Am I lesbian/bi? I'm confused right now

[Confusedlove18]

I've been having really strong feelings for my manager, she is a woman and lesbian.. I am 19 and have been in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend. But for some odd reason I find my manager reaallly attrative. I don't know why, but I like her ALOT. And it's a different feeling. I'm trying not to make it obvious because I know she is in a current relationship with her partner, which is my boyfriends manager. But she is just soo.... I dont know how to explain it. She has a nice body, and a pretty smile, funny personality, and I personally just think she's hott, and im just so curious about her for some reason. She has absolutely no idea about my feelings. She was there when I first started working at this place about over 2 in a half years ago then got transfered about a couple weeks of me being there. Now she is back and has only been back for about 2 weeks, and I have been having these feelings. What is going on? Is this normal? Thank you for your time.

[lady00]

It's natural to occasionally find people other than your partner very attractive. Since this person is a woman, it could mean you are bi. How do you feel about men...do you occasionally feel the way you feel about her toward some men that you happen to come accross? How do you feel about your boyfriend?

[Confusedlove18]

I have never had these type of feelings towards men, i mean there are some that i have liked alot but this is different. How do i feel about my boyfriend? Well it's been a long ride, he is very very immature all he does is play videos games all day everyday besides when he has to go to work, but then he hops right back on them when he gets home or when he wakes up.. but i love him, but i dont know, im really confused with my feelings

[itsallgrand]

I wouldn't worry about classifying yourself right now.

 

It's normal to be attracted to other people other than your partner, and so this person happens to be a woman. It's new for you, but big whoop.

 

Perhaps it is the very fact that she is a lesbian, and a co-worker (boss?) and you have consider yourself straight with a male partner that is part of the appeal.

 

It's safe because you know it won't go anywhere, so you can get interested and indulge your crush without worrying about suspicion or it getting out of hand.

 

My initial thoughts were that this woman is genuinely interesting, you find her exotic and that adds to the interesting factor, and that together with being in an exclusive relationship = a build up of feelings that needed somewhere to go. Also, she's in a position of some authority with you.

 

You are still young. Real young, in my books, to be already in a 4 year relationship with just one guy.

 

Not saying that is wrong or strange, only pointing it out because I personally think it may be a factor in why she is appealing to you.

 

The world is your oyster and you haven't had a lot of time yet to explore it, and you've been with one person instead of out seeing all that the dating pool has to offer.

 

No need to do anything if you are happy with your bf. Just let it phase out on its own.

[lady00]

I have never had these type of feelings towards men, i mean there are some that i have liked alot but this is different. How do i feel about my boyfriend? Well it's been a long ride, he is very very immature all he does is play videos games all day everyday besides when he has to go to work, but then he hops right back on them when he gets home or when he wakes up.. but i love him, but i dont know, im really confused with my feelings

 

I'm no expert but I would guess you are a lesbian. You've never had these feelings towards men and it sounds like you love your bf, but more like a friend...it sounds like you are not that into him based on how you describe his personality. I think this all suggests you are into women, not men. But only you know best. I think you'll figure it out in due time. For the moment, I'd suggest you dump your bf...you don't sound that happy to be with him...it sounds like at the very least you're not compatible with him. You haven't mentioned any qualities you actually like about him. I think that is a huge red flag.

[greensleeves]

I don't think it means you're a lesbian...this is the first time you've had any type of feelings for a woman. You wouldn't be the first straight girl around to develop a "crush" on another female. Do you have any sexual fantasies about her? It could be the fact that she's in a position of authority that makes her interesting to you...maybe she's someone you want to emulate?

 

Right now I wouldn't say you're anything other than bi-curious...give it some time and you'll figure things out. Maybe go to a lesbian bar or something and see if you feel any attraction to anyone there.

[Lucy__lou]

I don't see why you need to feel confused. Personally, I've come to the conclusion that I'm bisexual. I could elaborate and explain the particularities, but I won't bore you. But the point I'm making, is that I didn't torture myself with doubt before I came to this conclusion. I simply wondered. And when over time, multiple boy crushes and multiple woman crushes kept coming, I simply couldn't deny I had attraction towards both. Different kinds of attraction, and constantly changing, but still felt something for both boys and girls. Not all boys and girls, just the ones that had something special which made an impression on me.

 

When I used to consider myself straight, but was open to the possibility of changing, I was happy when I finally met a woman that did it for me. It's an expansion of your horizons. I feel like saying congratulations to you, because being attracted to a woman for the first time when you're otherwise straight, is like a gift from the universe. Half of the human population have the potential to have a powerful effect on you. It's great.

 

As for your crush being on a woman that is an out lesbian, that's pretty typical too. I think out lesbian women often have an air about them which can make unsuspecting girls like you turn. I've noticed since I've been out that 'straight' girls have seemed to be affected by me. I was in a similar situation to you when I considered myself to be straight. She was this super cool lesbian woman, she had a girlfriend, and she was my manager. Her coolness took me by surprise and I became all shy with her, it was embarrassing. Ahh memories.

[sourpeach]

it all comes down to what you like sexually. i know i am strait because the thought of licking box makes me sick, and i would only want mine licked by a guy.

[lady00]

I don't think it means you're a lesbian...this is the first time you've had any type of feelings for a woman. You wouldn't be the first straight girl around to develop a "crush" on another female. Do you have any sexual fantasies about her? It could be the fact that she's in a position of authority that makes her interesting to you...maybe she's someone you want to emulate?

 

Right now I wouldn't say you're anything other than bi-curious...give it some time and you'll figure things out. Maybe go to a lesbian bar or something and see if you feel any attraction to anyone there.

 

She said she's never felt this way about a man though. Doesn't sound like she's into men at all.

[greensleeves]

She said she's never felt this way about a man though. Doesn't sound like she's into men at all.

 

I get what you're saying, but at only 19 and having spent the past four years in a relationship, I don't know if she's had enough life experience to be sure. I think it's something she should explore.

[Confusedlove18]

Ya, actually I have had these type of feelings for one other person, and it was a guy, but he was married... long story but obviously nothing worked out with that.

 

Also with my current relationship... I went to a friends party last night and all of these guys were like wow you're so gorgeous, and telling me how beautiful I am, and I felt so happy because my boyfriend hasn't said those words to me in like.. I dont even know when the last time was.

 

I feel like im not being treated right, and my manager is just so perfect and funny and just makes me all around feel good, because these past couple months have been really stressful... pretty much hell. It's like i just can't wait to see her again... even though she doesn't have the slightest clue... I just like seeing and talking to her. She has by far the best personality that I have ever met in someone.

 

Ok one more thing... last night when all of my girl friends and I get drunk we always kiss, and It's like I don't have feelings for them at all like that. So it's kind of weird to me that I have feelings for my manager.