shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I want to make it up to him but I don't know if he will let me, or even if I should want to . Well he took me out to eat and I told him I really didn't feel like Hooters but I did feel like hot wings. So we went to the beach and just so happens there was a Hooters there. I didn't notice it was a Hooters until we were already in there so I just decided to stay. I suddenly got really mad and insecure I started to show these feeling and he asked me "whats wrong are you okay" I kept saying nothing was wrong until finally the waitress came over and when she left I said " I really don't want to be here!" He then was upset at the way I said it to him, He then said "If you didn't want to be here you could have said something and we could have left" I told him that I thought I already told him I didn't want to come to HOOTERS. He said that he thought it was okay because he explained that he isn't looking at the girls he just loves the wings and I don't have anything to worry about. Then we just argued and fought. He told me he feels like he doesn't want to take me out anymore...then later I explained that I shouldn't have acted the way I did I just felt insecure and then after I explained that ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE SAYS EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND HE UNDERSTANDS! I have a weird feeling everthing isn't okay. How can he be so mad and then just get over it so fast. He says he understands that I panicked and he didn't mean what he said about not wanting to take me out anymore, and that he was just mad. I don't know what to do or think at this point. Link to comment
Enigmatika Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 .......nothing to think about. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 He couldn't have gotten over it that fast we were yelling and arguing, I said how could you not ever want to take me out again you might as well break up with me blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden he understands... do you think he is going to break up with me or move out... I feel so bad I am paranoid that he will leave out of nowhere because he is being so nice all of the sudden! Link to comment
Enigmatika Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Did you make a total As* of yourself in public?? Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Nah we didn't argue until we got in the car. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 You think he is holding his resentment inside. I asked him and he said not but I honestly don't think he would tell me....I'm not sure though. I could be wrong Link to comment
Canadian1975 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I understand how you feel about not being listened too. First - try and relax. If he is being nice, it maybe that he feels bad and is trying to comfort you. I know I would be! Second, if you did tell him about not going to HOOTERS, then maybe you should have said something before going in. Overall, I hope everything works out. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Why didn't you want to go to Hooter's anyway? Are you dealing with some self esteem issues or something like that? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Right now your being insecure over the fact he got over your argument. Stop it. I know better than most what insecurity does to a relationship. It ruins it. Theres only so much one guy can take of his girlfriend being insecure and not trusting what he says. Imagine if your boyfriend didnt trust you even though you'd given him NO REASON not too, and didnt believe anything you said. He offers, like a gentleman to take you out to eat and you MOAN at him because of where you go and accuse him of looking at otehr girls. Its not very fair on him. Men dont like insecurity because they feel like they've failed. They think 'why can't she be secure with me, I havent done anything wrong...arent I good enough' and then eventually they finish with you because they cant take feeling like that anymore. I used to be insecure with my boyfriend. It got to the point where he said if it kept on he wouldnt be able to go onw ith the relationship because I was making him feel awful even though he was trying his hardest. If your that insecure I think you need to see a counsellor maybe, you shouldnt be worrying over the fact he FORGAVE you after an incident? You should be thanking your lucky stars you have a guy that lovely, one who wants to make you feel secure, and you should be trying to make him feel good and happy in himself by starting to love YOURSELF and trusting him. EDIT: And also he only took you to Hooters in the end due to convenience, he wasnt being horrible, you didnt object that time so he probably thought you'd gotten over the issue Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Yeah I felt overwhelmingly insecure when we got to hooters. Those girls with their tatas hanging out and their butts. I then started to feel really silly because of the way I felt it just seemed really silly that I was jealous over some waitresses. Thats when I told him I was wrong. I feel that he seems kinda distant from me you know. So thats why I feel like him understanding is not sincere..Does that make sense? Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Why didn't you want to go to Hooter's anyway? Are you dealing with some self esteem issues or something like that? Yes sometimes I just feel really insecure, not all the time but sometimes Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Well trust him, and take his word that its OK, trusting him will show him that you care. If you start questioning him he'll get even more annoyed. Hes probably getting over it in his own guy way. