So many complications lately. I need some advice about our lack of trust in the past and what to do.

[BattleOfEvermore]

Hi everyone. I'm new. I actually signed up because I need some objective opinions on this.

 

I've been dating a guy for two years. Six months after we started dating, he joined the Marines. Everything was great while he was here for a year and a half, we were best friends... but I'm not sure about dating anymore. He's been stationed in Japan for 7 months. We broke up at first, but decided that we still had feelings for eachother. While he was telling me that he still wanted me, he was ALSO looking for Australian girls on the internet to hook up with for two weeks. He ended up not even getting to go to Australia though, but when I asked him why he was talking to them, he lied about the reason to make me think it was innocent. He was going to dump me to do that, because he apparently thought that I was going to dump him anyway. When we were finally back "together", before I knew about the last incident, he was also talking to other girls on the internet, but told them he wouldn't do anything with them unless we broke up. One of these girls had previously wanted him to have sex with her because she was "bored", but he refused because we were together then. What kind of person does that, seriously? Also, he told me that he had considered hiring a hooker at one point when a bunch of other Marines were doing it, but then decided that he didn't want to do that to me and it was wrong. Partially because of suspicion of these things, I did some things with a guy friend who was pretty much throwing himself at me. No sex, but there was physical contact. I did the wrong thing, I should have confronted him about those things first instead of doing what I did. It was unplanned though, and I told him about it as soon as it happened. He then confessed to the things he had been doing, and told me it was because he was insecure and thought I was going to break up with him. He used to tell me that I was out of his league, not that I even CARED about that. I had never given him a reason to believe that I would do that before though. It was spur of the moment and because I was upset with him. I loved him very much, and I thought that he was playing me. Now I just think that he's needy and needs a woman, any woman to move on to directly after one leaves him. After I did what I did, he thought that I was going to leave him for the other guy, and he begged me not to. He told me about everything he had done and apologized and said it would never happen again. He told me that I was all that he wanted and that he would trust me if I trusted him. I don't think he's a jerk... I think that he is childish, and I do think that he will do something if he says that he will. This post was really long, but would you you guys even give this a second try? As I said, we've beeen really close, but the long distance misunderstandings have hurt us. Do you think that there is even hope for this? I'm going to see him in July and we're going to talk about it. We'll still be friends even if we break up, because we still are even after all of this mess that's happened, but can you REALLY even build up enough trust again after things like that? I'm new at this type of thing, so I am very confused.

[kuhl282000]

Hello Battle

 

It sounds very complicated if you ask me and I read it over twice. The hooker part really raised my eyebrows. Personally if it were me, I have to have loyality before anything else in a relationship. This guy seems to be playing the field if you ask me. You can rationalize it all you want in your head and try and fit the pieces together but if it were my puzzle, it would be going in the trash. All in all ask yourself, why are you putting up with this period. Begging, breaking up, cheating. They are all signs of major red flags. You can do better ......this guy needs to be kicked to the curb.

A lot of great guys out there, this guy is not one of them he's trouble and he will break your heart so save yourself the pain ........and here is one last thing and I know to be a fact 100%. You will never trust the guy again, you won't. Do you want to torture yourself with that in your head everytime this guy leaves your side "CHEATING". I also would cancel my meeting in July, and I'll bet you $1000 and I'm not a betting man. But I'll bet you he begs you again and again to see you in July. I would move on to something solid if it were me. And I for sure would pass on the meeting, it will only stir the pot and cause you more heartache.

 

Kuhl

[BattleOfEvermore]

Thanks for actually reading it. I would have left him and not even considered what he said if I hadn't also done something wrong. The reason I was so reluctant to give up was because it was so good before he left. You're right though... I'm really tired of having to "put up" with things like that, and I want someone with higher standards who doesn't just take what he can get. He needs to grow up some before he asks a woman to commit to him. I thought that he was a nice guy... that's why I was with him... *sigh*