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Nianna

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  1. Ok for one thing you have to be more clear there girl cause I am confused, But if you like this guy but just broke up with your friend out of respect just lay off for a while then give it a try it's not like she owns him or anything.
  2. Get Something with his name engraved on it? if he smokes-smoke tin with enitials Or Zippo with his enitials make your own card.Go to a scrap booking store and buy card stock and some nice paper and make him a card. um... Calogne a key with enitials maby That would make him feel special... TRUST ME
  3. I was 16 and my bf was 21 we are still together and getting married next year so, so hopfully things work out between you two.
  4. I am 5' 155lbs. I body builded for 2 years then I became pretty skinny then I met my recent fiance, 3 1/2 years ago then I put on the wieght. when I met him I was 135 lbs very toned and muscular, and now I have put on the pounds. So please help me out. And I don't want to bodybuild again for a while. Advice is much appreciated
  5. Blonde I couldn't agree with you more, And ShyGuy get a grip dud none of this is her falt nor should you feel that way QTpie. You should feel loved and yes if your friends mom is willing to help you out go there and stay there and at the same time seek help my self I don't know the American Law because I am Canadian But I do know this much it is wrong what both your mother and step father are doing. Hang in girl I went through a lot of crap as kid and teen as well . But blonde is also right don't run away it will make things worst and you might just get sent away to another town. But remember if that is the best thing for then you should move with your grandparents I am sure your bf will understand completely.
  6. Sorry did not know you got responce from a mother ignore the in my reply about not hearing from one. But I will say this I agree 100% with real amour. Until a man pushes a child out of him and has to start taking care of the baby right away they will never really know what it is like. But I can't say to much yet cause I am not a mother but will be soon.
  7. I know you are probably waiting for a mother to reply I am sorry you haven't heard from one yet, I don't totally agree with aveman and agree abit more with sweetypie, if you have family that is willing to take your baby for a while that is great because then your family and baby have a chance to bond, and that's a good thing, however I don't think you should hire a babysitter quite yet especially one you don't know, to many risks involved. Leaving your child with family isn't as old as avman makes it sound, I am very family oriented and that is because my aunts and uncles and grandmother helped raise me, and I wouldn't be as close to them if it weren['t for that, but anyways, I do agree with sitting your husband down and talking to him about looking after the baby a few times a week more then 5 hours, I think you are entitled to at "least" 1 hour a day for a nice bath or some kind of relaxation and maby a full day out once a week so your husband can bond with the child, right? Anyhow I am not a mother but I know if I was that's what I would like. P.s it's a two way street
  8. I feel for you simply because my mother is an alcholic,it's a harsh name but it's the truth.I know it is so hard to deal with and usually when someone has this sickness they tend to feed off of your emotions and feeling almost like playing with them, one minute they love you the next they hate you it emotionally draining and can hurt you in the mean time, what you have to do is sit and think if she really wanted to kill herself wouldn't she have done it already? She has a sickness and her way of dealing with it is by blaming it on her problems and you, You see to her you are the safe person and she knows that she can do this to you because she feels you will never leave her and will be there at all times,and that you are willing to give up your life and needs to tend to her and hers. As hard as this may sound you need to show her tough love and try not to take this the wrong way, but when she goes through these episodes you need to know the difference between helping and not helping as much as you may think you are helping her by feeding into it and standing down or even arguing back with her, in the end you are just allowing her go on and giving her no reason to think about how she is hurting herself and you. Try and sit her down when she is sober and let her know that she is hurting you and herself, it won't be easy, and she might not listen to you but it deffinately will stick in her mind,alcholism is a hard disease to cure because it depends on her and only her whether she cares enough about you and her life. When she is drinking my advice to you is to walk away when she is starting to get angry and abusive, and no doubt she will curse and threten to kill herself but that's when you say "honey I love you with all my heart and don't want to see you hurt yourself, but I am going to leave you for a while to calm down because I am not going to take this abuse" And walk out go for at least a half an hour ride or walk then come back chances are she will be still there alive and safe. This is what I did when my mother put me through that. And when your Fiance starts getting angry and argumentive, just tell her "I love you and you can yell and scream at me and push me but I still love you and care for you" Don't feed into her behavior or give her answers. or reasons to argue you want to elimenate them. Well don't want to write a novel or anything but I hope you understand and can use some of my advice. It helped me so maby it will do the same for you
  9. listen to my story. I was 13 years old, visiting my mother her BF came home and got very angry because supper wasn't made, he then went grabbed a pot and smashed her over the head my mother dropped to the floor and I began to scream and cry I then attcked him and he punched me and knocked me out, woke up to him dragging her into the kitchen where he was beating her with a 2x4 she was bleeding from head to toe he smashed her fingers, threw her down stairs I went to call the police but he ripped the cord out of the wall I wanted to leave but he thretened her life if I left I didn't want her die so I sreamed over and over to stop but he wouldn't he kicked her and punched smashed a vase over her back and cut her, and he then kicked her in the head and finally left and ran out the door, I went down to see her it was awful she was busted open on her face and hands I tried to wake her up but she unconsciouse so ran out the door down the block and phoned 911 they came.The next day I went to the hospital she had 8 broken ribs broken leg busted nose and some internal bleeding and a major concusion, she was in a coma for 2 weeks. I visited her every day and prayed I felt so horible because I couldn't do anything for her at the time. The point of my story and it is true, is that You might not have experienced this, but it all started with one little slap and escalated over time. My mother did go back to him and nothing has changed, and he still hurts her and by the way the majority of the time he does it while he is drinking. Please for your sake and safety and if there are children as well don't go back to him, let him help himself first, there is to much to life then going through that. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. P.s I was in an abusive relatonship once I know it is hard to leave but If I can do it so can you.
