Confused and Lost!!!

[Lost4her]

My ex and I have been broken up for about a month. We have kept in contact and see each other practically every other day. We still act like we are together, needless to say there is a lot of sexual tension. A couple of days ago it escalated to physicalities. She tells me she is confuced and doesnt know what to do. Obviously she wants to keep me as a friend. She still calls me everyday and we have even talked about marriage or moving in together. She is concerned that she is to dependent on me and wants to feel independent. The question is what should I do should I go NC or should I be her friend. The friends thing is weird because it usually involves holding hands and even kissing. What should I do? This is also a 6 year relationship that is very hard to let go. We have had no major issues but maybe fell into a routine. What should I do??

[Cognitive_Canine]

Neither of you are healed at all and with the ways things are going, you won't be healing anytime soon.

 

You have to go NC, or at least draw a line somewhere. Being in this weird semi-dating state can truly mess up your mindset.

[Russ]

She's doubting her decision of breaking up now.

 

The friends thing is weird because it usually involves holding hands and even kissing.

 

I don't know what the hell kind of friends you have, but I need some of those. It's obviously not a regular friend routine to start kissing one of your friends, sorry to say.

 

This is also a 6 year relationship that is very hard to let go.

 

Last post you said 7 years. This is one of those little things that a girl can get antsy about. Other such include her birthday, anniversary and name.

 

We have had no major issues but maybe fell into a routine. What should I do??

 

Suggest a vacation. I mean, her and you, somewhere tropical, with several beach bars, and a room in which you'd have to be launching a rocket in order for anyone to hear.

 

The reason? It would break the routine. It sounds like she's just bored, more than anything else.

[Lost4her]

She still contact me. I think she is confused and bored but needs to find herself first. I love her I do, but i also want was is best for her. I rather loose her and have her find herself and have her and not be happy. I obviously want her to find herself and me.

[Litgirl01]

Seems like she needs space but doesn't want to lose the relationship...she is confused. This is playing havoc with your feelings. I think you should tell her that she made the decision to break up...and she can't have it both ways. You need to do what is best for you now!

[postscript]

Neither of you have had time apart clearly. It's what you need. Don't pretend that your problems don't exist and carry about your affectionate ways.

Give it a little time, DON'T rush back into a relationship with her, and don't keep up the relationship act. It'll only make it harder to deal with.

Tell her that she needs to work out what she wants, there shouldn't be an in-between because it'll end sooner or later anyway if you don't sort out what it was that made her leave.

[Lost4her]

THanks guys but I will give her time. Hopefully we will get back together. What is ever best for both of us.

[Lost4her]

Update, I didn't call her for a couple of days she called and I answered kept it short. She called me last night and flipped out and told me she was tired of games and that she didnt want to talk to me anymore.

 

I dont know what is going on with her.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Lost4her - This may seem odd, and I would consider that last call a positive sign. I think that she's so used to being in control of the relationship that when you stopped playing her game, it threw her for a loop. And then she comes in with the "I don't want to talk to you anymore" line so that you'll get down on your knees and beg her forgiveness. I think its a good sign because it shows that she is in a struggle. Give her time to figure it out. Stay strong.

 

Just my opinion.

[Litgirl01]

Lost4her - This may seem odd, and I would consider that last call a positive sign. I think that she's so used to being in control of the relationship that when you stopped playing her game, it threw her for a loop. And then she comes in with the "I don't want to talk to you anymore" line so that you'll get down on your knees and beg her forgiveness. I think its a good sign because it shows that she is in a struggle. Give her time to figure it out. Stay strong.

 

Just my opinion.

 

 

That's a good insight! I didn't think of that! Have you done that before?

 

I really hate it when people play games!!

[EyesOnThePrize]

That's a good insight! I didn't think of that! Have you done that before?

 

I really hate it when people play games!!

 

My ex regularly threatened me with "It's up to you if we have a friendship. If you don't follow up with me, I'll just forget you out of my life." And yet, who called who to leave a voice mail the other day? I am fully prepared to call her bluff on it. Its not a game to her, its what makes sense to her. And its not my sense, so I don't really recall doing anything like that.

 

Its part of that power shift that I believe is important for any possible reconciliation.

[Lost4her]

Update: called again and pretended nothing happened...it sounded like she was mad at me but try to act nice. She did call.....

 

what to do? I think she is confused. She is confusing me in the process.

 

 

Why cant I log in to this forum sometimes???

[Lost4her]

She is still calling every night to see how I am doing? What should I do?? NC, LC, or what??

 

I need help.

 

I am having issues logging to the site, I have to reset every time. Why is that? anyone else with same issues..

[wtm78]

interesting... a few question...

 

1. why is she calling you every night?

 

2. do you still love this girl?

[Lost4her]

Yes I still love her and she calls to see how my day was and if we could hang out. After the break up we have not seen each other for longer than two days. What to do....

[kmac]

Im with eyesontheprize:

 

In every relationship someone and I mean someone always has the upperhand. Ive been married for 12 years and have been together since we were 13! The tables always turn, it never fails-its not always a "bad" thing, It's kinda necessary to evolve. At some point though games hurt and thats when u have to decide if enough is enough. That or get the upper hand back. Dont fall victim to her challenges of "I don't want to talk to u anymore". Don't call her. Like for a while. She will be so flipped she wont know what just happened. One of two things will happen. Either she will wake up and go OMG what did I do (Still then you need to play it very cool), or you wake up one day and go "Yeah Im over this".

One thing I will say about us crazy girls is this: We really do need a sense of independance to make us feel like we are properly contributing to the relationship. She may just need a second to breath and figure out that life is better with you than without you. Yeah games suck and I am not saying to play one but it's clear that she is. Check mate-the ball is in your court-trust me.

[Lost4her]

It was her b-day yesterday, and she was mad at first because I had not called and talked to her. She then got happy and ask for me to take her to see my sister who just had her baby. I then went to her b-day party. I stayed their to late enjoying each others company. I did something at the end of the night that I always do when I would leave her house. I hugged her and as I did I squeezed her butt. Something I have always done as a goodbye. She told me she was working out If I could tell, and I squeezed it a couple more times. She wants to go to the movies tonight?

 

What do I do? I am lost, i think she is lost? NC leads to fights between me and her.

[gee]

lost, looks like things are moving the right direction. keep up the good work. good luck!

[Lost4her]

Hopefully, what if all she want is to be friends and is part of her getting over process and screws me over.

[Lost4her]

I am going with her family and my mother to a gathering they r having. I feel things are moving along. What if she is trying to get over me slowly. That is what scares me. At the end she could be done with me and all my feeling there and I am back at square one and she has moved on. This is hard but what to do?

[Lost4her]

Update:

 

Still talking every day. She got mad at me yesterday because I could not go to the movies with her due to my job getting on the way. She waited until I got out to go. She called me today to c if she her purse was in my car. Very quickly and kind of coldly wonder what is going on.

 

What should I do now? Should I bring up the relationship and give her an ultimatum? or should I keep on doing what I am doing or go NC? Its been a month already and Its getting stressful for me.