Bi, But Only For The Right Girl

[miah]

I'm a 39 yo married woman who has recently found myself insanely attracted to the girl who teaches the kickboxing classes at the gym.

 

She is not the first woman I've felt this way about, however it's been some time since I've met a woman who's intrigued me the way she has.

 

So, here's the dilema:

She has always one out of her way to tell me how pretty/beautiful I am (although I don't think that of myself), and even though I've never heard her say that to anyone else, she is quite flirty and outgoing. So, while I think there must be a level of mutual attraction, I think my level goes quite a bit deeper than hers. But, I want to get to know her better....maybe grab lunch or something, but I am petrified to ask her because if she declines, I'd be mortified.

 

I know it's a risk and I've always been someone who enjoys the challenge/chase of getting what i want, but now that I'm older and not as hot as I used to be, I might just come off creepy. Coming off creepy is something I must avoid at all costs! By the way, she is also married and 26, but has made comments about being a "wild thang", etc..Any advice....

[JadedStar]

What makes you think this is ok just because she is same gender?

 

You are basically asking us our opinion of you pursuing another person with the mindset to cheat.

 

Umm, my advice is you should be more worried about the fact that you want to go out iwth someone behind your husband's back vs whether or not you will be seen by others as creepy. Creepy isn't really the word that comes to my mind. Unfaithful was the word that popped up.

[midnightrambler]

What makes you think this is ok just because she is same gender?

 

You are basically asking us our opinion of you pursuing another person with the mindset to cheat.

 

Umm, my advice is you should be more worried about the fact that you want to go out iwth someone behind your husband's back vs whether or not you will be seen by others as creepy. Creepy isn't really the word that comes to my mind. Unfaithful was the word that popped up.

 

to some men eatin' ain't cheatin'....if my wife was to stray, i would want it to be with a woman

[miah]

Ooops....I should have noted that my husband is 100% aware of how I feel about this girl. (in fact, he pegged it, before I would even admit it) Since it has not gone anywhere at this point, whether it would evolve into sex outside of our relationship hasn't come into play at this point.

Really, I would just like to grab lunch, chat, get to know her away from the gym. Not ready to jump into bed with her at this point and I'm well aware that may never happen since there are other parties involved who would have to be O.K. with that too.

My mail question her was just looking for some advice as to how to make that transition between the friendly chats we have between classes and become friends with her away from that atmosphere.

[miah]

oops...mail=main & her=here. Must drink more coffee faster!!!

[Catdancer]

OK...your attraction to her is normal. Maybe you see something in her that you see in yourself. Maybe she will end up being the best and closest friend you could ever have. Maybe you'll fall in love with each other. Who knows?? You're human. It's ok to be attracted. The possiblities of someone new in our lives are arousing. Even if it's just friendship, it is an awesome feeling to have someone new in your life. Tell her that you think she's really cool and that you should have a "girls night" out one night...margaritas are on you! Go to a club, or to dinner, have drinks and enjoy being out with her. See where it goes from there. Make it a fun evening, just the girls. There are ways to get to know another woman without scaring her off or appearing creepy. Suggest something fun. Girls night out always works for me. It gives you both a chance to get to know each other with no pressure and in a fun atmosphere! Good luck to you...Cat

[KAT MOMMY]

Just simply ask her to lunch or a drink on the weekend and let her be the one to give you the lead to follow. Being that you are a bit older than she it may be a admiration thing compared to a physical attraction deal. Usually you can't tell by body language with the same sex-it just don't work that way especially with women. If you must just simply ask casual are you in the life?? and if she is she'll know if not then she won't

 

GoodLuck

[miah]

Thanks for that advice Cat! It looks great in text, but carrying it out is what scares the begeezes outta me. There are a lot of qualities in her that I like, but there is also a definite sexual attraction as well. Although, I could be "just friends" for an indefinite period of time and if it's to be, then what ever happens, happens.

She's realllly into fitness, so I thought if we were to do something, there's a raw food restaurant in the next city over. I know she's training for a triathalon now, so I thought, maybe in a month, when that's over, invite to lunch to celebrate. By then I'll be in somewhat better shpe myself, so hopefully I'll be a lot more confidant around her. She gets me a ll toungue-twisted and fluttery

[JadedStar]

to some men eatin' ain't cheatin'....if my wife was to stray, i would want it to be with a woman

 

not all men feel this way so i would hope any woman contemplating it would make sure her husband knew and was ok with it.

[miah]

Yes...you are right, it's not O.K. in every relationship. I am extremely honest about my attraction and my husband teases me relentlessly about it. It certainly would not be worth tearing apart a family for the sake of this attraction.

If and when it comes to that point, I will have to know that he is 100& totally and completely O.K. with it or it won't happen. And the same goes for her husband as well.

[rose2summer]

Even if your husband says he's ok with it, after the act, he may hold resentment.

 

You are treading dangerous water here, might it be better not to get closer to her, to protect your marriage?

