new mom

[girllovesboy]

Me & my husband have a 3 month old son. It's our first child. He works long hours all week and when he comes home he is really tired a lot. So I take care of our son most of the time. He holds him and plays with him some but that's about it. For other moms, does your husband help out with the kids or do you do most of it? Do you ever get so tired and just want some alone time? If so how much time do you get and how do you get alone time? I love my son and my family but I find myself craving some alone time a lot. And I find myself getting tired and I don't know when I can rest much anymore. I know my husband works a lot and supports us so I'm not really complaining. Just curious about what others do I guess.

[enadevoli]

im not a mother yet, but i thought i would give you some advice any way. i babysit for this lady who has 2 children, one is 3 & the other is 1. her husband works a lot too & so she is left at home to watch the kids all day. some times when she needs to rest or wants alone time, she will hire a babysitter for a couple hours so that she can do whatever. is there any way you could do that?? maybe just like once or twice a week, you can hire a baby sitter for a couple hours so that you can rest or have alone time.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I'm not a mother, but My mother is one, and so is My older sister, and Let me tell you, EVERY NORMAL MOTHER craves some alone time. I mean being a mom is a huge responsibility. Your husband is paying the bills working hard and that's hard too, but nothing like being a mother, sorry, there is nothing like it. I ofter help my sister watch her two children. Her children are a bit older now one is 9 the other is 3 but they were not always so easy to deal with. I used to have to take them from her for a few hours just to let her go take a hot bath and relax or just to let her watch a movie in peace. Family is great for this. So that would be my first option for you, try to pass the baby to a few relatives who "havent seen her in some time" If you dont have family then hire a baby sitter, but I would advice you being there to supervise the baby sitter for a few nights until your comfortable leaving your own home. My sister used to stay with me to make sure I knew what I was doing, once she trusted me then she would sometimes leave and go do some duty's she needed to do. She is my oldest sister, and didnt have the energy then, " just had a baby, very tired " all the time she was sleepy. And most fathers expect the Mothers to do all the work. Its just the way it goes. However, you need to express to him that atleast once a week he needs to take over and let you go out and breath, or let you go take a hot bath, watch a movie or relax.

[avman]

And most fathers expect the Mothers to do all the work. Its just the way it goes

Well that may have been true in the past but not anymore. More and more fathers take a very active role in the childs caretaking.

 

Is your husband intimidated by caring for the baby? What I mean is - does he know how to do everything? Some of my friends were actually scared to take care of the baby because they were afraid they would mess it up. So they needed to be "trained" by their wives.

 

Luckily I had to do everything for my first child because my wife was very ill after the birth. So I learned quick and the nurses taught me lots of tips. I was comfortable right away. So I took weekend duty and got up early with my son so my wife could sleep in. Then at least she got a break. She could also go out some on the weekends, or just go read a book and take a break. Then I got some alone time with my son and we really bonded. I'm still very close to him even 9 years later and hope that will be that way forever.

 

You DO need a break. Its a lot of work. Ask your husband. It sounds like you are understanding that he works long and hard to bring home the bacon so to speak. But I'd bet he would be willing to pitch in if you asked (not nag, but ask). Train him in what he needs to do. Make a deal with him like you get to sleep in on Saturdays or you get 3 hours for yourself on Sundays and 2 hours on Wednesday night. I bet he'll understand and you two can find a way to lighten the load.

[real amour]

Hi. I am a mom of two young kids, 2 and 4. My husband is absolutely wonderful with the kids and has done tons of stuff (diapers, feedings, clean up, buys clothes). Still, the woman does more and that will always be. You must prioritize your alone time before you go batty. Trust me. Now that the baby is sleeping through the night (after 3 months usually), you must plan that into your schedule and enlist your hubby as your sitter.

 

Despite how great my husband is, his brother was also great with kids, the 0-3 month period is absolutely horrible as the baby is an 'it' really. And despite after this period, even the best of fathers will admit that kids are not really kids until 3 years old. The 0-3 year period is essentially for the mothers since after 3 they are speaking and toilet trained usually.

 

Don't expect men to change. They can be wonderful, but they did not give birth. You have a mom's intuition. You will always have 9 months on them, plus a hormonal connection if breastfeeding. Men are men and women are women. Just get through it and appreciate what he does do. Teach him to do a few things if necessary. Don't be bogged down because you will resent your kid, your man and your future children.

[avman]

I've got to stick up for the men here. We are getting very little credit and I am hearing a lot of "thats just the way men are" type of arguments. Your husband is not your sitter. He is the FATHER. He should participate in his childrens life every bit as much as you. Yes in your situation you will be spending more time with the kids than him. But there are plenty of other couples out there where the situation is reversed and the Dad stays home with the kids.

 

I completely disagree that the 0-3 year period is for the mothers and that fathers don't admit the kids are kids. I have found that this period has been tremendously enjoyable for me. I do the kids clothes shopping, I do bedtime, feeding, diaper changes, doctor visits, etc. I have been the one to stay up with them all night in emergency rooms. I help them with toilet training and learning to dress themselves. And I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Its been amazing watching their personalities come out during this time.

 

Give your man more credit - and then go give him something to do. If you don't ALLOW the father to do anything well then he isn't going to be much help.

 

Come on fathers out there! Help me out here

[Nianna]

I know you are probably waiting for a mother to reply I am sorry you haven't heard from one yet, I don't totally agree with aveman and agree abit more with sweetypie, if you have family that is willing to take your baby for a while that is great because then your family and baby have a chance to bond, and that's a good thing, however I don't think you should hire a babysitter quite yet especially one you don't know, to many risks involved. Leaving your child with family isn't as old as avman makes it sound, I am very family oriented and that is because my aunts and uncles and grandmother helped raise me, and I wouldn't be as close to them if it weren['t for that, but anyways, I do agree with sitting your husband down and talking to him about looking after the baby a few times a week more then 5 hours, I think you are entitled to at "least" 1 hour a day for a nice bath or some kind of relaxation and maby a full day out once a week so your husband can bond with the child, right?

 

Anyhow I am not a mother but I know if I was that's what I would like.

 

P.s it's a two way street

[Nianna]

Sorry did not know you got responce from a mother ignore the in my reply about not hearing from one.

But I will say this I agree 100% with real amour.

 

Until a man pushes a child out of him and has to start taking care of the baby right away they will never really know what it is like.

But I can't say to much yet cause I am not a mother but will be soon.