We broke up, then got back together, and now I'm not sure

[nutterthananut]

Last November, I met this guy on the band bus on the way back from a massive game. He is a junior in college and I am a sophomore, but we are only ten days apart in age.

 

Anyway, I didn't remember his name until I browsed my friend's profile on facebook and saw his name again. I added him as a friend and left him a silly message about the good ol' days. He messaged back immediately and then we traded AIM names.

 

That night, we talked for about eight hours (seriously) on the internet. We broke some walls, and were quite interested in one another.

 

The next day, we talked for twelve hours total, off and on. It was intense. I really started to like this kid, but I was leaving the next day for winter break.

 

We hung out the next day doing pretty much nothing, but I was cool with that. I left for break and the conversations continued.

 

One night, we got into a disagreement online and I didn't want to talk to him, so I ignored him for a while (immature, I realize now). We then didn't talk for a day or so, but then I wished him a Merry Christmas and we started talking again. By that time, he had a girlfriend (that he knew since high school, had dated a few times non-seriously, and that goes to a rival college), but he wasn't really happy with her. She never called him and gave him no attention, but he jumped into a relationship with her because he thought they could make it work.

 

We kept talking and things got to escalating. I knew he was going to ask me out, but he was still with this girl, who wouldn't return his phone calls for almost a week.

 

When I got back to school in January, he was already broken up with her and asked me over to watch a movie. I went and he asked me out before the end of the night. I was pretty happy.

 

Things were okay for about a month, and then little fights began to happen. Disagreements over opinions (he never quite understood that an opinion is just that), him telling me I was wrong about facts of my instrument and then saying he was going to ask this girl that I will openly admit is better than me (later finding out I was right on what I said, he said sorry, but it hurt more not that I was right but that he would go ask another college girl - that he used to like - what the truth was), and other little things that never mattered!

 

After three months and three days, I walked out of a room and he thought I was angry (I was bored and had things to do). Later that night, he called me, but my phone was on silent. I called him back twenty minutes later and he was all upset. It made me upset in return. We hung up, but I wasn't finished and needed answers, so I texted him. I wasn't mean, I was just saying how I was sorry and that I didn't mean to act that way. After all was said and done, he broke up with me.

 

I hung up the phone and started bawling my eyes out. I lost him, I was sure. I asked him I could see him before he left campus that night, and he agreed. I fought my side and told him I would change. He claimed that I am immature and I fight too much and he can't handle it. I understand that and I agree. In all honesty, these are the things I have always wanted to change about myself, so while I would be changing for him, they are changes I always wanted for myself. I knew he could give me a reason to change. He didn't take me back that night.

 

The whole next day, I cried at the mere thought of him. It was lame of me. I had never been in that position before and I had never felt that way about any other guy. I was shocked something could affect me like that.

 

I was talking to a mutual friend online later that night (with whom I had been friends with about three years longer) and he told me that my ex had been wanting to end it for a while. I lost it. He said that my ex was tired of the fighting and that he couldn't handle it much longer. That was it, I had to call the ex and get my closure.

 

He didn't answer. I called him many times, but he never called back, though I left him a message telling him that I wasn't begging for him back, I just needed to know something really important.

 

He finally called back (turns out he had a fraternity initiation thing that ran really late) and I cried on the phone for about half an hour, after which he said to get my things because he was coming to get me. I was excited!

 

I grabbed my stuff and got into my mindset. I knew this was it, my final shot.

 

That was at the beginning of this last week. Now it's Sunday and we just had a little dispute. I have been so good, but I reverted back into my childish ways again. We were lying in bed and I just wanted to kiss a bit (you should know that I am saving myself for marriage, but that he has already had sex with other girls from his past). He really wasn't in the mood, but he wanted to check the draft picks. I felt put out, so I rolled over and decided to try and get more sleep.

 

About thirty minutes later, he starts snuggling against me and trying to give me attention. Well, I thought he was doing it because he didn't want me angry, but it turns out he was just giving me what I wanted. I'm not used to that, and I didn't want to annoy him (I am bad about annoying people and I will be the first to admit it). He asked me what I wrong and I told him I was sleeping.

 

He then watched some TV (the draft and some college baseball). Things got too far and then he asked me what was wrong again. I said, in a nice voice, I promise, "I'm just bored." He got angry, got out of bed, went to take a shower, came back, got dressed, and then we left. We didn't talk the entire ten minutes back to campus and we didn't even kiss goodbye.

 

I messed up, I know I did, and I realize I left details out.

 

If you have advice on what I should do, please, it is more than welcome. If you need more details, ask for what you want and I shall give them to you.

 

Thanks.