 months she was working on a "friendship" with him while telling me she just wanted a peaceful co-parenting thing with him. I let her know I was unhappy with the inappropriate crap he would do. I wasn't jealous and there is no chance for them to reconcile. I do know that my insecurity and lack of real communication helped push her away. While I didn't like the way my ex-gf acted back then, I viewed it as where she was with herself, not who she is.

 

I was close to her kids and asked for the chance to say "goodbye". I felt that was best for the kids as well as me. At her choice, that goodbye never happened. I always felt that her decision was the wrong one.

 

Since the split it has been utter silence - nothing. I've sent one e-mail in ninety days asking if her family was ok after recent tornados...that's it. I've seen her on the street while driving in our small town, and she hasn't acknowledged me. NOW, things have changed this week.

 

The other day, she waived while driving by me. I thought it was a friendly change, but nothing more. Today, while standing in the front yard with my back to the street and my ex-gf drving by, she stops and asks me a question about why I am home. As I walk towards her car, she rolls the back window down and there are her children. After I say "hi", her daughter says "how come you wouldn't let Mommy talk to Daddy?" in a very angry voice. My ex tells her daughter to be quiet and rolls up the window. I ignored her daughter's comment and we continued the conversation for about 2-3 minutes and it ended. It was just small talk.

 

I was stunned and hurt by what her daughter said. That little girl hasn't seen me in 3+ months and that was the first thing out of her mouth?!?! It was inaccurate too - I was against inappropriate and unhealthy, not a friendship.

 

Why would my ex-gf suddenly start being conversational? She had to know her girl would say something. Why would she allow this? I'm confused, hurt and very angry. A female friend said my ex-gf was being vindictive but I don't know. I want to e-mail or call my ex-gf and tell her how I feel about this, but am holding off for the moment.

 

Yes - I still love her and want her back - when she is healthy. I also know I cannot do a friendship - too many strong feelings (I have not told her this).

 

Do I do anything here or just let it pass? Thoughts, please???

[ScenicBoy]

**BUMP**

 

Anyone??? Thoughts, please.............

[arcadefire]

Sorry to hear that your relationship wasn't a very healthy one. It looks like she seemed offended by your advice for her to avoid her ex-husband, and in return probably felt like you thought she couldn't make her own decisions about her ex-husband.

 

As for her daughter's statement, she most likely said that from conversations from her mother, and normally children don't lie. Your ex probably feels like she has a right to have this co-parenting thing with her ex-husband even though she knows that her ex-husband wasn't really a good one.

 

If you still love her and she doesn't love you back, a friendship will be very difficult to maintain platonically. It would be best to avoid her until you get over her.

[ScenicBoy]

Thanks, MusicDee...

 

The funny thing is, she asked me to to help her with the ex-husband thing as she felt he was emotionally abusive and she "had been in it so long, she didn't always see the manipulation and abuse". He manipulated and pulled her heartstrings again and then he was quite inappropriate and stepped into our relationship - so to speak. An example -> He gave her a Valentine's Day card that he signed with the kids names (and the kids had no knowledge of). There were obvious problems.

 

Why tell the kids any details though? Again - why bring this around me after 3 months of no communication and ugliness...acting like nothing was a big deal. Ggrr....