May have taken it too fast.

[tree21]

I met this girl about a month ago. We would talk online once in a while and i invited her to a concert. We really hit it off from day one, and i could tell she was attracted to me. We hung out the next two weekends, since that is the only free time i have. On the second weekend i asked her to be my girlfriend and she said "yes" without any hesitation. I thought after this i may have taken the next step too quickly. I think i may be right now.

 

For the last week she has seemed very distant with me. I knew something wasn't right. We texted alot less and called alot less. It turns out today she told me "she isn't totally over her last relationship". This caught me off guard a little bit, and she was really upset about the whole thing. She knows he has a new girlfriend and she even said she wouldn't take him back at this point anyway. She said what started it was a text from the ex saying "We should talk".

 

 

I know she still is attracted to me though, and she even said that. I suggested that we take our relationship a little slower and she agreed. So i think we are still together, but i don't want to wait around forever for her to get over her ex.

 

So my question is, what should i do about it? Should i talk to her more and try to make her feel more comfortable with me? Or should i just keep the conversation to a min.? She said i was a great guy and that she thought she was over the ex. But the new relationship brought back feelings. I also don't want to pressure her into anything, i just told her "I want you to be happy".

I'm confident i said the right things, but i didn't want to put any pressure on her by saying "take it or leave it".

 

Any advice would be great

[Gunmetal]

youre right, dont give her ultimatums. even with [her] best intentions towards you, she could have odd feelings abt Ex...i think its normal and she shouldnt read into them.

 

I would suggest you lay kind of low, let her know you're interested in her but try easing off any pursuit, she might come around...

[tree21]

That sounds pretty reasonable. Ill just keep quiet for a few days or so. So far today (which is right after that conversation). She has sent me 4 or 5 texts without me sending one first. I guess that's a good sign.

[Aaron20b]

If another girl comes along. Don't hesitate but I wouldn't completely give up on this chick yet. for now all you can do is back off and see where it goes. She is still texting you. that is good. : D

[hers]

Be careful that she's not coming on strongly to you because she's healing from her breakup. Don't mistake vulnerability for interest.

[tree21]

I don't think she is coming on strong because of the break-up since it was 7 months ago. My break-up was also 7 months ago. Im def. not going to give up on her, she is a nice girl. She did text me goodnight like she usually does. So it is still looking up, she may just want to take it slow for now

[hers]

Oh I just mean that she's probably vulnerable b/c of this news of her boyfriend getting in a relationship. Usually that causes people to "compete" and go after someone more zealously (I do that myself. Sad). That's why I say don't confuse vulnerability for attraction/interest.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ah, dude, this is a REALLY tough one.

 

I was in a situation that was pretty bad years ago. I'll tell a bit of it.

 

I was dating this girl in college. She showed ALOT of interest in me. She was always hanging around me, and I really took to her, so decided to give it a shot. After we decided to be a couple, the ex started to come up. At first, she'd talk to me about him, and I tried to reassure her that I would not hurt her the way he did. Things progressively got worse. A few times, she'd call her friends in front of me and talk about her ex - ask what he was doing, had anyone heard from him, was he seeing anyone else. Then, my girl and the ex started talking again, and a few times, she actually called him in front of me! One time, she called him and started flirting with him right in front of me and asked him if he was seeing anyone else. That was it for me.

 

I just told her - it's either gonna be HIM or ME. What's your choice? I said if you choose me, you never talk to this guy again, and if I find out that you did, you and I are done. It was a stupid move really. I was 19 - too inexperienced. I should have just dumped her flat, but she was my first real girlfriend, and I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I liked her alot, and thought I could win her.

 

She did stop talking to him for a few months. In the end though, she wound up cheating on me.

 

My advice - leave this girl alone. She's not over her ex, and could possibly be using you as a rebound. Get out of there, and find someone who is emotionally available. Don't put yourself in a situation where the risk of getting hurt is very high.

 

-NPG

[tree21]

I really don't think she is using me as a rebound. Her break-up was about the same time as mine back in Sept 07. Really she said it from started a new relationship that made her bring back those feelings. I guess it's strange to start a new relationship after a long relationship before. I know it felt weird to me. I went to breakfast with her today and we talked like normal and we were flirting. Right before i left i gave her a hug and then she followed that with a kiss.

 

I think it will be ok, she may just need time to get used to a new relationship. But NPG you could be right, so im definatly going to be more cautious with this.