what are we??????

[kitkat1215]

ok so i'll try to make this short

 

I met a guy. we hooked up the first night. I didn't think he would call...but he did. We went out again and hooked up again. This has happened 4 times. between hookups we have no contact. we have fun together when we are out and make each other laugh and enjoy each other's company. but we are not so affectionate in public. last time I called him for a change and invited him out. He came and and we hooked up that night. so....5 times....also...he comes into my work when he knows i am working and hangs out. We both broke up with sig. others 3 months ago...but don't really talk about it...but i think we are both on the rebound. I don't know if he is sleeping with other people (don't worry....we are using protection.) I don't know what he wants...relationship?...fwb?....what????? I am scared to talk to him cause i don't wanna ruin a good thing....but i'm scared i'm starting to catch feelings and I don't wanna do that if he is not that into me. where does it sound like things are going?

[i_win]

He just wants fwb IMO. Likes your company, likes the sex, probably doesn't see himself in a relationship with you though.

[riley123]

Sorry, but I don’t think things are going anywhere. You’ve turned yourself into a booty call. If you are scared to talk to a man you are sleeping with, then you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with him.

[ghost69]

BOIOIOIOIOING! there is your answer. only you and him can figure out where it's going. this is exactly why i say dont' do fwbs. somebody almost always catches a case of emotion and it's usually the girl. have a discussion first.

 

what is the good thing you have going? sex and that's it.

[CaptainNapalm]

Talk to him about where you guys stand. Don't make it sound like you're pushing for a relationship but simply ask what his plans are with regard to you guys and where his head is at. I'm sure he won't have a problem telling you the truth and after this you can decide if and how you want to pursue him further. At this point you can't tell what he wants so you better find out by asking. Also, he may be developing feelings for you too yet is afraid to tell you for the same reasons you are afraid to tell him. Talk=solution here.

[Bondgirl]

KitKat, YOU JUST KNOW THE ANSWER IN YOUR HEART XXX

[lanty3]

I'm going to perfectly blunt about this: He's using you because it's better than masturbating.

[kitkat1215]

but why would a guy want to just lie around in bed in the morning...like get kinda upset when I get up to get dressed? and why would he bother even taking me out or anything....i just don't understand

[lanty3]

What? You think he's going to tell you the truth?

[lady00]

So every time you've hooked up has been preceded by a date? That is not necessarily a "booty call"...when I think of booty calls, I think of just going to each other's places and hooking up then leaving. I think (most) people who just want sex don't bother going on dates...they just get right to the sex...at least in my experience

 

I've had dating situations where I've hooked up with the guy on the first date and after each date after that. And we were dating and eventually became bf/gf in those situations. I've had other cases where I'd meet the guy at his place and we'd hook up and then I'd leave. Those were definitely booty calls. Nothing wrong with either situation, IMO as long as both people are cool with it.

 

I think in the early days it's often hard to tell which kind of situation you're in, but in my experience hooking up after every date doesn't make it a booty call. It could be dating. The thing is, I've promised myself I'd take it more slowly from now on...no more hooking up after the first date...or even the first few dates. I think it's probably healthier (mentally and physically) to wait a while before getting intimate. Having done it the other way in the past, I found I often did not really know the guys I was dating very well and I should have waited and gotten to know them better so I could see if we were compatible in the long term before getting involved physically.

 

Have you thought of slowing down the physical and seeing what happens? Maybe that way you can see if there is dating potential or if that dries up once the physical aspect is gone.

[LittleMadmoiselle]

Hey lady and OP! I just got out of the same situation. I have also figured out it's probably best to WAIT before "hooking up". I was going out on dates and hooking up with a guy for a few months, meeting his family and friends, etc., and all was going well until BOOM: he just stopped calling. Have no idea what happened, either. I gave him a couple of chances to get back in touch and hang out, but he never followed through.

 

I looked to it as dating as first, but now I realize that it was probably a higher form of a booty call. Lol

[lady00]

 

I looked to it as dating as first, but now I realize that it was probably a higher form of a booty call. Lol

 

It sounds like he lost interest or met someone else but was too much of a jerk to tell you. Sometimes people get so scared of what the other person's reaction might be

 

Meeting friends and family is most definitely not part of a booty call (too much effort--anyone can get sex if that is what they are after--no need to put in all that effort). It was dating...he just turned out to lack courage in the end.

 

I've met plenty of guys who only wanted one thing (not knocking it, just not my thing anymore) and not one asked me to go out in public with them or to meet their family or friends.

[LittleMadmoiselle]

That's exactly what I found so weird about the whole thing.

 

He gave a bunch of signals that he was interested (i.e. meeting his mom, taking me out to nice dinners, showing interest in my life, etc.) and then BOOM! All gone! Too much of a * * * * * to tell me something was up, apparently.

 

I also think it maaayy have had to do with his upbringing and religion. He is orthodox Jewish and I'm not. But who knows.

[lady00]

That's exactly what I found so weird about the whole thing.

 

He gave a bunch of signals that he was interested (i.e. meeting his mom, taking me out to nice dinners, showing interest in my life, etc.) and then BOOM! All gone! Too much of a * * * * * to tell me something was up, apparently.

 

I also think it maaayy have had to do with his upbringing and religion. He is orthodox Jewish and I'm not. But who knows.

 

Yeah that's the thing I've realized about dating...sometimes people change their minds given some time to think about it and then sometimes they don't have the guts to tell you the truth. I've dated several guys who would break up in stages because they were afraid of my reaction (they'd say...let's take a break...which leads to a breakup when I press them on it). Now I know, not to take a guy seriously until I've been with him for a long time and see what he's really about. All the sweet stuff in the beginning, even meeting friends and family, that's great and it's something to be happy about but at the same time you always have to be careful and aware that they could change their mind at any point, so keep your level of attachment and contribution to the relationship proportional to theirs and take your sweet time figuring out what kind of person they are....that said, sometimes you can't tell, sometimes people go against character and totally do something out of left field...that you can never prepare for...but it's part of life. It sucks and dating is hard but it's all worth it!