No idea what to title this. Need advice

[john213]

Okay here goes my story.

 

The girl works at the same company i do in different departments. One evening a bunch of co-workers went out for drinks. As the night went on everybody started thining out and we both stayed and talked. She later invited me to meet one of her friends who was leaving for military training. I went to the bathroom so she could say goodbye. When I returned, she was sitting quietly and looked kind of sad. I asked her if she wanted to leave the bar and go somewhere to talk. We did and ended up spending the night talking until 6am about each other. It came out that her mother has a terminal illness and that she had broken up with a dude about 5 months earlier who eneded up having multiple grilfriends and kids she didn't know about.

 

As the weeks went by we kept talking and seeing each other and we became romantic. later she would tell me how I am so great and how I am so sweet and that I really listen to her but that she gets this feeling that it's not gonna work out. At that point I knew that I didn't just want to be friends so I just stop contacting her. She would then contact me and ask why we can't just be friends that she enjoys our talks and how well we get along. After a while we ended up being romantic again.

 

She later gets the bad news that her Mom's treatments aren't working well so she decides that she will take a little leave of absense and spend time with her family down south. Till she left, we spent a lot of time together and were very romantic I even helped her pack and sent her on her way when she left for the south.

 

A few days goes by and she renews her talk about how she just wants to be friends and that I am so wonderful so sweet, blah, blah but that she still doesn't feel it would work. She's says it's for the best for both of us.

 

Sadly I have fallen in love with her. and i know I can't really do anything. But she's a wonderful girl and i know i want to continue to be very intimate with her. She made this decision after only a few months of dating.

 

I'm sorry if my grammer is not proper i'm just writing and I would like advice ASAP.

 

Is she just all over the place emotionally about her mom?

 

I know she's mad about the last boyfriend but does she still let it bother her?

 

How should I proceed/ Especially since I want more than friendship with her?

 

i am doing no contact right now. and i haven't heard from her in about 3 days.

 

Let me know if you need more details.

 

Thanks.

[Lionel Hutz]

Let her know that you have feelings for her and its not fair to you if she wants to keep a platonic relationship.

 

The simple fact is that she is kinda ripping your off for your affection. One, she wants to talk when her friend leaves. Two, she wants to talk when mom is not okay. Let her know that you support her but need time to cool off since you got kinda wound up in lust. You may feel for her but you gotta look out for number one. She may decide you are a great dude and she does want to give it a try. If not, move on and find someone who is sure they really like you and want to share an affectionate relationship. Good Luck man.

[DN]

It always amazes me how people can be so insenstive to other people's feelings to expect someone to 'just be friends' when there has been a romantic relationship or they know that there is a romantic interest.

 

Tell her you it is in your best interests to move on without her.

[john213]

Yea i've told her how I feel about her and stuff. But her actions really contradict her words sometimes. She even called me once at 3am when her sister was in town cause the sis wanted to meet me.

 

I just wish I didn't think she's such a great person aside from her just wanting to be friends junk.

 

All in know is as much as I want to see how she's doing and how's her mom holding up I know I can't.

 

Darn!!!

[Clabs]

Hi John - I am sorry to hear about your predicament and I know just how much it hurts.

 

You have two huge obstacles to overcome here fella - the first is that of her terminally ill mother. This kind of thing can have a profound effect on someone and their emotions can be all over the place. The second is that she is not that long out of a relationship. Getting over even quite short relationships can take even a year or more. To further compound issues, he seemed to be a bit of a liar so she has that to deal with.

 

All in all I hate to say this but you are on a bit of a hiding to nothing. All you can do is step back and allow her to have some space to deal with all her crap. The trick here though is to not hang about waiting for her because she may never come around. Keep banging on her door and you will be like one of those pesky jehovas witnesses (no offense intended whatsoever) you are just up on a sunday morning and enjoying your day when there is a knock at the door and someone trying to force their stuff down your throat. All you can do is step back.

 

But don't step back and wait too long - you have a life also. Get busy - see old mates, get back on your hobbies, live your life.

 

Mark

[CaptainNapalm]

Be very carefull here pal. I was in a very similar situation as you with a woman I met a year ago who I ended up dating for three months after which she left. We started hanging out similary like you and your girl and had great conversations together and at times got romantic but she was upset from her past relationship that ended a year before we met and was going through family issues as well. I fell for her quite hard and she kept telling me what a wonderfull man I am and how we have so much in common and we would get touchy feely from time to time but she never wanted to talk about us as dating or as being in a relationship. I stuck around and fell for her harder as time went on and she abruptly abandoned me because she said she has issues with things that she needs to resolve before she can date. She then broke off all contact with me and it took me a few months to move on from that. Since then I made a promise to myself that I will never date anyone who has issues and does not want to talk about relationships or pursue me for dating. This girl was all over me and kept telling me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to her and just ended up leaving all of a sudden so if I were you I wouldn't attach myself too much. Your situation might be different but after reading it it resembled many striking similarities to what I went through in my situation so be carefull. Good luck!

[john213]

Thanks Captain.

 

Curious, have you heard from her since? How are you doing?

[NoPainNoGain]

Just because you could get to the drivers seat through the back seat doesnt mean its wrong. You can do it ,but why?

[john213]

Haven't heard from her in a few days now. I'm worried about her. Haven't broken down and given her that call but it's tough. This girl took took me by storm.

 

How frustrating it is.

[john213]

last night she texted me. She said "Happy Mother's Day to your Mom". She's hasn't even met my mom. Grrr!!

 

I did not respond. How should I proceed?

[Clabs]

Hey John

 

I have to say that is pretty darn lame if she has not even met your mother. I think she is just yanking your chain, I really do and I really do think you should ignore her.

 

Keep strong mate.

 

Mark

[john213]

Having a bad day. Having some anxiety. Wondering why she doesn't want to be with me. or rathe rjust be really good friends. Trying not to crack and call her but really hoping she calls me. Massive internal conflicts.

 

Feeling a little selfish since she did go down south to spend some time with her terminally ill mother and probably can't handle being in a relationship right now.

 

Oh how i miss her.

[Clabs]

Hi john

 

I am sorry you are having a bad day mate - they really do suck, don't they.

 

The internal conflicts are awful because your head is in a spin and you end up asking yourself all sorts of questions - arguing it out with yourself - second guessing what she is thinking and why she doesn't want to be with you.

 

It is ok to feel a bit selfish, but you are probably right if she has gone down to see her mother.

 

I still think it was really weird and flaky that she wished your mother happy mothers day when they have not even met.

 

Mate - I know it is tough and I know you miss her but try to get through these days the best you can - I promise you that it will get easier in time.

 

Take care mate.

 

Mark

[john213]

I'm a little distressed. we talked and she came to the conclusion that she will stay down south with her mom since she is deteriorating. I honestly can't blame her for that. But in my case this is very sad. I fell in love with this girl and I think she's terrific. i really don't know how to deal with this. I obviously support her decision and can't imagine what she's going thru.

 

Anyone been in this situation? I am in a bad way.

[john213]

Still in a bad way. Any suggestions? trying to not be by myself but it's hard to get my mind off it.