MyGF just broke up with me...

[MrMango]

She left me for her ex. She called me and said she hung out with him last night and that shes still in love with him.

 

I hung up on her.

 

Now she sent me a huge long text saying shes sorry and she thinks im a good person, but she still loves him and blah blah.

 

Should I just ignore it?

 

I cannot believe this is happening.

[pumpkinmoon]

I am sorry this has happened. I think you should just ignore it yes!!!! She doesn't deserve anything from you any longer. We all know how you feel here and the best thing is to do everything you can to get yourself better and move forward. It wont happen over night but eventually you will get there xx

[annie24]

ignore the text message? sure, why not. you already have all the information you need to know - ie, she's still hung up on her ex. what else is there? i don't see anything there to respond to. go nc. good luck. sorry this happened to you. it sucks.

[Zampotne]

Definitely ignore her.

 

She should not have gotten involved with you if she was still hung up on her ex.

 

thereforeeee you don't owe her anything. She wants you to respond to her. Don't give her anything she wants.

 

She disregarded your feelings, give her the same amount of respect.

[annie24]

She disregarded your feelings, give her the same amount of respect.

 

i don't think it's disrespectful for him to ignore her text. i mean, she told him everything he needs to know, why should he have to respond? i wouldn't consider it rude or disrespectful at all.

[Aloisius]

happened to me too my friend. i'm almost on 1 month NC and it does get easier (and then harder again, and then easier again) but the one thing you can count on is that it gives you some control over a baffling situation.

 

it's hard, but you can use it as empowerment. that's how i keep to it. (and also by coming here every day to refresh my memory...

[Zampotne]

i don't think it's disrespectful for him to ignore her text. i mean, she told him everything he needs to know, why should he have to respond? i wouldn't consider it rude or disrespectful at all.

 

I agree with you.

 

I guess I didn't word that correctly. All I meant was, she treated him like edit, so he doesn't owe her anything.

 

Whatever, it's early.

[annie24]

I agree with you.

 

I guess I didn't word that correctly. All I meant was, she treated him like edit, so he doesn't owe her anything.

 

Whatever, it's early.

 

lol, i understand, just finished my coffee too!

 

yeah, i mean, i don't even see anything there to respond to. what can he say apart from, 'uh, good luck with your ex.' ?

[Zampotne]

lol, i understand, just finished my coffee too!

 

yeah, i mean, i don't even see anything there to respond to. what can he say apart from, 'uh, good luck with your ex.' ?

 

"Oh my god I'm so happy for you! I hope you two get married some day!! I hope you stay together for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!!!"

 

 

 

Um... no.

[greensleeves]

I would ignore it. At this point you're likely feeling very fragile and vulnerable and may end up saying things you'll regret. It's very tempting to try to convince someone who has just dumped you why they've made a horrible mistake or to tell them that you'll never stop loving them, but trust me that you probably will regret anything you might say to her right now. Your silence is the best thing you can say to her right now...it speaks volumes. More importantly, it's the very best thing you can do for yourself. Any type of contact with her will only keep you from moving forward.

 

I'm really sorry that you're going through this and I think that it was awful of her to do this over the phone. You deserve better.

[MrMango]

I guess I got what I deserved. She left him pretty much for me so its only fitting.

 

They were having a lot of problems and issues. She came to me claiming she wasnt happy at all, and it led to her breaking up with him and then wanting to hang out with me. After a month or so of hanging out we made things officially and we dated for about 2 1/2 months. We took things slow and gradually kept getting better and better. We slept together for the first time this past weekend which left things a little awkward (first time, assuming), but then we hung out monday and things were fine. We cuddled and held hands on her couch and all that cute stuff.

 

Then yesterday morning we texting as if everything was normal and things seemed fine. We made plans to hang out tonight. So im sitting around last night after work and wanted to text her to see whats up....and I get no answer all night which was really odd because we texted and communicated daily almost hourly for the past 2 months. So I was worried something was up, but thinking maybe she had a headache and went to bed early or something. Anyway, She texts me this morning that she wants to talk to me, and i knew right away what it meant, so I called her. After that she tells me she spend the night with her exbf, and that shes going to get back together with him. So I just hung up on her.

