Traveler27 Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Six months ago I moved 3,000 miles away from my family (my mother, primarily) and am now in the process of ending a 5 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend. I've found a good job in the new city that I'm living in, and it's a contract position that will end in 3 months. But now, with the pain and loneliness of this breakup, I'm not sure I can make it alone in a new city. I'm considering leaving my job, and returning home to live with my mother, who has always been a great support in my life. I don't have any friends here (or in my hometown either) so I just don't know how I'm going to endure the tough times that are ahead. I mean how can you go through something as devastating as a breakup, and not have anyone to turn to. Or am I just being a wimp? Has anyone dealt with a personal crisis without an immediate support system? Link to comment
maryjane123 Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Hi i know exactly how u feel i got in a relationship in america and all my friends and family are in london. Breaking up is so much harder when u don't have support and you feel so alone. i understand everything is a reminder of the relationship too. i know it is easy to just go but sometimes and most often the pain travels with you and if you can try to do the things you enjoy and go to support groups then this mite help. the fact that u r on line typing your problems is you reaching out which is a good sign. Which area do u live in? Link to comment
Nurseman Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Yeah, you're being a wimp. lol. You are looking at this all wrong. You now have OPPORTUNITY. You have 3 months to get your head together, without outside influences. You have time to consider what you want out of life, what you want to do next. If need be, you have time to heal. PLUS (and this is a really good part) you have the chance to EXPLORE a whole new city. Make new friends. Eat different foods. Shop someplace you never new existed. Talk about adventure! When I was 18, I joined the Air Force. Initially, I spent a lot of time in San Antonio, Texas. Wow! Discovering a new culture, and an entirely different environment was one of the best times of my life. (I'm from Virginia, but I got to be a COWBOY!!!) It's ALL in the attitude! Go, have some FUN! Link to comment
Creative Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Has anyone dealt with a personal crisis without an immediate support system? Usually, I just IM my old friends for support. Do you really have zero support system right now? Perhaps you can be more open with your existing friends and see if they can help you out. Are there anything you know you can do but haven't done to alleviate this crisis? Link to comment
Nixee Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 I felt very much like this going through my big breakup a year and a half ago. I'd moved to this town (his hometown) for him, and the only people I'd even started to meet here were my new co-workers (well... besides some of his friends and famly... and the woman he left me for.) I won't lie, it made me bitter for a bit. I felt extremely out of place. Even worse it is a fairly small town where a lot of these people are all networked together and went to school with one another at some point, and I truly was the outsider. But Nurseman is right... you can view this as an opportunity too. If you start to reach out a bit to people (do you have new co-workers?) you will get to know some new people you may find. I am still in the same town myself, and I still wish to leave (it has never truly felt like 'home' to me), but I toughed it out for the sake of my job... and now the best things I have here are my co-workers who have been friends to me. I also did what the others suggested too, kinda like you've already started here.. went online... expressed myself.. met new people in surrounding areas. And I reconnected with friends who now live far away. Just because they aren't close doesn't mean we can't talk. It is extremely hard to go through such a big breakup, and as my mother told me a day or two after mine hit, "sometimes you just have to go into 'survival mode'." But try to think about how good your job will be for you in the end. Three months is not that long, but you can do a lot of healing in that time if you let yourself. Link to comment
sunshine4u Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 I know what it's like to have to deal with things when you're family is far away. I'm living in Germany with my husband and my entire family and all of my friends are in Canada. It's not any easy situation but because you don't live as far away from your family as I do, I would take the advice of the intelligent people who have already answered your question. You have a chance at a whole new start for yourself, the independent you. Your outlook on the situation is understandably grim but stick it out and see what wonderful things will come your way! If it doesn't work out after three months then try another city or your hometown and you will have still gained three months of new experiences. Good luck and stay positive! Link to comment
Traveler27 Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 Thank you for all the great advice and words of encouragement. I wish I had the kind of personality where I could get out there and meet new people, but I've always been quite the introvert; it is a trait so hardwired in my nature, that it would be difficult to just break free from that and start being a more sociable person. If only I had one person, just someone I could turn to for emotional support. After leaving this relationship (it's been going on for 5 1/2 years) there will be a lot of devastation. I'm in the process now and it's already killing me. I've been through some hellish experiences in my lifetime, and this ranks right at the top of the list as one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Is your mom happy where she is now? Have you invited her to stay with you? Link to comment
Enigmatika Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Has anyone dealt with a personal crisis without an immediate support system? Yes......most interesting time. Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Small city yes, large city no. Our definitions of small and large cities could vary. I'd move to bendigo, ballarat, or canberra but I wouldn't relocate to sydney for example. Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Actually, I did the same thing some years ago. Had just broken up with a bf I had dated for a couple of years.. When I left college, I did move to an entirely new state, knew no one at all! What an experience. It was a great experience actually, one I've never regretted. I'm not sure where I'd be today if I hadn't taken that step. One question, though, Do you like where you are living? If you don't then move, but if you think it's a neat place, interesting, nice scenery, and if "only" there was someone there to explore it with romantically, you'd be happy, I think you should give it a chance. But look, now, there's the internet and you can join a dating site.. or just a site that has people who have the same hobbies as you. Your world is really your oyster now. You can look at it two ways. You are devastated and you need to recover. Or you can start a whole new life and possibly meet someone else great? Who is to say you will not meet someone else great? Just try think things rationally for a moment. Do you really want to return home, kinda of like with your tail between your legs, or do you want try to grow up a little more and maybe make a whole new exciting life for yourself? Link to comment
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