[Catdancer]

You sound like a woman who is confident in her marriage and her sexuality. I dont think that you'll make a rash decision, and I think it's fun that your husband teases you about her. My on/off BF and I are attracted to the opposite sex and we tease each other about it alot, especially when we people watch. I still think that you should invite her out for something fun, and an evening of "girls" getting together to talk about girl things, have dinner and drinks is just a great way to break the ice. You and she both bring a friend, so that it's not so awkward. JMO! Take care...Cat

[miah]

Even if your husband says he's ok with it, after the act, he may hold resentment.

 

I hear what you are saying and that has crossed my mind. Things is...we're nowhere even close to that point. Right now I just have this intense to desire to just get to know her better on a platonic level.

 

Who knows, maybe if it came down to it, I might be the one to back out for fear of what it might do to mine and my husband's relationship.

 

It's just one of those consuming feelings that I feel I need to carefully explore a bit further. How harmless is a vegan lunch...you don't get more pure & wholesome, right?

 

I just feel too insecure about who I am compared to her circle of fitness guru friends, that I can't helps but think, "why would she squeeze me into her schedule"? Even though if she did, I'm sure she'd be glad for it afterwards.

 

btw...I'm really happy to have found this board...seems there are thoughtful, mature responses here, thanks!

[i_win]

Are you certain that this woman is attracted to other women? I think these fitness guru type can attract a lot of everything - both men and women. She could very well enjoy the attention both as an ego boost and because it retains clientelle...but that doesn't mean that she is attracted to women necessarily.

 

Perhaps a bad analogy but exotic dancers will give a lap dance to men and women alike because the dancer is dancing for the money not the person. This could be a similar situation where this fitness guru is nice and compliments everyone because part of her job is to retain her clientelle and have them come back over and over again.

 

I don't want you to have you second guessing yourself...but thought I would throw it out there in case it hasn't been thought of or suggested yet. She might even be interested in lunch or a friendship, but that doesn't mean she wants to take you to bed and this could disappoint you or hurt your ego even though it has nothing to do with you at all.

[miah]

Hi I_Win~

 

Yes, I completely hear what you are saying with regards to her flirty/complimentary personality and I have used this reasoning to dismiss the likelihood that anything ever would transpire past a friendship (if even that).

 

I used to be an exotic dancer, so i know all about the "tease" factor and yes, about putting on an act because it's part of the job. I'm always very aware of how she interacts with others and comparing it to how she does with me. There are some similarities, but she has literally told me she thought i was beautiful about 5-7 times and truthfully, I have never heard her say that to anyone else while I was around.

 

I totally realize that doesn't automatically mean she wants me and I really have no idea if she's even attracted to other woman. Being a fairly good judge of character, something tells me there's at least a spark of curiosity there, but I can't just wonder forever...I need to take some kind of steps to get to know her better.

 

To just randomly after class ask her to go to lunch just doesn't seem to flow, but there's only one other option I can think of and it is pretty risky (and maybe immature).

 

She's always talking about music and it seems some of the other people in class are always talking about borrowing/making CD's. So, how would it seem if I made her a CD or tow and just said something like, "I noticed you like music a lot, so do I, so I thought I'd turn you on to some of my favorites...hope you enjoy". Too corny or a subtle way closer into her circle?

[kuiks8]

to some men eatin' ain't cheatin'....if my wife was to stray, i would want it to be with a woman

 

and if you can watch all that much better eh middy!

[Catdancer]

I think the CD idea is a good one. It's friendly and will give you something to chat about.

[miah]

Oh, cool, I think I might just do that then. Of course, I still be jittery when I give them to her, but hopefully I can look non-chalant outwardly.

 

I think the first song should be Barry White's "It's Exctasy When You Lay Down Next To Me". Sound good???

 

KIDDING!!!!

[Catdancer]

How about "let's get it on"....or better yet "feel like making love"...LMAO. That's an idea make a CD of songs that are all about having sex with her and see if she gets the hint!! LOL just joking!!

[miah]

lol...the funny thing is, most of the songs I love to have some sort of sexual undertone (or some are just overtly that way), so I'll have to tread carefully while making my selections.

 

But of course, you know I'll be sneaking a few hint-hint ones in there as well. I'm all for being subtle, so this way even if she wonders "hmmm....I wonder what this songs doing on there?", there still is an air of mystery behind the intent. This sounds fun...I need to finish working so I can start burning CD's!

[Catdancer]

LOL!! I would only give her one CD though. You dont want to overwhelm her at first and hand her like, 20. I would just do one. And then see what she thinks of it. You can chat about the bands she likes and offer to make her more if she wants. It's a good, platonic, nice way to approach her! Kudos to you..go for it! Cat

[miah]

lol...point well-taken Cat! One it is!

 

I'll be sure to post with her reaction if I don't chicken out

[Catdancer]

Dont chicken out. If anything throw the CD at her and run! LMAO That's a great way to get her attention! Just joking! definitely keep me posted!

[i_win]

I'd also recommend the following songs:

 

Divinyls - I Touch Myself

Bloodhound Gang - Ain't Nothing But Mammals

Rod Stewart - Tonight's the night

 

Help to get the point accross.

[samantha20]

just wanted to say that I once made a cd for a girl I had a crush on, and most of the lyrics of the songs had obvious undertones that I liked her. I think she was kinda freaked out cos she stopped talking to me much after that!