ahhh! Help

[ashlynn00]

Ok here goes.....My boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately, he's been wanting to spend more time with the "guys" doing guy things and hanging out, which is totally fine with me. Lately he's been blowing me off because he doesn't want to have to answer to me. We decided today the best thing would be to break-up because he wants time with his friends and he's scared to commit, being newly 21! I went through this phase, I think everyone does. I told him I knew we still loved each other, but if we had any hopes of connecting back together, maybe we should break up for awhile. I am fine with this so far beings I just graduated college so I feel this is my time to focus on getting a good job. I am wondering if there is any hope of us being back together. Today when I left his house after we broke up, he gave me this huge hug and when I pulled away, he grabbed me back, even kissing me on the cheek... I am torn because neither one of us wanted the breakup....we just know we had to do it in order for us to eventually grow back together. I just need to know the easiest way to get my mind off this so I dont screw up and contact him, he needs to contact me, hopefully he will once he realizes what hes missing....unfortuneately, I dont know how long most guys wait befor they break the NC.....ANy advice would be wonderful

[i_win]

Recently 21? Yeah just wants to be out with his guys and wants the freedom I'm sure to talk to women now that he is out in social environments. Unfortunately some guys can stay in his "phase" for several years. He might not come back. It might last for a few months or a year and then he'll be back on your doorstep because he misses you.

 

I think you did the smartest thing possible. You show a lot of maturity by doing the right thing and breaking things up and cutting him loose. Keeping him in a relationship when he is constantly reaching for more freedom will drive both of you insane and lead to a messy breakup.

 

If I were being real honest breaking up with a girl and having that instant freedom when you want it badly is a fantastic feeling. I usually would not contact the girl for a while because I was so happy to have my new found freedom.

 

I think it would be a mistake to contact him. Doing so would push him away big time. I also think it would be a mistake to stick around for this guy. He might not come back or want to come back and you have a life to live.

[barbielovesmac]

How long were you two together?

[novaseeker]

I agree with i_win.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that it is incredibly challenging to maintain a relationship through the transition from college to the "real world" in any case -- it's a time when you do need your freedom to set yourself on your path, and there are so many other transitions you are making at the same time, that these things change you over the course of a relatively short period of time.

 

I would stay away from him for a while. He may come back, but he may not. Regardless, your life is entering a new phase, and you may not need him as a part of that new phase.

[barbielovesmac]

I responded to your PM.

[mke11077]

Recently 21? Yeah just wants to be out with his guys and wants the freedom I'm sure to talk to women now that he is out in social environments. Unfortunately some guys can stay in his "phase" for several years. He might not come back. It might last for a few months or a year and then he'll be back on your doorstep because he misses you.

 

I think you did the smartest thing possible. You show a lot of maturity by doing the right thing and breaking things up and cutting him loose. Keeping him in a relationship when he is constantly reaching for more freedom will drive both of you insane and lead to a messy breakup.

 

I think you know me well enough to know that's pretty much what I would have said to you... It sucks, but people change. As much as you want him to come back someday, the truth is he may not. Just live for yourself right now, you may even realize that you're happier without him...

 

If you wanna talk, you know where to find me. I know it hurts now, but it will get better!

[riley123]

The only way to not contact him is to personally resolve that the relationships over and move on.

 

It sounds like your convinced that this will be relatively short term ‘phase’ that he just has to work through. Well, that maybe true, but I wouldn’t pin all your hopes on that fact. He might never come back and you two might not get back together. It’s tough to hear, but you have to be ready for that.

 

I think you did the right thing by breaking up. And you’re right; in the long run it will make things crystal clear.

 

Good luck.

[ashlynn00]

I think it will eat at him to not know what I am out doing and such...I really want him to realize I am the best thing for him.....but he just has to realize..... I might give it 1 m onth, and if he still hasn't tried to just say hello or anything, then I am going to start the moving on process....Right now I am too busy to get out into the dating thing, I will live single for awhile, I am content that way!