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Light at the end of the tunnel?

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I have read from many of you about this light but after being betrayed by my wife I couldn't ever imagine the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it. When this all happened I just seemed to wander in circles not knowing what would happen to me next. I could not find this tunnel because all the ups and downs I was living being caused by someone else.

One day when I had decided to take control back of my life and take it away from her and the past, the tunnel started to appear. I have yet to see the light at the end but I know now that I will make that light appear and no else.

Seeing so many on ENA making the same journey and having the same issues has made me feel that I am really not alone in this and that we are all connected to each other in some unknown way.

To all of you still wandering in circles, please know YOU will find your path and your tunnel will appear. When it does, it may seem as dark as the darkest cave but the light will start to show itself, this YOU must believe and make happen. I wish us all the best on our journeys.



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misskitty, I think it will be a different amount of time for each person. For you and I it could be next month, or two months. Only time knows. Pain distorts time and I liken it to a black hole. Time gets warped and it seems nothing can escape it's pull, not even light, but for those who follow science know...black holes DO let things escape.

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My ex wife indicated she was unhappy in the fall of 2005, asked for a divorce Feb 2006, and FINALLY moved out Mar 2007.


I'm still recovering, it takes years.


But here's what I did...


First of all, I took back my life. My old hobbies, friends, interests. I bought new clothes, redecorated my house and put my nose to the grindstone at work. When I have my sone (1/2 time) it's all about him and me, and we have a wonderful schedule and many activities we do together.


Then I started to date, it was rough for the first year, but I got out there.


Now That I am HAPPY with my life, being home alone (I love it) and feeling complete, I met someone when I wasn't even looking.


I'm taking it slowly, being cautious and putting my son first.


I saw my ex today, she was happy, I am happy, and I left with a feelng of peace.


I think the light is shining...

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Yea, I agree, the journey is completely different for everyone.


For some reason, today has been a tough day for me (probably because it’s the weekend), but last night I was feeling great and actually realized that a good amount of time went by where I wasn’t thinking about her, then BAM!


Ughhh, can’t someone just invent a forget your ex pill?

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There was a thread about that pill...


Think of it this way, if you took the pill, you would never grow, never learn. We are put through these trials and tribulations for a reason. Learn all you can from it and you will be a much more complete person...


You will never allow yourself to be hurt as you have in the past. Trust me.

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Surround yourself with friends, find things to do that require some thought and effort. The brain/heart will start to focus away from what brings you down. It won't fill all of the time for that is impossible, but it will ease it a little.


Be prepared for reminders that will derail you, but know that you will get past it and, of course, there is the ENOT forum to help guide you. Just yesterday I was on the way to a friend's house and had managed to guide my thoughts elsewhere, away from her. Then I saw a car ahead of me that had a license plate frame from the dealer where I helped her pick out her car. Something that simple sent me into a funk, but I made it to today. One day at a time.

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How long does it take? How long did it take you? It has been 3 months for me. People say "every day gets easier"...umm..unfortunately I am still finding this incredibly painful. Every day is not getting easier. I want to see that light...


kitty, When I first started making choices for ME not because of her, the circle I was walking in became bigger and bigger until one day it was more straight than curved and I could feel I was going somewhere. This feeling is hard to describe and it is something to fallback to when things get tough. When you start making choices for you and you only and not reacting to someone or something else you will feel the difference.

To start any journey takes only one step. This step is different for everyone but it must be taken no matter how painful because it allows you to walk away from the past and towards a new life, what ever that might be.



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I think I am starting to see the light and am close to getting out of the tunnel. It's been too long. I notice I still have flashes of "us thoughts", but now, I am able to snap back to reality much faster, without feeling too bad. I don't dwell on them like I used to any more.

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  • 6 years later...

LaH, I really enjoy reading your posts so wanted to see your story. After seeing your threads, I didn't know which one to bump and ask to see how you've progressed since these dark times. This one seemed to fit the bill. Could you tell us what stages your healing took? Have you been in contact with your exw? Know how her life turned out after this many years? Have you met another person?


Thank you for all your advice here!

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