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 He gets it - you're very insecure and he's got to handle you with kid gloves or else you have a fit. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Nah he doesn't have to handle me with kid gloves its just this one time I felt weird. I don't know why I suddenly got so insecure, I don't know what got into me. Maybe its stress or something I just made a mistake and I feel like an as$ now you know. I am kicking myself for acting so immature. I could see if I were justifying it Excalibur trying to make excuses for myself but I know that I didn't need to act like that. Its just stupid. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Well trust him, and take his word that its OK, trusting him will show him that you care. If you start questioning him he'll get even more annoyed. Hes probably getting over it in his own guy way. thanks I need to take it easy right now. I am putting to much stress and drama on myself and him. Thanks Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 If he really wanted to look at chicks, he could do that with you not around. I think he just wanted some of their hot wings, you re-acted badly and I think you just need to apoligize to him. Then sit back and analyze why you acted like that in the first place. Another poster was right on when she said that being clingy and insecure is one of the fastest ways to lose your boyfriend. Men need to know that their girls feel secure, expeciallly if there are other pretty girls around. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I have to admit, if a person wants wings Hooters really does have the best around. I agree with Metrogirl in that if he wanted to look he could have gone when you two were not together. I have read many of your posts in the past and I think a common theme is you over react to minor issues. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Yea I know and thats why I feel so damn stupid. Its like I had no confidence at all. Its weird because I have been to a strip club with him and he has never done anything to make me feel bad. I don't know whats gotten in to me you know. Its just so weird how I felt. I'm confused. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 I have to admit, if a person wants wings Hooters really does have the best around. I agree with Metrogirl in that if he wanted to look he could have gone when you two were not together. I have read many of your posts in the past and I think a common theme is you over react to minor issues. Yes but lately I have been working on these issues and thats why I haven't posted in awhile you know? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Yes but lately I have been working on these issues and thats why I haven't posted in awhile you know? Well my post wasn't to berate you but rather to say that since you have a history of overreacting it is good that you seek feedback here when you think it is occurring. Hopefully you will let it go and not bring a word of htis up to him. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 thanks I need to take it easy right now. I am putting to much stress and drama on myself and him. Thanks Just dont worry. Don't focus on the negatives focus on the positives, -Hes with you - Not a hooters girl -He loves you -He accepts your issues, hes understanding And dont talk over your worries with him too much, it'll drive him away. Focus on yourself, focus on making yourself feel good and then you wont feel so insecure! Link to comment
Canadian1975 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 He gets it - you're very insecure and he's got to handle you with kid gloves or else you have a fit. Ouch - man. Thats rough! Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 That how it is deaing with insecure people. They use feelings as facts, goals, calls to action and tools of cognition. They're very comparative, and believe that they're lacking and inferior and want no reprseentation in front of them that the world in general requires focus, visiion, self-requirement, and self-acceptance. So insecure people presenting the realities of thier insecurity - are just a walking target to be deceived. People know precisely what it is you can't handle...and so they don't have you in awareness of it...while using the justiification of not wanting to upset you - they do whatever it is they want to do, without you in the loop. It doesn't stop them from involving wtih you using the kid gloves. Link to comment
shoebaby1 Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Yeah I know its not a good way to be I am using all the energy that I have not to be insecure. I'm not here to be judged I'm here to work through my problems so could you please not post if you are just going to judge me. I don't expect my actions to be justified or sugar coated because I know I reacted out of line but I don't need your analyzing of my flaws that I am already aware of.FFS Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 There's no way not to "act insecure" - if you're lacking self-esteem. You can force yoruself into actions that "feel so scary or wrong" - and it'll backfire at some point as you agree to things you don't want to do because you know not wanting to do them is 'immature.' It's not about judgement....it's about pointing out thre is no way for you to be anything but insecure until you re someone you admire, respect, trust, accept, and acknowledge the responsiblity and obligation to yourself with self-accountability. Link to comment
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