man in love with me now he's with another woman

[bischou]

I went to my sister's engagement party early November, with my man we had a fanatastic time, he even sang "you are always on my mind" which was a very romantic for him .. Actually the last 4 months have been really brillant lotsa chatting doing stuff together, having lotsa fun,

he met my parents and we all had a great time.

 

 

I hadn't mentioned anything about us getting engaged, or neither had my family, I was happy where we were, just being together and I was talking it nice and slow and enjoying the relationship.

 

He has lots of his own cave time, which I like too as I like my quiet time as well. So we spent quality time together and apart

 

a week later he gets prepositioned in a club and screws a woman, I knew something was wrong as he was acting diffrently, I found out, from a text message of her boasting, to him she had nicked him from me.

 

we've being having an on/ off relationship for last 3 years, the last 4 months have been very good, and we had sorted a lot of things out. we were both very happy. I only got back with him as he said he wanted to have a proper relationship with me.

He seems to get to a certain space then he backs off.

 

We were going to celebrate xmas with his kids

Now I won't see his kids(we get on fablously well togther)

 

He has had a previous marriage which went badly wrong, very manipulative ex partner his mother left when he was 5, so he's not had it easy

 

I'm not condoning what he did , I feel very disappointed by his actions we haven't talked about it properly since it happened, his is excuse was it was only the once(if that was true why did he give her his mobile number and they were texting each other as well) he wasn't going to tell me as it would hurt me too much.

 

I don't know how to feel i still feel numb all I can do is just let go as I don't know what else to do... I know he loves me as there is no comparison between her and me , yet it is easier for him not to acknowledge his feelings and be with someone who doesn't challenge him

 

Please for my own peace of mind I need to look up and understand why he did this

Are there good websites that would help. He is a true commitment phobic, It's diiffcult to not take this personally, as I know I didn't do anything wrong.

 

That's why this is so sad, it was obvious that he was happy and so was I, now I have no idea

[Firehawk]

I am sorry about your present circumstances. Sounds to me like he doesn't deserve you. From a male perspective, this a character issue with him. If you truly love someone you are not going to play bedroom gymnastics with someone you just met in a club. He had to make a choice. Do I jeopardize my current relationship for some strange and if I do, will I get caught? What will be the consequences if I get caught? Or possibly He had no thought of you at all. If this is the case, then he wants to be a player and he should not have a girlfriend of 3 years. Regarding the commitment phobia and the manipulative ex. Remember there are three sides to a story. His, hers, and the truth. She may have been manipulative because this is a pattern of behavior for him. Just food for thought. He would have never told you about this incident had you not found out about it. He needs to face up to what he did to you and apologize and work on rebuilding your trust or he will continue because there are no consequences for his poor judgement. If he cannot do that, than you have to let him go because you deserve better.

[bischou]

Thanks Firehawk for your reply it's taken me months to talk about it without crying, i feel a lot stronger now and Ihave a lovely new boyfriend who adores me!!!

 

I decided to get rid of him i was hurting badly when i first posted

 

It was just easier to walk away for me as my heart was breaking

 

I honestly think he totally screwed it up, his ego (a stranger prepositioning him in a club) got in the way of a good relationship

HIS LOSS

 

i've seen him since and he is a shell of his former self, so I'm glad in a way he has the guilt of what he has done. I'm not a vindictive woman, but he messed so much with my head... at the end of the day I LET HIM do it

 

 

On some level he thought he wouldn't get caught, i found out within a week of him doing it and confronted him

His charachter and behaviour now are just not acceptable to me

I had to change, whether he does...well I don't give a damn I just pity the next one

 

So i got out and I am so glad i did