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I'm probably overreacting, but...


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I met this guy online on a dating site, and after a few emails we exchanged AIM screen names, and I've been talking to him on instant messager for a couple of weeks now, and last week we decided to meet up this Friday. I then found out that I have to work late Friday night and suggested we meet up Saturday instead. He said this was fine. We didn't make any actual plans yet, just kind of talked about meeting up casually.


I stay up really late at night (I don't go to bed until like 4 in the morning or even later), and he usually goes to bed around midnight or 1. But lately he's been staying up later just to talk to me online which I took as a good sign. I even pointed out to him how late it was the last time we talked because it was already 3 in the morning, and he said he had been having so much fun chatting he didn't realize how long we'd been talking. And when he signed off, he asked for my phone number so that he could call me the next day. Well, I'm just plain not comfortable with giving my phone number out over the internet, and I told him so, and explained that it had nothing to do with him at all, it's just one of my things, and that after we met on Saturday, if things went well, I would be more than willing to exchange numbers.


However, he hasn't been online at all in the past two days. I know nothing has happened to him, because I can see that he's been online at the dating site and has viewed my profile a couple of time. So now I'm worried that he might be avoiding me because I wouldn't give him my phone number. Would most guys be insulted by this? Or think that a girl was lying to you if she said she just didn't like giving out her number over the internet, just so she would have an excuse not to give you her number?


I'm just really confused, because we've been talking online every single day for the past 2 weeks, and having these really long, really great conversations, and now all of a sudden he's not around at all.

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First of all, typing and talking doesn't make him less of a stranger for dating purposes. Second, I would refuse to meet - and did refuse to meet - any guy who wouldn't give me a phone number to reach him before we met in person. Typically I strongly preferred a last name too or at least where he worked so that I could google him (I didn't tell him that I planned to do so but for safety and to make sure he was who he said he was I tried to get that information). I met about 100 men in person and avoided IMing with them before meeting - a few e-mails, one or two phone calls, then we made plans to meet (because to me IMing gave me little relevant information about whether we'd click in person and I wasn't looking for an IM buddy at the time).


Not sure if it works differently, safety-wise etc for guys but I wouldn't blame him if he was now suspicious that you are either married, or somehow not who you represent yourself to be.


And, it could be that he didn't make specific plans with you in case someone else he had contacted through the site wanted to meet him that day. Nothing personal, of course! - but you are basically a stranger to him and perhaps he felt he was an even better match with someone else and wanted to give her schedule priority.


Or, he met someone in the last few days that he clicked with and is following up with her first. Just because you IM'd with him doesn't mean he needs to meet you in person - even if the convos are great - there's not always a link between enjoying those convos and wanting to meet and for some people, they lose interest by chatting for too long before meeting because it takes a bit of the challenge out of it. Not referring to "games" just the little challenge of someone who doesn't seem 100% available right away and sharing (or oversharing) details about their lives. It's intriguing sometimes to get to know someone by slowly unwrapping the layers over time.


Also, if you shared a lot of personal stuff he might be concerned that you do that with other people you don't know - perhaps he prefers for a romantic relationship someone more reserved or discreet. Not saying you were wrong, just observing that people have preferences.


I know it can be frustrating - for me it was a better method than meeting men randomly or out at parties, etc. because I do better one on one in person than in a group or at a crowded, loud party.


Good luck.

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