I dont know what to title this

[mr me]

Im kinda just writing because im really confused. Ive kinda gave up on people being able to help me so ive tried to see if i can help myself. I kinda gave up on people helping me because usually the people that do try dont usually dont have advice that fits with my personality or things that do help me. Also the people that have said some helpful things seem to just say something once to me and never talk back. Ive had a really troubled life and i dont know, alot of things im going thru right now i cant deal with or my coping mechanisms or defense mechanisms arent doing much. I wanted to be a psychologist because it seems like something im naturally good at but at the same time i dont know how much of the psychology i have learned has helped me. I guess it helps other people but so far it hasnt helped me. So i feel like its strange then for me to become a psychologist if it hasnt worked for me. It doesnt bother me too much but i guess other people might find it confusing or stupid in some ways.

 

I feel like the stuff im going thru right now is making me lose my mind. I also know that its stuff inside of me that is the real issue but it takes time to kinda come to terms with stuff. Its just during this time im really going crazy. I am dealing with anxiety, depression, being very negative, exhausted from all this stress, family issues, money issues, personal issues, sanity issues, relationship and girls issues, childhood issues, abandonment issues, no support system, no one that i really talk to, and an insane break-up. i also have what i think is really bad OCD which keeps on bringing up thoughts of my ex or her being with the guy that she was with after she was with me. I have a family history of OCD and have had it before. My therapist said i should think of what i have until i get a professional to tell me but so far alot of the professionals i have had in my life left me with a really bad image of what a professional is. Also with the medical field they are people so they do make mistakes but i guess because of my issues i dont really think of things so rationally. I also didnt grow up in the best environment.

 

I have gone to therapy for over a year but i dont really feel like it worked for me. Ive also tried to do as much natural as i can but its not really helping me so much. I have tried taking meds but from bad experiences it really made me not want to try meds before. I havent gone thru drugs or alot of crazy things to try to deal with this. Its just i thought the stuff i was doing was supposed to be working and in someways it is because i am doing better but lately and i would say especially today and yesterday ive been struggling alot. I guess that might have to do with how my ex's and mine anniversary was a 2 day thing on the 19th and 20th. I guess that doesnt answer any of my questions but i can see why ive been doing crazy bad now.

 

I also have stopped therapy for 3 weeks because it was causing me alot of stress. I might also live in a really toxic household but ive been having alot of issues with tryin to move out. I feel like im almost the cause of it but i also blame my family for bringing up such co-dependent people. Ive also had this personal thing happen where i see that im getting closer to actually getting over my 1st love but its been so freaking hard its almost like i dont know if ill be able to deal with it. Its like the closer i get to moving on all this stuff keeps on coming up and i get so depressed and its completely shuts me down. Ive also seen i get anxiety trying to get over her as well as when i dont try to get over her. I feel like im just writing down how i feel without having someone tell me this or that and what i should do. I cant expect my former therapist to do anything else besides be a therapist but it wasnt working for me because i need so much more than that. I grew up with no one showing me what i should do about life so i had to figure it out for myself. I really screwed up alot because i really didnt know much. So now that im seeing what i did wrong its been really crazy tryin to get back and figuring out what i could do differently. I also dont know if i would have taken anyones advice because i didnt want to be like anyone else. Ive had so many social issues and i dont even know what it could be. I dont know if im around the wrong type of people or their are things with me that im doing wrong. Im also really depressed so im really negative and have a hard time dealing with things.

 

Its like alot of people dont write this much because most people wont read it but i guess im a really big non-conformist but i dont even know if i should be. Its just when i try to be like other people i dont fit in because of how different i am. Its just not really being like other people makes dealing with people so hard and also i dont really have any people i feel like i can talk to. Its like i feel like i have alot of good qualities but my personality makes me so harsh on other people that i dont come off friendly or approachable. I also grew up really anti-social and i dont even know how do u change that. I dont feel like u just make friends as they come into your life but the people that have come into my life have really just hurt me so i dont really trust anyone enough to be open to them. Im also idealistic so i look for the good in people and think that things are good but im learning that alot of things arent as good as i grew up thinking. I probably confused the crap out of people but im really confused myself with myself and my life. Its 5am and for the past year or more i havent been sleepy or tired earlier than this. I really just dont want to live like this but its just the way things have been for me so i have tried my best to deal with this. Its just that alot of the time i havent really been able to deal with my life.

[kadvati79]

Life is right now, it is this second you are reading this. It is what you see around you, it is what you feel inside you, its the people you love and the memories you have. There. Is. Nothing. Else.

 

You know, a good friend of mine once said too me "sometimes something can be wrong with you for so long, that you begin to identify with it, and it becomes part of you". I worry, perhaps, that your problems have become part of you, and every time you are about to overcome them something draws you back towards them. I have found, at times, it is almost comforting to "know" something is wrong with me, searching for that something to blame or to try and solve.

 

I've come to the conclusion, the ONLY thing worth solving in the time we have is the meaning we give to our life. Some people get cancer, and die, some people get hit by cars. People break up, you get fired. There are earthquakes. These things do not stop you finding meaning and value to your life. I do not, and I tollerate not, people defining themselves by what is wrong with them and/or trying to solve their disorders.

