Dating advice: men and women thoughts, please

[terk2021]

So, I have been out on 3 dates with this woman I have been seeing for about 2 weeks now. Last night, she took me out for my birthday. One thing she has brought up to me on our 1st or 2nd date is that she is dating 2 other men, as well as me.

 

She sends me wonderful text messages, and tells me she loves the way I treat her. I also am dating other people as well. We have made no commitments to each other, and are not setting expectations either. We both agreed to just see how it goes.

 

The dilemma is, I think I am starting to have feels for her. Three dates is not a lot, but we talk on the phone, have a lot in common, and we are in our mid 30's. As for her past, I have not done a lot of digging. I am not sure if she just wants to casually date and is not looking for a relationship, or really torn the fact that she actually likes 3 men, and is confused about which one she would want a relationship.

 

I want to tell her how I feel, yet I don't want to her to think I am trying to get way to serious with her, way to fast. I just want her to know her I like her a lot, and if she sees the possibility of us dating exclusively to get to know each other better.

 

We are planning on going out on Sunday. I have a ton of airline miles, and was even thinking of asking her if she likes last minute trips. I asked the question last night, and she said she loved them. This would give me the opportunity to spend quality time with her, and see if there are real feelings there and a foundation for a relationship.

 

I could also play this very casual, but generally, that is not my style. If I care about someone, I want them to know it. If they do not have similar feelings, I am OK to move on. Sometimes I wonder if I am just too impatient to let things fall into place naturally.

 

I am getting to the point where I want to see someone exclusively. I don't want to play games or try and one up the 2 other guys she has been dating. She always talks about a wonderful time she has with me, and we really don't discuss the others we are dating. As for the others I am dating, I like them, but this one is something special. And when you have something special, you don't want to screw it up.

 

I know there are no right or wrong answers here. Do I send her flowers? When I take her out Sunday, what can I do to get her to know how much I care without pushing too hard.

 

As I mentioned above, she loves the idea of weekend getaways. Is that too strong of an approach?

 

I am not too emotionally attached, or in love with her. It's too early, but I would be lying if I said I did not see the potential. What are your thoughts/

 

All responses would be greatly appreciated. I just kind of feel in neutral right now. I don't want to be one of 3 guys she is dating for long. I think after a few dates, you have a pretty good idea of the person in front of you. Then again, if she just came off of a bad breakup, she may not be ready for a relationship for a long time.

 

Maybe I need to dig a little deeper when I talk to her on the phone...

[ghost69]

i would continue to date her and get to know her more first. 3 dates is pretty short to become an item.

 

i actually like the last line you typed.

[CatsMeeoow]

Hmmmm....

 

Terk....

 

I too (because of our previous convos about another girl you were with) think you should take it slower!!!!

 

I can see your side of things - I do! You are so ready to have that life and settle down but I think you could easily scare this girl away if you are not too careful.

 

Don't plan an impromtu trip that involves flying somewhere unless you two are already exclusive... doing so otherwise looks like you are trying to buy her.

 

I think you need to give yourself several more dates before you go overboard.

 

But, that being said if you want to date her exclusively you should first start by not seeing other girls... you can let her know a little more how you feel and take your cues from her as to how fast to proceed.

 

I wish you the best. You are a great guy - don't try so hard!

[CaptainNapalm]

There is nothing you can really do that will make you significantly stand out from the other two guys other than be the best that you can be to her and let her figure out what she wants to do. If you like her alot and want her to feel the same you have to get her to fall for the real you not because you fund her a trip by plane or getaway. Infact, this may seem a bit aggressive at this point considering it's only been three dates. I would give it another 3-4 dates after which if things are going great I would have a talk with her about being exclusive. If she doesn't want this then you have a decision to make whether you want to stay or go but at least in 4 dates from now she will have a better understanding of you and what you're really about and give you a better answer. Do not however try to give her the exclusive talk right now, she doesn't know you well enough to be exclusive right away and this may drive her away. Bottom line patience=best chances of success. Good luck!

[terk2021]

I think after all I have been through with women over the last few years, the last thing I need to do is get mixed up in a situation like this. I don't know her very well, so I certainly cannot judge her. However, the fact that she is dating 3 men pulls up a red flag for me. I am not saying it's right for me to see other people, and expect her not to, but I have not been on a date with another woman since I started seeing her. It's only been 3 dates, but I don't want to throw my heart into something like this.

 

I may be wrong, but usually when people are dating a lot of people, it means they came from a bad break up, and are just out dating to date. I want to date to meet someone and eventually start a relationship.

 

I used to be the type that something like this would not bother me. In this case, my gut feeling is that she just wants to date and go out all the time. There are things I do like about her, but I am seeing signals of someone that is generating competition and fielding the best offers.

 

I am going to call Sunday off. I just don't want to get too close to someone that is not even ready for a relationship. I personally think being ready to want a relationship is half the battle. Some call it timing. Maybe I met her at the wrong time. I want to be able to spend time with her and get to know her, and that's hard to do when she is dating 2 other guys.

 

Does that make sense???