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About forever_scarred

  • Birthday 08/18/1988

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  1. I haven't been here in a long time.. I dunno what made me come back tonight.. maybe its just the pain ive been feeling emotionally I don't know... maybe I came cuz I know probably no one will remember me after all this time.. maybe that's a good thing.. with all the stress lately.. I feel myself shutting down and trying to close everyone out.. even my boyfriend when really deep down all I want is to be held and loved.. but for me to open up to him or anyone else is next to impossible..
  2. had another nightmare and at the end of the dream was a guy hanging rite in front of me then a guy w/o any eyes just black holes came up laughing and the dead man was replaced by mom. the "dark man" kept saying "u killed her, u hung her." all he kept saying was u killed her and kept laughing. Then they were gone and i saw blood - lots of blood - a trail of it leading towards a dark tunnel - as i headed towards it i saw mom running - the blood coming from her - i turned and saw something coming towards her. She couldn't escape and i couldn't do anything. i stood in front of her but it went rite thru me and enclosed moms body - when it vanished she was dead on the pavement laying in a pool of blood.
  3. nothing wonderful happens anymore -- im on 7 forums - music - just started singing again
  4. my moms death a year ago "june 23" from ovarian cancer - i watched her 8.5 long agonizing years of hell
  5. i just cant cope anymore, im sorry ](*,)
  6. Even tho i have been talked out of committing suicide more times than i can count but i still think about it -- i'll be fine and go to the store and walk by something a have the worst thoughts, like i walk into the cooking isle and see the knives and think what i could do w/ one. Even tho I haven't OD in a while i still think bout it -- Worst of all i still think about my plan, where and when and how.... Sometimes Id like to hide away somewhere and lock the door -- sometimes all i wanna do is take a mixed OD, take my knives - get in the car and leave this hell hole called earth. I just wanna take my life now before i change my mind. I WANT TO DIE!!!! I KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN ON JUNE 23 - I DONT WANNA DEAL WITH IT - I WANNA TAKE MY LIFE SO FREAKING BADLY!!!!!!
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