 

I'm not here to dwell on my past - my past made me who I am. I'm not a victim, I'm not a survivor, I'm a person who's looking forward. The only time I look back is to smile and congratulate myself on how well I coped with all those crazy dramas that life sprung at you.

 

You want to get better? Then get some damn paper, sit down, and WRITE down what being better actually means. Thats your darn answer right there on the paper, and no therapist or doctor or anyone is going to be able to tell you that. The answer, the key, to end your own suffering is inside you, but its a journey to find it. Every time I'm going through something difficult I tell myself; "if this is what it takes for me to be happy, then so be it. Bring-It-On." It takes precisely the amount of suffering I am faced with to be happy, so I embrace it. Life is overcoming the obstacles that life throws you. Life is about living. Life, it would seem, indeed is totally about you

[Wolf_22]

mr me -

 

Woah! Talk about stress, ehh!? Let's break it all down...

 

Context

First off, it seems to me that you might be going through what I call "college years" (whether you're in college or not). In these years, one may experience a MULTITUDE of emotional shock waves. There's many reasons for this - leaving home, meeting new people, experiencing new things and growing. Most people call these things "growing pains".

 

Problems

Second of all, it sounds like you're everywhere with your issues. In essense, you're overloaded and overwhelmed. To begin with, you're experiencing a yucky breakup with someone you probably thought you loved, you're not sure what it is you want to do with your life and to make matters worse, you feel lonely and hate the toxicity of your family life. I've been there, so I have a pretty good understanding with what it is you're experiencing at the moment. If you're anything like I WAS back in my college days, you probably cry a lot. You probably sit around much of the day trying to figure things out in your mind and when you realize you're unable to make any sense of it all, it makes you even more frustrated. You've probably even fantasized about suicide on a few occasions. Guess what - this reaction is normal.

 

Some fundamental issues here are the following:

1.) Loss of perspective.

2.) Feeling of abandonment.

3.) Simple soul-searching.

4.) Addiction.

5.) Toxic Family.

 

Possible Solutions

1.) Loss of perspective - You need to realize that what you're going through with the breakup isn't forever nor is it caused by anything which isn't fixable. The two of you didn't make it for one reason or other, and that's it. I, too, have recently experienced a bad breakup and later discovered that after only a few months, she was with another guy. Think about how that made me feel? Especially since in order to learn about "her moving on", I had to find an image of her and her new lover online! I felt horrible after that. Realize that these things take time to "ween out of your system". I guarantee you that you'll end up finding someone better later on.

 

2.) Feeling of abandonment - There are a few ways to resolve this. First off, I'm willing to bet you have this immense feeling of bitterness for your family because you feel they should be helping your more, emotionally...? I know I did. My mother was an alcoholic who was rarely sober and my father is one of those fathers who has a hard time talking about "touchy/feely" things. My brothers and sisters are never involved in my life, so that leaves me feeling abandoned at times. One thing I have learned throughout this experience is that friends are the BEST substitute for these times of loneliness and or isolation. If you're an introvert like moi', you might consider making daily runs to frequent places such as a local Starbucks or something along those lines. Bring a book or something and relax. Do this for about a half-hour or so everyday. Remember that your putting all the baggage out the door for this duration and that it's YOUR TIME to enjoy life. If you do this for at least 3 or 4 days a week, you'll begin to meet people and make friends.

 

3.) Simple soul-searching - When things seems to be completely exhausting and you feel you've hit rock-bottom, it's time to just escape somewhere and do some thinking about things. Don't try to fight against these depressing thoughts or sad memories. Sort through them and let them flow because it will heal you. Write down lists of things if you need to if that's what it takes to work your way through them. If you need some help of possible things to make lists from, let me know (PM me).

 

4.) Addiction - This is a big one... The road of healing for addictive traits begins with admitting your addiction and realizing it exists. I was addicted to many things in my life, but one of the worst things was my addiction to my ex-girlfriend's MySpace profile and the like. I would really look at that thing 20 times a day to see if there might be anything on there about me. If you do things like this, it's time to snap it in the butt and end it NOW. PERIOD.

 

5.) Toxic Family - This is the biggest one to tackle. Personally, the only thing I can advise you on with this one is to get out of that house you're living in with your family. Understand that your love of your family will never die, but in order to preserve your own life and health, it is detrimental to your longevity to escape that toxic life. Unfortunately (depending on your finances and whatnot), you may have to wait awhile before you can move into your own apartment or something, but regardless, just get away from some of that stuff if you can. Go hang out with a friend or stable family member. Go for a walk, go exercise, etc.

 

I hope this helps you. I've been in your shoes and I know how bad it can get sometimes being exposed to what you're experiencing. Just hang in there and keep pushing. You'll make it through the storm.

