I thought I was prepared

[Lornadoom]

I thought I was prepared for my Father's death. The doctors told him he had a few weeks left. We had him at home for 6 months. (shows how much doctors know) We all had accepted the fact that his time was close and we made all the plans out before hand so we didnt have to deal with it when he did go. I had been with him and my Mom for 3 nights and I got sick so I went home. As i was leaving my Dad said he will see me tomorrow. That's the last time I saw him alive. the next day I talked to my Mom early in the afternoon and she said that they had finally gotten him to sleep since he hadnt done that in days but she didnt think he would make it thru the weekend. 4 hours later she called again and said that he was gone. I dragged myself to their house, still sick. My family was a mess but I kept my cool.. I just wanted to be there for everyone else. So.. from Thursday til Monday I kept my composeur and tried to be a rock for my family. When calling hours came around, I couldnt bring myself to go to his casket. That was my Dad in there. It was unreal. My family took the time to kiss his cheek and sit there and stare at him. I just couldnt do it. I was literally freaked out. I went home that night and I cried. The next day at the funeral they left some time fo the family to say goodbye to him and I still couldnt touch him. I told my Dad I was sorry I was such a wuss and in a final attempt all I could do was poke him.. just to make sure it was really real. It was. My Dad was really dead. We went to the cemetery and had the last moments and I just couldnt keep it together. I havent been right since.. I miss my Daddy so much. I didnt get out of bed today. I layed in my bed and just cried because I miss him so much. I thought I was prepared for all this. Boy was I wrong.

[Mythical_Suicide]

First of all BIG HUGS To you!!

 

I don't think anyone is ever prepared for the loss of a loved one.

 

I lost my mother suddenly in August of 07 so I know how you feel. It will seem unreal for days, months and there will be days that you can do nothing but cry but it does get easier to accept. Think about the good times, the happy times the things he did to make you laugh. Right now it may seem like the things that once made you laugh will make you cry but I promise you one of these days you will wake up and you will get the most random memory of your father in your head and you will just smile! I never thought i'd be able to smile again after my mom passed but maybe 2 1/2 months after her passing one morning I woke up and when I got out of bed for some reason I thought of something she had told me only a few days before she passed and even though it wasn't extremely funny at the time she told me when I thought of it , it made me laugh! and ever since then I still have my bad days and weak moments and still get teary eyed but i'm now able to talk about her and laugh about her life instead of mourning her death.

 

Right now talking to people may just make things harder, take your time for yourself take all the time you need people will understand but once you're able talk to people it really does help.

 

Once again, big hugs to you!

[Lostkitton]

**Gives you a big hug, tissue box, and a shoulder to cry on.**

 

It's always hard to see your parents pass. I know it was for me. My mother passed in 2002 and then my father in 2006, and I am 31 yrs old. Not that that matters, but you always think your parents will live forever. I was just happy to know my father finally reunited with the love of his life when he passed. He missed her so much and I feel that is why he didn't fight his battle to live cause his will was gone when she died. I actually knew my mother wouldn't live forever. She had always been ill and I had been preparing my whole life to deal with her death. No matter how well prepared you think you are, you aren't 'til it happens. I always tried to be the strong one in the family, but it was also cause I didn't want anyone to see how hurt I was. I am glad you had your cry. Just let it all out. Your father understands that you couldn't kiss him or anything as you said your goodbyes. You probably don't want to remember him that way. Your good memories of him are your most precious gift given to you. Keep them in your mind and close to your heart. No one can take them away from you.

[3boys]

Unfortunately, you can never prepare for it. My mom fought cancer for almost 5 years and I was totally unprepared for her death. I had a feeling it was coming soon so the last night I saw her, I called my brother and told him he needed to come home (he was 1000 miles away). He was going to put it off until his wife came into town a few weeks later so they could come together, but I told him I didn't think he should wait. Fortunately, all 3 of us made it to her bedside before she passed.

 

A similar situation to yours happened when my father passed almost 7 weeks later. I went to see him on Saturday and he said he was tired and would see me tomorrow. Well, tomorrow came and I got a call from the senior housing complex they lived in and they told me he was gone. I feel so guilty because I left him the day before...I can't shake the feeling that I should've known he wasn't doing well and should have taken him to the hospital.

 

For both of them, I was the "strong" one. My brothers were basket cases so I had to take care of everything. When I would ask them, they would tell me "Whatever you think" so I ended up making all of the decisions and am STILL not sure everything was "right."

 

Mom passed in September and Dad in November and there are still days when I want to stay in bed and cry. It's perfectly normal, especially since you were the "rock." I couldn't really "cry" for a few weeks afterward...