Lusty thoughts driving me MAD!

[MollyElise]

Hi all! I am in a great live-in relationship with my boyfriend, RJ. I care for RJ alot, we get along great, we have great communication, everything I ever wanted out of relationship. We have been together about a year.

 

Before I met RJ I had a HUGE crush on a guy at work, B. B never showed me much interest, I started dating RJ and B floated to the background. Until about a month or two ago. B has begun to show interest and I still find him very physically attractive. He is flirting with me on an almost daily basis!

 

A few weeks ago I posted about this and it was really eating me up. So I talked to RJ about it, which was not easy for either of us, but I felt like it was the best way to quell the thoughts I had been having. Also I was being testy and removed from hiding all this. RJ took it well, even though he didn't like it, I think he wishes I wouldn't have told him. I was also afraid that keeping it hidden would lead to more lies. Talking to RJ honestly about this was a great relief and I was able to put B out of my thoughts and enjoy RJ again, for a while.

 

OK well I still cant stop thinking about B. I dont know what to do! I want to be with RJ! But I cant stop lusting after B. I have never talked to B about any of this, and don't want to, because I feel like that will be emotionally cheating on RJ and Im afraid if we begin to talk about our feelings we may find ourselves in a questionable predicament.

 

I just don't know what to do. I dont want to break up with RJ, and if I did, WHY? I dont even know that I want to be in a relationship with B. And I am very happy with RJ! But I keep finding myself daydreaming about kissing B, touching B, holding B... arrgghh there I go again!!!

 

Please anybody that has any idea of what in the world to do!!!

[lil_mamarains13]

Well I apologize for not having any advice on what to do, but I did want to remark to you that you did the right thing by being honest with RJ. Like I always say The Truth may hurt but Lies hurt a lot worse.

[Derek]

I think the answer is time. Crushes / lusts will pass.

But just like any temptation (cheesecake, donuts, cookies), don't expose yourself it over and over.

 

Don't interact with B anymore unless you have to.

It's just a craving like wanting chocolate cookies. (pun intended )

 

 

 

P.S. Sometimes I wonder there is a point where some honesty is too much. This is such a case. But the other question is what might be added to the original relationship for spice? 1 year itch? 3 year itch? 7 year itch?

[Beec]

Well I apologize for not having any advice on what to do, but I did want to remark to you that you did the right thing by being honest with RJ. Like I always say The Truth may hurt but Lies hurt a lot worse.

 

Disagree entirely. Most of us will find other people beside our mates attractive. Most of us will fantasize about them. But think about how you would feel if your mate/spouse/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever checks out another while you are with them. Someone passes by when you are together and they immediately go to check out their rear. You are going to feel jealous and a little insecure with your relationship.

 

Fantasies are acceptable. Acting on them is not. Telling your guy about your hots for another is not normally acceptable, in particular if you do not want to hear about your guy's fantasy involving anohter woman. Stifle the conversation.

 

Need some relief for the fire: go home and service yourself; or jump your guy while fantasizing it is the other man, just don't tell him that you are fantisizing. If that doesn't work, do your guy a favor and dump him, you are not ready for the relationship.

[djbillblob]

i agree there can be too much truth.

 

I'm sure RJ probably sees loads of girls in the street that he fantasise about getting it on with. trust me, i'm a guy. It gets worst in the summer...

 

if he told you about every time he sees a hot looking girl the conversation will never end.

 

as long as you dont act on it it's OK.