 

Following that I got a text of her appologizing to me for everything, and that she still loves him. Then got into the whole 'its nothing u did, and ur a great guy' crap.

 

I didnt and probably wont reply.

[greensleeves]

You musn't tell yourself that you got what you deserved. From what you've said you didn't set out to steal her from her ex and you weren't with her when they were together. Don't do that to yourself!

[riley123]

Yea, that’s a tough one, man. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through that. How long were you with her? Did you guys get together right after her and her ex broke up?

 

I think that it would be fine to text or e-mail her back saying that you’re incredibly hurt by her decision because you care for her, but wish her the best. Then cut off all contact with her and begin the process of moving on.

 

You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you too.

[MrMango]

Yea we started hanging out instantly after they broke up.

 

We hung out for about a month, and then dated for about 2 1/2. So close to 4 months. wow...feels so much longer. I guess its because we hung out at least 3 times a week, sometimes 4 or 5 times.

[Suzanne1281]

Yes. Ignore it. THE EXACT SAME THING just happened to me. I mean the exact same thing. He and his ex were miserable for a long time before I even met him. When we met, he pursued me relentlessly even though he had a girlfriend and told people he was breaking up with her for me. 4 months after they broke up, we got together and two months after that, she resurfaced.

 

If you started dating immediately after, it isn't your fault. Her feelings for her ex and breakign up with him were not resolved. That's not your fault, do not blame yourself for it.

 

Don't make the same mistake I did. I let him string me along with the "You're an amazing person, you don't deserve what I'm doing to you, I could fall in love with you, but I'm in love with my ex. I miss you." I get texts every couple of weeks from him to hang out, I do and then afterwards I feel awful b/c he still won't make up his mind and it makes me lose a little bit more self-respect. If you walk away now, like you are currently doing, you will still have your dignity. You may be hurting now and want to talk to her, but please be strong and trust me that you will see what i mean in a while about retaining your dignity.

 

Do not respond. You deserve someone who wants you and only you. If she is being straight forward and saying "I want to be with my ex and not you" then dont' respond to that text or any others checking up on you. It seems she does feel bad about hurting you because you are a good person, but its' guilt, not wanting to come back to you that is making her do that.

 

You're a good person and deserve someone who doesn't want to go back to their ex. And by the way, in most cases it seems the "2nd time around" thing with exes doesn't work out anyway.

[MrMango]

All of this makes sense and im sure its what ill follow. Just sucks so much because I was really starting to like her a lot.

 

I know it just seems like this now because its over, but this really was the happiest ive been in my entire life that I can remember. No matter how bad things got or seemed elsewhere, having her comfort and knowing I still had her by my side made everything seem like itd always be ok.

[Suzanne1281]

Mr Mango,

 

I know how you feel. I was in love for the first time with my guy and I couldn't believe it was finally happening to me. I mean, we actually both admitted we could see ourselves ending up together. Everything seemed perfect until he hit me with the ex bombshell. I racked my brain trying to make sense of how we could be in love and happy together, but he couldnt' get over her.

 

I wish I had had the same courage you did to just hang up and walk away.

 

One thing you need to know is that it really isn't you. She saw a great guy in you, but doesn't have the courage to move on from her comfort zone with her ex.

 

Don't try and decipher it. With my ex, both he and his ex have pretty low self confidence and she basically came around again when she saw him moving on with me. And in turn, he basically wants all the things that she didn't do for him during their relationship. I know I did the same thing a few years ago with my ex that I had a bad relationship with. It doesn't work out in the end, if it's any comfort to you. It sounds like your ex's self confidence isnt' the best either-it shows in the fact that she couldn't even tell you to your face about what happened.

[MrMango]

The thing that sucks is her ex begged, pleeded, and the whole nine yards for the months we dated. He threatened me through text and voicemail....he posted an xrated video of her on the internet, did everything that normally would drive someone further away....and still got her back somehow.

 

damn

 

I guess I should have assumed this had chances of happening considering she made no effort to stop him from contacting her. She didnt bother changing her number, blocking his or anything. Just kept reading his texts, replying just enough to keep them coming from him. I guess its a bit weird that things seemed to be getting better and better as he was a major problem that was almost becoming no problem at all. Then out of the dead blue it all turns.

