TelecasterMaster Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 ...So you're mainly straight, but very occasionally find yourself masterbating over the same sex, even know you're 95% sure you'd never actually do anything with the same sex. So, being very slightly bisexual, do you share this with your partner/husband/wife or do you keep it to yourself. On the one hand, you maybe don't wanna tell them because you don't wanna scare them off or freak them out, but on the other hand, could you really keep a secret like this from a lifelong partner that you're suppose to share everything with? Discuss... Link to comment
TelecasterMaster Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 Similar thing, although maybe not strictly for this forum - you also have a rather warped sexual fantasy that crops up now and again and you pleasure yourself over this? Again, do you share and risk your partner thinking you're a headcase? Or do you keep to yourself? Do you think repressing such things and keeping such things to yourself over a long period of time will do you damage? Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Firstly, if being attracted sexually (even if only slightly) is something which freaks you or your partner out, then that's a sign that you might want to get used to the idea and accept it as normal and ok and no big deal. Familiarise yourself with the gay world until it's not so frighteningly unfamiliar, and then whatever turns you on won't be something to freak you or your SO about. It will just be another part of you and your sexuality. No biggie. Similar thing, although maybe not strictly for this forum - you also have a rather warped sexual fantasy that crops up now and again and you pleasure yourself over this? Again, do you share and risk your partner thinking you're a headcase? Or do you keep to yourself? Do you think repressing such things and keeping such things to yourself over a long period of time will do you damage? come on... tell us what it is.. this is an anonymous forum. freedom of speech.. use it . Link to comment
TelecasterMaster Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 Firstly, if being attracted sexually (even if only slightly) is something which freaks you or your partner out, then that's a sign that you might want to get used to the idea and accept it as normal and ok and no big deal. Familiarise yourself with the gay world until it's not so frighteningly unfamiliar, and then whatever turns you on won't be something to freak you or your SO about. It will just be another part of you and your sexuality. No biggie. It doesn't freak me out - I've lived with it all these years and although it's not something I'm ecstatically happy about, it doesn't really bother me, I just get on with it. But my question was, do you tell a partner who thinks you are completely straight or do you keep it to yourself? No, I won't tell. The type of fetish is not relevant - I speak about odd fetishes in general... Link to comment
Roasted Carrots Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Fantasies are just fantasies. Just because it gets you going doesn't mean you'll actually do it someday. For example, lots of men AND women have rape fantasies, especially if they associate sex with guilt or sin, or in the rape they do something they wouldn't normally. Fantasizing about being raped relieves you of all the guilt and pressure, becuase someone is forcing you to do this. Also: I don't think you need to share with your partner that you occasionally think about the other sex. I don't think this makes you homosexual, or maybe even bisexual, just curious and pleased by the human body. I don't think you need to tell unless you want to have a threesome, or you cheated on them, etc etc especially if you think they are going to freak out on you. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I'm no relationships expert, but I don't see why you'd want to keep your sexuality (i.e. what does it for you sometimes, e.g. men, and your kink whatever it is... ) a secret.... it's not that I think you should feel like you have to, but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to. I mean isn't your girlfriend the person who is very much involved in your sexuality and don't you think you'd have more fun if you shared more? I know I'd be hurt if I was in a relationship for some time and my SO felt he couldn't share stuff like that with me... it's part of who you are. Link to comment
TelecasterMaster Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 Also: I don't think you need to share with your partner that you occasionally think about the other sex. I don't think this makes you homosexual, or maybe even bisexual, just curious and pleased by the human body. I don't think you need to tell unless you want to have a threesome, or you cheated on them, etc etc especially if you think they are going to freak out on you. See, this is what I lean toward. I mean it is just something that occasionally crops up when I get aroused. I never ever walk down a street and think "oh he's nice" and I've never had any sort of lasting feeling of love or connection to another guy. It's always a girl I see myself with in the future, it's always girls I look at in the street, it's always girls I fancy, and it's always girls I've been with. But at the same time, I'm just concerned that I don't want to be lying to someone I love. Or is it sometimes just better to keep small things to yourself? Link to comment
TelecasterMaster Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 I'm no relationships expert, but I don't see why you'd want to keep your sexuality (i.e. what does it for you sometimes, e.g. men, and your kink whatever it is... ) a secret.... it's not that I think you should feel like you have to, but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to. I mean isn't your girlfriend the person who is very much involved in your sexuality and don't you think you'd have more fun if you shared more? I know I'd be hurt if I was in a relationship for some time and my SO felt he couldn't share stuff like that with me... it's part of who you are. I understand that you may be a very understanding, sharing and accepting person. I don't think everybody is though and I don't neccesarily want to risk the best thing that's ever happened to me, for something that may do more harm than good... Link to comment
novaseeker Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 The issue is that once you start closing off parts of yourself to your SO, where does it end? You have to be careful that the parts of yourself that remain "hidden" are minuscule, but the issue is that once you get used to hiding things, it can become tempting to hide more things as time goes on, for the same reason: you think it may upset your partner. What you've written about is no big deal. I don't think it's very common among straight men, but it isn't very uncommon either -- it's just that it's not often spoken about. Link to comment
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