painful memory

[forever_scarred]

during the last month of my moms life she didn't want to be alone (and dont blame her, if i was battling cancer and knew i was terminally ill, i wouldnt want to be alone either) - so we (my family) took shifts at nite, but that day - that Saturday nite was different she had struggled to breath all day. I went to work and bout 2pm i sat down in the front of the barn just cuz i had a really bad feeling, i dont know how long i sat there -- later that afternoon we were giving my mom morphine to slow her breathing cuz it was way too fast - my grandpa was on the phone w/ a vna nurse who was on her way to our house. when my sis ran in and said her breathing is slowing down - my grandpa went in - she died "holding" her dads hand. But she really couldnt hold it cuz she was basically a vegetable. i didn't know she was gone til he shut her door we hadn't done before - cuz we didn't leave her alone. i just erupted w/ emotion - i didnt stop that nite or the next day - then i pushed everything away -- till now. i held everything in for the first 6 months after her death now all the pain, agony, and anger are coming out in full force and i cant stop the feelings or the things that are happening.

[chasey]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Loosing a parent, any family member or friend is one of the hardest things ever. And it can be even harder with a long illness like cancer.

 

Let the emotions out and take time to grieve. I know it doesn't feel like it know but it will get better. Those emotions will always be there but the good memories will become stronger and stronger.

 

Lots of HUGS to you!! Hang in there, message me if you want to talk more.

[Dagless]

Don't try and stop your feeling or try and control them. What you are feeling is completely natural. Don't think you have to be strong or "OK", you feel how you feel. I'd look up the stages of grief so that you can have a little bit more understanding of what you are going through.

 

My thoughts are with you