Why is she calling me?

[enkymion]

My ex-girlfriend and I totally went splitsville about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I made one last attempt to try to fix the situation. She said that there was without a doubt that she knew we weren't meant for each other. I told her fine. I accept that. I'm not going to make anymore attempts.

 

We haven't talked since then. Last night, I'm chillin' with my boys and she calls me at 11pm. She let it ring for LITERALLY over 2 minutes. I didn't answer. She then called again at 1am. And again let it ring for over a minute. Didn't answer that time either.

 

Why is she calling me? I've let it go. Is it possible she's reneging?

[hamsalad]

Strange. Perhaps she is having regrets about the relationship ending?

 

I often wonder if my ex will try to make contact after dumping me, but knowing her, I doubt it.

[enkymion]

Well what makes it ridiculous is I tried for over 3 months to make it work while we were on a "break".

[Lana0120]

She misses the attention you gave her from the sound of it.

[enkymion]

That's a reasonable possibility. I did give her lots of attention. I treated her amazingly. Never loved a girl like I loved her. But now that I've moved on because of what SHE wanted, it just seems a bit ironic if that was the case.

[CaptainNapalm]

One of two scenarios in my opinion:

 

a) She had an emergency and needed help

 

b) She started missing you and had regrets ending things

 

Chances are number (b) is most probable

[enkymion]

It's just hard for me to think that its really B because she was so adamant about saying we couldnt be together. I told her that this was my last time trying and after this I wasn't going to again. Maybe she didn't take me seriously.

[hamsalad]

One of two scenarios in my opinion:

 

a) She had an emergency and needed help

 

b) She started missing you and had regrets ending things

 

Chances are number (b) is most probable

 

Option B. Yep, it seems to be a pattern with many these days.

[enkymion]

Hmmm... perhaps. It would just be the 180 of all 180's if thats the case.

[lady00]

Attention/wants a reaction. I noticed your posting in "getting back together." Is that still what you want? I thought you'd given up.

[NorthDallas40]

Pretty much the exact thing happened to me.

 

She may not want you back, but she's missing you to some degree. Best thing is to ignore her until she leaves a message that makes it clear that it's more than just the lack of attention that's bothering her.

 

And even then, be very wary.

[Lana0120]

The way I see it is this... you gave her attention... I don't mean necessarily in the relationship, i mean when you were trying to 'win' her back. That made her feel good about herself and place a high value on herself because someone was treating her like a prize. Now you've stopped it - she probably misses that attention and wants it back. That doesn't mean that she wants YOU back though. So I agree with NorthDallas, wait until she says/does something a bit more meaningful, like actually asking you to get back together.

[enkymion]

Attention/wants a reaction. I noticed your posting in "getting back together." Is that still what you want? I thought you'd given up.

 

Astute observation...

[hamsalad]

The way I see it is this... you gave her attention... I don't mean necessarily in the relationship, i mean when you were trying to 'win' her back. That made her feel good about herself and place a high value on herself because someone was treating her like a prize. Now you've stopped it - she probably misses that attention and wants it back. That doesn't mean that she wants YOU back though. So I agree with NorthDallas, wait until she says/does something a bit more meaningful, like actually asking you to get back together.

 

And even then...be wary as stated before by NorthDallas40.

[ResonanceTheory]

When you're the dumper and you first break up with someone, you're usually on a high. You believe there are a lot of other prospects out there. The constant phone calls from your ex remind you why you don't want to be with them. You may even be dating someone else. However, a few weeks to a few months into the situation, after the calls from the ex stop and the suitors are no longer banging down the door, or the passion of the new fling has cooled, you're left feeling alone again.

 

At least that was how I felt, as a dumper. While I had good reasons to leave my own relationship, I do recall that, after a while, I started to miss the good times in my old relationship. I missed the closeness and the love that was there. That's probably what your ex is feeling right now, and why she is calling. She doesn't really miss YOU--she misses the relationship, having someone there to count on, to talk to...etc. She could have been drunk, too. Drunk dials to exes are common.

[enkymion]

I was thinking it could be drunk dialing too!

 

I'm thinking I shouldn't do anything at all.

[Lana0120]

I was thinking it could be drunk dialing too!

 

I'm thinking I shouldn't do anything at all.

 

I think that's the best course of action.

[lady00]

I was thinking it could be drunk dialing too!

 

Good point, I hadn't thought of that. If it's anything super-important that absolutely needs a response from you, she'll call again and leave a message.

[enkymion]

Good point, I hadn't thought of that. If it's anything super-important that absolutely needs a response from you, she'll call again and leave a message.

 

It would have to be an e-mail. I blocked her on IM and my voicemail is not working. I just never bothered to fix it. People don't leave them anyways.

 

She didnt text me so whatever I guess. It must not have been that big of deal.

 

Probably drunk dialing.

[enkymion]

Does anyone think she will try again?

[lady00]

I just never bothered to fix it. People don't leave them anyways.

 

LOL really? People are always leaving me voice messages.

 

But yeah, she'll email you if it's important.

[enkymion]

This may sound selfish, but I admit I want to see her try back for me. Not because I necessarily want her back. But because I spent over 3 months trying to fix things it would make me feel good to see her exert some effort.

 

Is that bad?

[lady00]

This may sound selfish, but I admit I want to see her try back for me. Not because I necessarily want her back. But because I spent over 3 months trying to fix things it would make me feel good to see her exert some effort.

 

Is that bad?

 

Nah, it's human. Acting on it would be bad though. If you see her trying to get back with you and you don't want it too, you know it's not right to lead her on. It's OK to feel how you feel but acting on it would be bad.

[enkymion]

I feel like she lead me on for 3 months though. I feel as though she felt she didnt want to be with me the whole time.

[lady00]

I feel like she lead me on for 3 months though. I feel as though she felt she didnt want to be with me the whole time.

 

Even if that is true, don't stoop to that level just to make her feel bad. Unless you feel that is right. But I suspect you probably don't think it is. The best revenge is living a happy life without your ex. Several exes have hit on me once I've moved on with my life and then randomly bumped into them (in college, it wasn't uncommon for me to bump into my exes that went to the same school). That was after I'd long since lost interest. But it felt good. And I didn't have to do anything. It just happened.