 

 

[thejigsup]

I, too, grew up in a dysfuncitonal household. Alcoholism abounded. When I was younger, I was much like you and then I made the decision that not everyone else could be wrong, it might have been me that was causing many of my problems. I have never had counseling, I do not have a strong belief in psychiatry working for me, though I know it has helped others and I know it has a certain value. The only thing I could change was my outlook on life, so I started there. Within a short period of time, a couple of years at best, I was outgoing, popular and definitely more happy. I still am a perfectionist of sorts, but I use it in a constructive way now. I took my stubbornness and applied it to changing myself. It wasn't easy, but it worked. Having friends, laughing, enjoying life and being able to let go of things is not overrated. Just take your natural tendencies and apply them in a constructive manner. It won't happen overnight, it's a hard process, but if you keep it up, you will be happier.

[mr me]

I will say i really appreciate that someone would take the time to write back to me. I am tryin to keep an open mind but alot of things have brought me down to where i have a hard time going from point A to point B. I see that this stuff helped u ppl so i dont know if it will work for me the same. It means alot to me but right now i dont know how much im gonna get done so idk. Ive kept trying, messing up, tryin to deal with how i messed up and continued trying. I just kinda dont know if people could really understand how bad my problems are but i will take this as a good step in the right direction.

[Wolf_22]

I will say i really appreciate that someone would take the time to write back to me. I am tryin to keep an open mind but alot of things have brought me down to where i have a hard time going from point A to point B. I see that this stuff helped u ppl so i dont know if it will work for me the same. It means alot to me but right now i dont know how much im gonna get done so idk. Ive kept trying, messing up, tryin to deal with how i messed up and continued trying. I just kinda dont know if people could really understand how bad my problems are but i will take this as a good step in the right direction.

 

The road of success isn't paved in a day, not every bolt requires a single wrench and perseverance is the key to all doors.

 

Take me, for example... I am someone who is ALWAYS talking about his websites and how I love making them, yet, when I get home from work, all I can do is be complacent half the time and watch TV or surf the damn internet. Since I work full-time as a programmer (and not a web designer), I have a little bit of an excuse, but in the end, that excuse isn't going to land me a neat website and more clients. Granted, I have my days of depression and self-defeat, but eventually, once I get it out of my system, I keep coming back to swing the sword.

 

You have to keep pushing. It's okay to keep feeling these feelings of sadness and emotional bombshells. It's normal, especially for someone who is experiencing the junk you're going through. I honestly think, though, that if you can just organize your thoughts, a lot of problems you're experiencing will solve themselves. When doing it, consider writing them (your problems) all down on a piece of paper. When you do this, try to condense them and find a root cause of each conflict. When you do this, you need to then figure out what the most conventional and applicable solutions you can pursue within your dilemmas.

 

All of this boils down to "how bad do you want it?"

[stereoeclectic]

i have had OCD since age 6.

 

remember that OCD isn't just your obsessions and compulsions. it is an anxiety disorder.

 

anxiety can be moderate to severe at all times with OCD. and OCD can manifest itself in many ways, whether it be self doubt, social anxiety, hypochondria, depression, you name it.

 

expect to overthink everything. expect to over analyze everything.

 

you can help yourself. i am trying. i work a job, play in a band, maintain friendships, and function as a basically normal person from day to day.

 

i would love to know more about your particular situation.

 

a lot of the things you wrote i can identify with. i have found that many of my personal quirks are manifestations of the OCD. i tried medication, but found that it wasn't for me. i am in therapy right now for it.

[mr me]

Im just really surprised that i feel like i actually started a thread and have got some really good feedback. I kinda wanted to say about the complacent part that u brought up that it doesnt really seem like its bad u just seem to be sensitive and one of the big things about sensitive people is that they complain alot. I guess its to vent but hopefully u have ppl that understand that about u and dont see it as a bad thing. I usually get ppl alot of the time telling me i should change things about myself because of how its causing me problems but i know this is how i am so i cant really change it. I know i am a very difficult person to deal with because of the qualities that i read about from being stubborn, sarcastic and critical and i cant recall the last trait but i show all of those traits. I do have people that im around so i do have friends and family but i dont really get any support so i dont even see them as people that are there for me. I also have trust issues with them because of things ive seen being around them.

 

Im really introverted, over sensitive, and really a quiet shy person. I never really had too many problems with it until my bubble kinda burst and im still trying to handle alot of the things i have noticed now. I actually got to the point where i dont see that there is something wrong with me for being this way which helped alot. its just like alot of times in my life the struggle i have had to endure to get to that point was almost too much for me to handle and thats i guess where this all started. I grew up tryin my best to do things and really messing things up or not really getting where i wanted to get in life and would become really indifferent to the world till i could try again and try to make something out of my life. I have got to the point where im not expecting my life to end up perfect because i kinda wanted an idealistic life. I feel like that brought to me alot of stress because i was aiming for something that wasnt going to happen. Honestly the only thing i have seen work for me is giving myself time to get thru the bad times and try to see what was going on. I tried cognitive therapy but it didnt seem to work for me. I have this personality trait where i am always looking for the causes to things and it seemed like thats what works for me but im kinda seeing that sometimes im not really sure what caused what in my life. I am tryin to change as much as i can because i dont feel like i can be the same person i was growing up because alot of what made me who i am is my issues so if i continue being that person i am just continuing to go along that path.