Reconciling without love?

[PushingDaisies]

Has anyone ever broken up with someone who said they didnt love you back (or felt you no longer loved your partner so split up) and then got back together again?

 

My ex told me he didnt feel the same about me anymore and I want to know if there is hope. He said he still cared about me ... but that he didnt think he loved me. Sad times

[donescobar2000]

Has anyone ever broken up with someone who said they didnt love you back (or felt you no longer loved your partner so split up) and then got back together again?

 

My ex told me he didnt feel the same about me anymore and I want to know if there is hope. He said he still cared about me ... but that he didnt think he loved me. Sad times

 

The woman I want back said the same thing...which could be part of the reason she will not take me back yet as her boyfriend amongst various other possible reasons.

[PushingDaisies]

Yeah, if he hadnt said it I could hope, but I cant help feeling if he has stopped loving me then maybe I should just give up cos nothing can ever happen. I keep thinking Im being positive then getting dragged down again.

So I just wondered if it could happen.

Have you posted your story on another thread?

[Jinky]

I know this sounds hard, but relax, chill out and be yourself.

 

He loved you, whatever has happened, maybe you or he has changed. You need to give them some space.

 

Always be you, its all you can ever be. No chasing, no games, no nonsense- just you.

[donescobar2000]

Yeah, if he hadnt said it I could hope, but I cant help feeling if he has stopped loving me then maybe I should just give up cos nothing can ever happen. I keep thinking Im being positive then getting dragged down again.

So I just wondered if it could happen.

Have you posted your story on another thread?

 

 

Yes I put it so everyone will see in the "This Bites" thread and I PMed it to you.

[PushingDaisies]

Thanks I replied

[lou31]

things can be said in the heat of the moment when emotions are all over the place. sometimes people speak the truth in these situations sometimes they dont.

 

i know i have said things before, like i was 100% sure i wanted out of my relationship ... then i regretted it big time. my ex told me he wasnt in love with me anymore when i tried to get him back. turns out he hasnt stopped thinking of me in five months apart or so he says. bit of pride, hurt and fear mixed in with a rebound relationship he jumped into stopped him coming back. he says he never stopped loving me. after i left him alone completely when he said he was no longer in love with me he came back time and again and it was clear fom what he said and did that he had said things he too did not mean, mainly that he was no longer in love with me.

 

my point is, words are easily said and sometimes they are not the whole truth. sometimes they are. actions show the truth better than words.

 

for now, give youself some time and space on your own and take a step back fom this. you are too close to it all to be thinking straight and over analysing everything i imagine. i know its hard not to. ty not to dwell on words. like i said i have said things i know my ex dwelled on and i did not mean them at all (i was stressed out of my head with other things and just wanted to be on my own at that point but thats another story).

 

if he is going to miss you then the only way that will happen is if if you disappear.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You can't live your life with the hope that he will change his mind. You just have to assume it is over for good and just move on. Sometimes people don't feel the same way because the relationship has gotten boring and they are looking for greener pastures. Then over time they realize what they had with the previous partner was far superior and the loving feelings come back. It doesn't happen all the time but sometimes it does. You never know what the future holds. However, you can't live your life hoping that he might eventually see things differently. Accept that it is over and push him out of your mind as best you can.

[lou31]

i should have added ...

 

i agree fully with CAD. try and pick yourself up and get on with your life as best you can. you cant control what he does. maybe he will some back, maybe he wont. but its out of your hands and he will do it if that if what he really wants. dwelling on this will cause you more pain and delay your healing process by living in false hope. life has a funny way of throwing you bad things when you feel you cannot take it yet good things often come when you least expect.

 

get on with your life and keep busy. you cant change this situation. but you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to make yourself happy by not letting life pass you by.

[EyesOnThePrize]

You can't live your life with the hope that he will change his mind. You just have to assume it is over for good and just move on. Sometimes people don't feel the same way because the relationship has gotten boring and they are looking for greener pastures. Then over time they realize what they had with the previous partner was far superior and the loving feelings come back. It doesn't happen all the time but sometimes it does. You never know what the future holds. However, you can't live your life hoping that he might eventually see things differently. Accept that it is over and push him out of your mind as best you can.

 

I'll echo something CAD says here, mostly because of the "greener pastures" metaphor that was used. One of my clients was separated from his wife for 5 years. She left to "find herself." I asked him why she came back and he said "She thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, and she found out that it was still desert." Now, obviously she didn't stay still during her five years, and he didn't either. I'll assume that he never found a serious enough relationship that he was not willing to give her another shot, however he did say that the ultimate reason he took her back was her saying "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." If your ex cares for you, I believe he can be in love with you again. Love is a choice. And romantic love never lasts forever, despite what TV and movies may say. It grows into a different type of love over time. I'm not saying that romance isn't a part of many successful relationships, just that romantic love is chemically charged and the body just stops producing those chemicals after a while.