  10. I went through the same thing he did but in a way, I was beaten on many acounts and it hurt both phisically and emotionally, You don't have to feel useless because there is a way you can help, and that is, just to listen that's all I wanted from my Bf and it made me feel alot betterYou said he has had proffecional help? I am assuming counceling,I went though it all. both my parents left me when I was born, My mother to this day is still an alchoholic and my father has nothing to do with me, I got over it, by myself counceling might work for some people but what helps the most is when someone you know you care about and cares about you it makes you feel alot better after talking to them, because you know they are listening to you, and they know who you are,where councelers at first don't even know you and never will know your innerself. I think as well, that your bf might be keeping unwanted baggage, and needs to deal with it and learn to accept it. Now the part about disciplining his children as he was well, when you do eventually sit him down and talk to him, try not to attack him because, throughout his emotional rollercoaster as a child he has gained triggers and as soon as he may feel attacked or like he is being repremanded that might set off his triggers and he will automatically put up his deffence and avoid or finalize the argument leaving you with no answers or solutions, I hope you are still following me and understand. Just sit him down and ask maby how he felt when he was being hit and did he like it? chances are probably not, so why would his child like it? remind him that there is a line between respect and fear and he needs to draw that line and know how to draw that line when the time comes. As far as getting him to listen to what you have to say and your views make him feel like he is the center of attention with nothing that can interfear. This all is easier said then done, and it can take a long time, because It is hard rehashing old memories that hurt so be willing to be patient. But maby he has let it all go and delt with it and if he has then you'll just have to except it. My personall opinion though is if my bf or husband told me he would treat his child as he was treated meaning if he was badly abused I would posponde having children with him till was certain he changed his views on raising children if not then I wouldn't have children with him or even be with him. Think about it... would you want your children being hurt al the time? and even for the rest of there lives? But it is entirely up to you, you'll figure it out. Hope I was of some help to you
  11. I can relate as well, teach your children the meaning of christ, not nessecerily the religeon but the MEANING, we as followers of God forget that God is everywhere not just in one religeon but in all othem one way or form or another, Celebrate both Christian and Jewish Holidays, and teach your children meanings and differences of both and as your children grow up they can one day decide what religeon they chose if any. I am very religeous and I believe that as long as your children know that there is a God then they will be ok. Show, teach them about your religeon and your bf's religeon, show them pictures, read them stories from both, but the main thing is some way or another teach them the word of god and Christ that should be your main worry, don't you think?
  12. Well I am happy to hear that I have given some good advice. Just never forget, It is what you make of everything, and it is up to you to decide whether can be happy or sad. Were you happy before you met him? You must have, cause you didn't know him and you had other things that made you happy, just try to continue doing what you were doing before if you know what I mean, I know 3 years is it? is a long time but remember you have a lifetime ahead of you and lot will happen in that period of time, there will be a great deal of highs and lows and you have figure out how you will deall with them when the time comes. see, hear me out for a second, if you were to let every little problem that occures bring you down all the time you would be a very miserable person, that is why you make the best of things,mind you what you are going through isn't that little, but what I am saying is that as hard as it may bee or seem, you have pick and pull out the pro's of all of this and not concentrate so much on the cons you know what I mean? And we as human do that, it's always easier to bad then good and pick out falts and ignore the good. So take a piece of paper, make two columns and write pro's on one side and con's on the other side, think about this eperience you are going through and fill it out eg. why it is good we are not together um, how this may help in the end ect. Try to concentrate more on the pro's. It is natural that you are going to miss him, want to see him, and I can almost assure you 99.9% that he feels the same way, but he is a man and you are a woman and he shows it a little differently, so don't think for a minute that he is having fun and feeling great and forgotten about you because he hasen't, his guards and walls are up and he is most likely trying toblock it out and deal with it on his own terms and that is why he might not have anything to say rite now. what you are going through is a huge mountain on your path, but in time and like I said only you can determine how long in time, your mountain will become nothing but a little pebble on the path and you will learn from it and perhaps look at it as a good learning experience cause I know I did I hope you understand what I am saying to you. Anyways be calm and collective and try to look at the bright side at least you aren't dying or alone in the middle of no where or starving or something, right? Just remember it is up to you whether you'll be happy or not.
  13. Hello Sleepers, I am new around hear but let me start by telling you I understand completely and have been there. You know maby you should just hear him out, he is obviously trying to let you know how he feels and guys alot of the time have a hard time doing that. Trust me I know it is hard VERY hard, but just hang in there, give him space. What I found worked was I just stopped calling him and trying to talk to him and waited till he came to me to talk, and he did, another important thing is to keep your composure when you do talk to him or see him again be strong and keep teeling your self that there are more fish in the sea, and show him you are working through it. And as far as this ex gf thing goes, try not to think of the worst that can happen, maby he is just talking or maby just hanging out with her, it sucks but there isn't much you can do about that, girl you don't want to push him away by getting mad at him right? So instead just be calm and cool about it and say "that is fine if you talk to her,can't control you or what you do" and leave it at that, chances are is that he probably wants to talk about what he is feeling, cause we as girls fly off the handle and start talking about how we are feeling and how the breakup is affecting us, when there is him to, and he needs to vent as well and if you don't give him that chance then he just might giveup. So next time you talk to him, just say to him "let's talk about you, what your feeling and what you feel should happen" and just listen to him don't even really talk about you just about him. Collect your thoughts before you talk with him so you are prepared. Girl I know it is hard and it HURTS like hell, But for your sake you have to be strong, and by reading your last two messages, you've just let the brake up bring you down to almost nothing, So stand up give thanks you are alive another day, go out take a breath of fresh air and do whatever makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. [/b] BE STRONG!!!
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