not quite sure how to act now!!

[mrmaturity]

lo all.

 

My first post so be gentle with me!

 

Ok, heres how the story goes so far....I was going out with my ex for nearly 3 years, and she broke it off a couple of months back, stating i didnt give her things she needed during the last year or so. Things she needed to hear from me but for one reason or another i didnt. i dont hold myself responsible for that, and she broke up with me, leaving me devastated and obviously heart broken. When she broke up with me i was still in love with her, beyond belief, and i did the usual asking for another chance, feeling really crap etc, for around a week to two weeks. She said to me she dont think she loves me anymore, and she didnt want it. I suspected she may have been seeing someone, but very recently, she told me she wasnt. We had minimal to no contact for nearly two months, and now, weve started talking again, txting, etc. She said the other person took advantage of her, as in using her for £ purposes, but nothing went on. I trust her in that.

 

Now the contact has slowly started, ive told her i feel fine, am strong minded because i forced myself to be, and have started to enjoy life again. Thats not always the truth though, as some of me still hopes we may be able to start over again. Ive been going out every week and enjoying myself, helping me recover. During our last conversation, weve both said we will take it slowly now, and just carry on being mates, but i dont want her to to just be using me for her to feel better about not having anyone. When we txt and talk we seem to be flirting here and there, although im yet to see her after nearly 7 weeks.

 

What should i do? I may well be seeing her in the next week or two, but purely for a coffee, etc. Shes told me not to expect anything to happen in terms of romance, etc, and that if it doesnt work, we will still be good friends. Im strong enough to realise the chances of us getting back together are around 20%, or even less, but at the same time im getting mixed signals everywhere. I still like her alot, even though i havent seen her for so long, etc, but im not sure if i love her....i think shes now realised what we had was good, but shes scared of getting too deep again. I know she still likes me, but i dont know how much.

 

thereforeeee im going to take it really slowly, and not rush into anything with her....keep enjoying my own company, and enjoying the weekends, but laugh and joke with her when i see or speak to her, and see what happens.

 

Is this right, or am i going about it the wrong way? Im very apprehensive about how to act when i eventually do see her, but at the same time, i hope in time we may be able to resolve things, and learn from previous mistakes, etc etc blah blah!

 

cheers all!

[raider5]

Newbie poster here so take my advice with a grain of salt. incidentally, I think your chances may be better than 20%, she is showing that she still thinks about you, and you did have 3 years together.

 

She left you because you weren't giving her the relationship she wanted. So if you changed for the better and she thinks that you can make it work then she will come back to you. (Don't expect it to happen all at once, it may take months.) At this first meeting you need to project an arura of change, she needs to see in you the man she fell in love with, only better. NEVER say that you're changing but let her find it out for herself. Workout, take on new projects, go skydiving, start reading relationship/self-evaluation books (find out how to be the perfect man for her, why did the relationship not work, Know when to say "I was wrong"), get a tan or new clothes. Let her see that since the breakup you've realized that life is too short, you've learned to love yourself even more, and your the best thing that ever came into her life. But don't mention ONE SINGLE THING about the relationship. Let her mention it if she wants to, but if she does try and move the topic of conversation away from it. Let her think that you are only there because you love her not because you want her back. If you haven't cried in front of her recently or begged for her back you should even try to be the one to cut the "date" short. Let her know that you still have things to do. But don't let her think that you're playing hard to get (you may want to tell her right off the bat that you have an appointment or something).

 

You are allowed to love her with everything you have, you don't NEED her in your life, but you love her enough to WANT her in your life (move on a little) If she asks, sure, tell her you still love her, but she should see that from how you're so happy to be with her. She should leave this "date" wanting more it should be a pleasant experience.

 

After the date let her contact you. Wait a predetermined time. Say, "I'm going to wait one month for her to call me." If she doesn't call in that time then you can try and love her back to you. Send her a card, let her know you still love her. This method is outlined in the book, "How to get your lover back" by Blase Harris M.D. But it would be better for her to want you back than to try this method.

 

Good luck!

[mrmaturity]

thanks for the advice!

 

ok, quick update for yall

 

things have been going well i guess, been speaking with her pretty much everday (she calls me!) and when we do, its light, upbeat and fun conversation, how it used to be really. laughing, joking, etc! kinda let it slip that i still like her the other day, and yet she still talks to me, etc she knows what i think of her, thats something she knows for sure!

 

is that good i guess? still taking the two steps back before one step forward approach!

 

p.s., im not young or anything, im over 21!