[greensleeves]

The thing that sucks is her ex begged, pleeded, and the whole nine yards for the months we dated. He threatened me through text and voicemail....he posted an xrated video of her on the internet, did everything that normally would drive someone further away....and still got her back somehow.

 

damn

 

Her ex sounds like a complete jerk...I don't understand why she would return to someone who posted an xrated video of her on the net Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that they're both out of your life....I think you've dodged a bullet on this one.

[MrMango]

Her ex sounds like a complete jerk...I don't understand why she would return to someone who posted an xrated video of her on the net Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that they're both out of your life....I think you've dodged a bullet on this one.

 

I hope so.

 

I guess I think too much of the good over the bad. I was use to my past 2 relationships while I was getting into this one....which in the past ones I was led on, a bit used (for social scene) and never feeling like the other person cared...they never were cuddley or did cute things. Heck my past one left me hanging several weekends after having plans...

 

with this one, it was all different. I always had so much fun. When I was with her I felt happy and she made me feel wanted. Shed be cute through text and constantly made me feel good when I was down. Never made it feel one sided because shed initiate just as much as I would. She didnt have any signs of this coming other than keeping contact with him. Hell I hadnt really heard about him in 2 weeks which is huge considering he was a major problem when we first started going out. To the point where he was challenging me to meet him somewhere, he was ready to come to my house, texting the ex that he was waiting outside her house and all that.

 

I dont know. She has a good heart, but I guess hes just got her brainwashed somehow.

[greensleeves]

I have a feeling that after being back with him for a very short while, she's going to remember why she left him in the first place and the rotten things he did afterwards. She'll probably want to lean on you and you need to prepare yourself for this and set some boundaries until she makes up her mind who she wants to be with.

[MrMango]

I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to text her, but I know probably a stupid idea, and one just to keep some glimmer of hope for myself.

 

I keep trying to spin it, thinking if I dont reply she'll probably just think I wouldnt fight for her, or dont really care or something if she leaves and it doesnt effect me. I guess I think this way because a few weeks back her EX sent a text to both me and her saying how I wont reply to him and hes "fighting for her" and If I cared about her I would "settle things" with him. Obviously at the time she was showing big interest in me and I was just brushing him off my shoulder. Now they hang out, shes back with him and I dont know how to pick myself up.

[greensleeves]

I don't think you should text her. If she wants to speak to you, she knows how to reach you. I know it's very difficult...but it's really the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Let her deal with the decision she's made and any consequences that come from it. In the meantime, keep yourself busy, get out with friends, exercise, watch movies, play video games...do things you enjoy, even if you have to force it for awhile.

 

She wanted him back (and he sounds like a neandrethal), so give her that. Stay away and give her the opportunity to miss you. After awhile, you'll probably find that you wouldn't want her back even if she does end up leaving this guy again. It happens to alot of people once they take time away from someone that's let them go.

 

You'll be okay, just give yourself some time.

[Dancerdlk]

I am so sorry for what you are going through..

 

I am kind of in the same boat, but I am the ex who was left for the "you".

 

 

 

Don't text her... seriously... i hate to say this, because i hate when people say it to me, but if its meant to be, it will be.. you cannot change her... nothing you can do, no matter how decietful or spiteful or manipulative (and im not saying you are doing those things) but it won't help...

 

you have to sit back and watch and let the love of your life live their life..

 

its hard as all heck.... but i use this phrase often..

 

sometimes you just can't hold back the river...

 

i tried for months to save my relaionship.. but my efforts were pointless... he moved on and i can't do anything about it...

 

its soooo hard and it breaks your heart.. but unfortunatley, you have to let it go... for now.

 

dont contact her..

[MrMango]

Alright so don't ever initiate contact....whats the best thing for responding if she does? Keep NC at this point so fresh off the heels? Or should I try to let her explain herself? I shouldnt show any vaulnerablity right>?

 

I still have ignored her paragraph text she sent right after I hung up on her about being sorry and still having feelings for him.