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how should i take this?


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okay, so this is a follow up to my previous post (use that wonderful profile and previous posts thing to find it) about my ex. we have been hanging out and talking for the last month after 4-5 months of no contact. he contacted me. he was the dumper. he got involved with another girl and she put him through hell. i've been pretty good at maintaining the platonic friendship, but i find it highly frustrating. it's been so long since we were "just friends." three years ago to be exact. we were together for 2 years.


anyhow, since he broke NC, we've been talking daily. he texts me constantly, ims constantly, and has been the one to initiate us hanging out for the most part. at first, i thought he was possibly diving in to come back, but he's maintained the just friends attitude. we had a few conversations that led into parts of "us" but barely. the other night i was feeling very upset over everything going on in my life, not all about him and he left me a comments that kind of put me in a questionable state. when we broke up, he left a major open door.


when telling him that i am having a hard time adapting to the just friends thing, he said that right now, he can only be a friend. he later added that he needs time, and over time will reflect on things, but wasn't clear about what those things were.


i don't know if i should take that as him considering coming back over time, or just healing from this bad relationship he got out of. i don't want to push him at all, and i have been just trying to be fun when hanging out with him and while talking to him, even when he is sometimes not very fun. it's still him that initiates our outings, but i don't know the intentions. i'm confused...

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i think you should just chill there.. have fun... let time unfold itself... see how things goes.. dont worry...


meanwhile if you think it is too much for you to handle, then you need to take a time out for your sanity sake...


you are doing fine...



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Well, he has made it clear that he wants to be friends. There is no reading between the lines. Listen to what people say. Nothing more nothing less. You have to decide if you want to hang out as 'friends' or not. Does the confusion cause a lot of emotions? Do you want more than that friendship right now?


I think that for me to consider a friendship with an ex it would be when I am in a place of not wnating to get back together..then I may not even think that my ex adds value to my life so I don't want to be friends anyway. I also believe that it does not really matter who initiates what. The lines about getting abck together should be clear..you either do or you don't and it is clear rfom what you have said that he wants to be friends. He is friendzoning you...it's is neither a good or bad thing it just is and it's up to you to decide if that is what you really want.

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I'll echo what Addicus says, and also add that IMO, if you can handle the friendship, you do lay the groundwork for a posible reconciliation in the future. Being friends will allow him to see changes you've made to yourself and your life, to which he may or may not respond. Continuing to work on yourself while you're being a friend may make you more attractive. However, if you are doing things for the sole reason of getting back together, then I think its doomed to failure, at least long-term. If it was me, I would not read too much into it, and just let life play out as it will.

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