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Confused and suicidal

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I am a 29 year old guy. I have a good job and am well educated. But I have been living a lie for so long that it is finally come to haunt me and I cannot take it any more.


I am from India, a very conservative country. I know I have been gay and possibly even transgendered. But I have not been out and open about it. I committed the BIGGEST mistakes of my life, when due to extreme pressure from family, I married a girl. I am not attracted to her and we are both leading a miserable life although she still does not know about my gay or transgendered tendencies.


Only person who knew about me is my best friend. He is not gay at all, but slowly over time, both of us have grown to like each other and we have been intimate in bed. Trust m he is not gay but he loves me a lot. He even suggested that he is ready to spend rest of his life with me. But, I told him that because of society that would not be feasible.


After my marriage, per my insistence, he also got married recently. Now I feel really really bad to see him with someone else.


I know most of this is my fault. But I dont know what to do now. I am not able to be with this girl at the same time I cannot tell her and family about my sexuality. At the same time I am unable to live without my best friend and cannot see him with another girl. If only I had listened to him and agreed to live together as two guys. Now it si too lte and he says that we shud try to be best friends but also move on and appreciate the women in our lives. I am not able to do it.


I feel so totally lost and I feel for all the mistakes I have done, I have to pay with my life. I want to just die and run away from it all. Someone please help me and tell me how I can commit suicide.

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Suicide is never an option. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage, end it. I know your country is conservative, but you have to think about your happiness first and not worry about the opinions of your family and community. I hope things work out for you... you can pm me if you want to talk.

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Nobody is forcing you to stay in India... I know that that's where you grew up, but if it is making you so unhappy that you are considering suicide then you really need to get out. Move to the West- Europe especially is very supportive of gay and transgendered people.


At some point, you just have to look out for what's best for yourself. Stop worrying about society and your family- go somewhere where people can appreciate you for who you are! Life is too short to spend it being miserable.

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