 

So, my thought is to not put your life on hold for him, go out and be a strong, self-reliant person, and let him sort out his life. He may see what he's missing in a week or a month or a year or five years. Or he may find something that suits him better. And, I believe what suits him better may seem inferior to you. That may be because that's all he thinks he deserves. I look at my ex for this. The guy she's with now is not as smart as me, does not make as much money as me, does not have the character I have, and isn't particularly a looker (not that I'm an Adonis) and may have a drinking problem. I don't think he'd ever be able to provide her with a lot of the things she wants. So, why him? Well, a couple of reasons. One, our communications was breaking down, and he was there for her. That's a biggie. Two, she grew up poor and has zero self-esteem, and invalidates all her successes. So, to be with someone who won't provide her with as nice a life style and who will treat her poorly. That's what makes sense to her. Some people just like to sabotage themselves.

 

That's just my opinion, and that and $29.00 pays a late fee on many credit cards.

[Landon]

When me in my girlfriend split 2 weeks ago, she told me she fell out of love with me.. that had to be a dagger through my heart.. she said that because she heard a false rumor about me.. anyways were back together now.. but there is hope, god works miracles and trust me he will always be on your side. good luck to you sweetie

[PushingDaisies]

Thank-you everyones advice was great, it has really helped me to get things into perspective. My exams are in a month and I have been having trouble concentrating etc, hopefully now I can try to sort past my emotions x

[Clabs]

Hey PushingDasies

 

I'd just like to chuck in my support too. You have received some very good advice on here and I am glad it has helped to get things into perspective. As CAD says - nobody know what is on the cards for us - all we can do is live our lives to the best of our ability - to keep walking forward and looking forward to whatever life throws our way.

 

Try to get your head down and get yourself really engrossed in some serious revision - exams are only a month away and that month will soon fly by!

 

Take care - oh and good luck with the exams - will keep everything crossed for you!

 

Mark

[PushingDaisies]

Thanks Mark Im determined not to make the same mistake my ex did, he dropped out of uni when his ex cheated on him; now he works in a bar. Im not going to let that happen to me.

 

Its great having the support of everyone on here, really cheers me up!

[needhimso]

after i left him alone completely when he said he was no longer in love with me he came back time and again

 

I know I'm in this stage now. I was told "I'm not in love with you right now but I do love you very much." After leaving him alone for a while he started coming back. It went from him checking up on me every week or two to now contacting me every day and practically sharing every detail of his life with me. It seems like he talks to me more now than in the weeks leading up to him breaking up with me. It was hell to hear him say he wasn't in love with me, but honestly it feels like there must be something there if he keeps coming around.

 

I think there's always hope because people do say things they don't mean or they don't really know how they feel. I know I've said some things during our breakup that I probably shouldn't have. One thing I told him made him think I had "written off our relationship" (I found it funny that he used the word relationship and we had been broken up for a month and a half at that point). I guess the bottom line is that nothing is set in stone. If they care for you, it's possible they can love you again...or never really stopped.

[Clabs]

Hey PushingDaisies - that is the spirit hun!

 

This place is pretty amazing - when you lose your way a bit and are meandering about there always lots of people on here to set you straight again. Half the time, you know what you need to do - you just need prodding in the right direction.

 

Keep your focus on your exams for now - and good for you for sticking with it! You wouldn't get far just dropping out and working in a bar - and I can see you are too smart for this anyway

 

Mark

[PushingDaisies]

Hehe thanks Mark, yeah the people on here are great, whenever I feel overwhelmed I just log on, cheers me right up I smiled more this evening than I have for a while. It amazed me how many people are prepared to sit down and offer help. I feel indebted x

[Clabs]

Hey hun - it is great when you begin to smile again, isn't it?! In the good old words of Talk Talk - Life's What You Make It!

 

Mark

[Andy_2007]

Unfortunately, this is one of the things that still keeps me thinking about her and wondering if she'll contact me again, even nearly 10 months later...

 

...she never said she stopped loving me. Not once. Even though she went off with another guy, has said she's found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with (or said that 5 months ago...god knows what she thinks now) she never plain out said I don't love you anymore, despite plenty of opportunity.

 

I think if she had I would have let go far more than I have so far, and wouldn't still be half expecting a text or email.

[Nearwater]

I am deep in the middle of that same thing at the moment. My GF says for the past year she has been falling out of love with me, but all the while playing her part as the good Gf and not sharing her feelings.

I will follow your post and see if there is hope for any of us not to be another casualty

 

my post is under breaking up, my name kanelio

[PushingDaisies]

Thanks Ill check it out