Why does the dumper break NC?

[Suzanne1281]

I haven't heard from the ex in 2 weeks after he told me we would "talk soon" about our issues (him not knowing if he will do anything with his ex when she moves here this summer). I have been doing what I can to move on (even casually dating a new guy! unknown to my ex). All of a sudden today I get a text from my ex "Did you get that new job? Congrats! Why didn't you tell me!"

 

Ok...what the hell is that all about? I texted him back about it and then I don't hear from him again. Is this common when it comes to dumpers? Is this what they call "dumper's remorse" (when the dumper feels guilty, has feelings of missing the one they dumped, is just 'checking in.') Can someone explain this to me? Ughhhhh.

[jul-els]

Sounds like he is just trying to be friendly. Whether you're comfortable with that or not is totally in your court. You can accept it or not according to whatever makes you feel best.

[i_win]

He is enjoying his new found freedom and is texting you to maintain contact. Maybe he is lonely, maybe he really is excited for you and wants you in his life in some degree. Maybe just wants to keep dialogue with you. Pretty selfish of him though cause the communication seems to be on their terms.

[maxo]

Curiosity.

 

And they do get hurt when you move on- even if they did it.

My ex-wife was pissed as hell for about three months when I met a new girl.

And...

* She had instigated the divorce.

* She had been remarried for 15 months!

* It had been almost three years!!!

 

If your ex was a jerk- move on. If he was a good guy but you were not meant for each other and he told you nicely without cheating on you... well you might have a friendship. But there are soooo many potential friendships out there, usually it is not worth overcoming the debris of a broken relationship.

[ifloatabove]

I think the dumper sometimes feels guilty and wants to make sure you're ok. Or he took the last two weeks to distance himself from you and take time for himself and he's ready to try to be friends and maintain something with you because at one point, you were a big part of his life and maybe he misses talking to you. Maybe he's ready to be friends, his text sounded really friendly, but if you aren't, don't pressure yourself to text back anything or do anything in general!

 

Oh and congratulations on dating a new guy! I hope he gets your mind off things and you never know what may happen : )

[Artop]

Good question. This happened to me recently. Twice. The first time I responded to his call and after a few exchange of e-mails, he disappeared. Three weeks later, another couple of e-mails. This time I am not falling for it.

 

I think they are just checking in to make sure you are still around. Just in case. Making sure you are still there in the periphery waiting for them in case they change their mind. Of couse, they won't.

As soon as you respond, they are satisified and ignore you again.

[jammer180]

Artop, do you think that if they are just checking in to make sure you are still around, and you don't respond, that they will get worried and try harder? I mean if they are taking the time to seem like they care to make sure, or see, if you are still around for them, then do you think they'd just say oh well, if you don't respond, or will it make them try harder to contact you again? Thoughts? I'm in LC with my ex, and it's driving me bonkers, and I can see that it does the same to everyone that is in the same type of contact. They talk to you a bit then if you respond they either just don't respond or respond for a day or two and then disappear again for a bit... it seems to be a common thing so I'm totally confused about why they do it. They check in, see that you are still there, chat you up a bit act like they care, then poof 'ok they are still there waiting im going to go see what else is out there and then come back and make sure they are still there in a few weeks if i don't find anything better'... do u think that's what is going through their minds? It seems so horrible, and it sucks that we all can't help but fall for it..

[Artop]

I could not figure this out. I think it's an ego/control thing. They feel good when they know they have a lady/man in waiting. I am ignoring 2 emails from the ex this time. We will see if he tries harder. Remember if they want to be with you, they will try harder than just talking.

 

Their actions are not logical. If they were, they would still be with you, right?